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sad day
Today when I got up this morning. My husband left me a not saying he wants a divorce. Its not the first time he said it and we have been struggling. I still really want to make it work but know he might just need a break to think things through. If we decide to seperate did you and your significant other have any ground rules?
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Re: sad day
The ground rules I set up were that we would go to counseling and that neither of us would date anybody else.
He was never available for counseling after he moved out, and I found out recently that him wanting to date someone else was a big part of why he moved out in the first place. You can set all of the ground rules you want, but he's going to do what he wants to do.
Good point. It sounds like he walked out leaving a note saying he wanted a divorce....where does one go from there??
I know someone who did this but it didn't work out in the end. His wife was having an affair with her boss and she needed a "break" in order to continue cultivating her affair.
Not to be a debbie downer here but are you sure there is no one else? Generally speaking this is the place I would think to go to considering he walked out the way he did. Most people are more willing to leave when they feel like they are going towards something else. He also did it the cowardly way by just writing a note and not giving you an opportunity to voice your opinion.
I personally think you are being to easy on him. I wish I would've been tougher with my STBXH, not that it would've helped the situation but I would've felt more empowered.
Hey, CN. I hate to see you over here instead of Parenting. It isn't a "happy" place to have to post. That being said, there are a great bunch of women over here than can be here as a wonderful support system.
I'm so sorry to hear that your husband left the way he did. I knew you had mentioned several times that your marriage was struggling, but that is a total copout of how to tell someone you want a divorce. This 'man' essentially just walked out on you and your two gorgeous boys (as well as a gorgeous momma!).
First time to do, make copies of all legal documents and store them someone OTHER than your house-- a friends house, parents house, whatever.
Talk to him and make the ultimatum of counseling, but I hate to say that if he is the one that left, then it sounds like he is done, and that he doesn't even want to try counseling.
Also, set rules of when he can come over to visit the kids. He walked out of YOUR lives, and your home together. He can't come and go as he pleases, that is what single people do, and you have a FAMILY, in your FAMILY home.
He needs to call ahead of time, establish times to pick up belongings, etc. Don't let him waltz in and out! He is already doing that, and doesn't need to continue to do that as it will really confuse the boys.
Um....what else....
I would also talk to him to see if he is going to file or if you are. (If he doesn't want to go to counseling.)
Do you have family close by to help you?
Lawyer Up NOW!! Have the "ground rules" court ordered like Child Support, Spousal support and visitation. This won't work out with just a wink and a handshake.
