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3rd Trimester
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Just So You Know: It's Not All PnR When You Have A Baby
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my best friend now has a very beautiful 8 day old son. he was in the NICU for a couple of days for a fever, but all tests were negative and he's fine and at home. i wanted to post this email to let you know (as i didn't know) that it isn't all unicorn farts and rainbows when you bring home a newborn:
i'm sending this one update to my friends who i think might be interested. i'm still trying to get in a routine that makes it easier for me to answer emails and phone calls, but right now i'm kind of in a fog. if i haven't returned a call or email or text, i apologize!
my milk has come in, but he got hooked on formula in the NICU. so right now we're kind of going back and forth. i'm doing more pumping than nursing, and then putting the breastmilk in bottles. i should nurse more, but his schedule is so irregular and i'm so tired that i am just taking it one thing at a time. also, the formula has made him want more volume than i'm able to produce. he's up to about 2.5 oz. per feeding and i haven't pumped more than 4 oz in one day. maybe i could pump more if it occurred to me more often? i'm not sure. i'm not confident at all that i'm doing it right with the feeding--trying to decide whether to pump or nurse or give formula is a really difficult concept for my brain right now. i have no idea what i'm doing. yesterday afternoon it occurred to me that i should be sterilizing the bottles. duh.
tomorrow we're going for our first well baby doctor visit and i'm going to ask the pediatrician the best way to approach the feeding issue. the number one goal is to get him fed, and how he gets fed is just whatever is easiest at that moment. i'm not even sure i could defend any decision i make about feeding. if you asked me "mary, why did you choose formula this time instead of nursing him?" i'd probably look at you and say "huh? oh. um. well? i don't know i guess. or something. he's hungry?" see? i've lost my mind.
yesterday was a bad day for me emotionally. his nights and days are mixed up, so it's been hard on me. i think i cried about 5 hours total yesterday out of sheer exhaustion and a complete collapse of confidence, but my mom came over and did that magical mom takeover thing while i slept and peter's mom got out of the house for some well-deserved leisurely shopping. today is much better because we kept him up a lot yesterday so he'd sleep more last night--and it worked! he only woke up at 9:30, 12:30, and 3:30. this is a major improvement over only sleeping in 10-minute stretches the two nights prior. i took several naps yesterday in preparation of being up all night. so i almost feel like a real person again.
i know it will get better, and it's only day 4 of him being at home, and he's only been born for 8 days. so i'm trying to stay positive, drink water, take vitamins, nap often, and trust my instincts. my mother-in-law being here is a big help about 85% of the time. the other 15% of the time, she's questioning my decisions or running the dishwasher with only two bowls and one cup or folding laundry in the wrong shape--little annoying things like roomates do. my inner control freak has been put on administrative leave, but unfortunately keeps calling in to check on things.
let's see...peter is still working nights, but hopefully only for the next week or so. his weird hours are just one more variable in a really complicated and frustrating equation. he comes home from a long 10-hour day, and i'm crying, the baby may or may not be crying, my MIL is fussing around the kitchen asking him a million questions--and somehow he manages to shut her up without hurting her feelings, comfort me and say the right things, then go spend time with Sam before he has to go to sleep. he's a natural at being a dad, and somehow in all this chaos and frustration we have gotten closer instead of further apart. i miss him all day, and watch the clock waiting for him to come home--he always makes me feel better when no one else can. i wonder how in the hell women do this alone. to single mothers or mothers with a husband overseas, i tip my hat.
right now i'm nursing with one hand and typing with the other. so maybe i'm more of an expert than i give myself credit for. in a way this is the easiest and the absolute hardest thing i've ever done. i'm not sure which, and i think i change my mind depending on the time of day and whether or not he's crying.
any tips or wisdom or shout-outs are appreciated. just please dont tell me to "sleep when the baby sleeps". that may send me into a hormonal rage. one more thing: episiotomies SUCK
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Re: Just So You Know: It's Not All PnR When You Have A Baby
I did not have a hard time with the baby per say after coming home. It was more me who was having a rough go. I was SUPER emotional... like more than I ever thought I would be, and it was totally out of left field.
I talked to my OB right away, and got some help, but it was not what I expected. I do not think that the ladies on here think it will be easy bringing home a newborn.
I thank God that I have my mom and 2 sisters in law 5 minutes away at any given time.
there are some people in the world who have delusions about what it will REALLY be like. i was one of those people. my baby would latch immediately. my milk would come in and i would nurse and we'd sleep when she slept. i laugh at that person now. just trying to keep people's expectations real. no harm intended.
This. I am a grown woman, not some teenager who thinks she is playing house.
both of these. I know its probably gonna suck when we bring him home, but on the bright side, I know millions of people bring babies home everyday, and they survive. I'm not the only person to ever have a newborn.
this is why i posted it. as i stated before, no one told me the hardships that come with having a newborn. sure we were prepared for sleep deprivation but we were not prepared for the emotional roller coaster that you are thrust on. nor were we prepared for the fact that we would have to supplement with BF'ing or the 10 minute sleep stretches. people tell you to "sleep when the baby sleeps" and that is lie. there is no sleeping when the baby sleeps, especially when they don't sleep because their days and nights are confused and you're constantly attached to a breast pump.
I don't think I've ever had any delusions about it being p&r after baby comes home. In fact, I am trying to thoroughly enjoy my quiet, peaceful house and alone time with DH before LO gets here.
Most of my 1st time mom friends are pretty aware of how crappy the first few days/weeks/months can be, because experienced moms are ALWAYS talking about it! LOL!
But thanks for the read!
Just a thought, has she spoken to her doctor about postpartum Depression?
Postpartum depression
Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first ? but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Signs and symptoms of postpartum depression may include:
I think some of you need to learn some reading comprehension.
aokiedokie
Some of you ladies need to unclench.
Nothing here was patronizing. She was trying to be helpful and give you a new Mom's perspective, you know, trying to be helpful.
Take it for what it is, move on and have a nice day
after only 8 days? i think that is called baby blues.
:::::DYING OVER HERE::::::: lol ?
Yes.
I wish I had heard something like this from the horse's mouth before I brought home a screaming, colicky baby. Yes, I was prepared for it to be hard. I even told my husband "I know the first 6 weeks are going to suck." I did not know that they first 6 MONTHS were going to suck, that I would take at least 9 to feel like myself again, and that all of this is totally totally normal. Sure would have saved me some soul-searching.
Good luck
Awesome. I'm totally stealing this.
um, she's not venting. she already has a toddler. but its very nice of you to wish her luck.
Yep. Hate to break it to you, but everything in the OP is pretty normal for the first two weeks or so of the baby's life.
I think we lived the same life Er. But seriously, I wish someone had shared something like this with me too. I wish someone would have talked to me about PPD sooner, or colic sooner, or reflux sooner. I was seriously depressed and thought I was an awful mom. In reality, it's just THAT hard sometimes. And sometimes it lasts for 7 months...or longer.
Yeah, see, that whole "it's only baby blues" is exactly the kind of message that leads to women NOT addressing what could lead to full on PPD. If you're concerned, you should never feel badly about talking to your doctor or simply let anyone dismiss it as "baby blues".
it's also called "having an 8 day old newborn".
I feel like this should be added after your post:
Seriously though, no one is dismissing anything. Wait for it...
Wait for it....
Just wait, you'll see when you have your baby.
my angel babies: 6/10 (chem. pg), 9/10 @ 10 weeks
Umm, no, seriously. What OP's friend is going through is pretty standard, run of the mill, "what the heck have I gotten myself into" baby blues.
She doesn't seem to have any of the symptoms the other person posted of PPD. She had what most of us a had - a gigantic, "holy Cow! This is some serious and difficult stuff that is way different than I ever imagined" type realization. I don't even think OP's friend is complaining, just stating what her life was like - in a pretty interesting and funny way, I might add.
Have you had PPD? I'm pretty sure she knows the effing difference.
Hahaha this. I understand there is going to be an adjustment time after we being LO home, but that doesn't mean we have to have a negative outlook and expect the worst experience ever.
LMAO If you think that the OP was bad, you are in for it.
my angel babies: 6/10 (chem. pg), 9/10 @ 10 weeks
OMG. YOU DON'T GET IT.
It was meant to helpful, if it isn't helpful to you, move the eff on. Geez.
This. It scares me to believe that there are people who think otherwise.
ETA: That doesn't mean that I'm going to look at in a negative way either. I'm excited, but realistic.
oh, i'm sorry, i didn't know you wanted my first hand thoughts on this. well, since you are so interested: when my daughter was born and never passed a hearing test. we thought she was going to be deaf. she had horrible reflux which required a barium enema and a barium swallow test, not to mention a slew of xrays. my breast feeding experience was terrible. at four days old she was rushed to the emergency room with bloody stool and had to have a procedure done to remove a piece of tissue from her rectum which that was preventing her from making stool. her ear issues were resolved with surgery at 3 months of age. so there you have it. all better now or was my experience too patronizing?
loling at the thought of being around other newborns giving you any idea of what it's like actually having one.
and that crying uncontrolable at 8 days pp being signs of PPD.
and, well, this entire post being called anything but helpful.
Look, alls I'm saying is that a lot of women don't think it's ok to even think about getting help if they need it. A lot of the time because they have people around them saying "Oh, it's only baby blues." Like that one poster's friend whose mom kept telling her that a chemical burn was diaper rash. And while sure, uncontrollable crying at 8 days PP might be normal for some women, for someone (like me) who is high risk for PPD, it's something to monitor and be aware of. So, I'm glad the PP listed some symptoms to watch out for. It's easy to dismiss as baby blues when it could be a bigger problem.
And honestly, I'd rather over-react than say nothing about something that leads to suicidal women and babies at the bottoms of lakes.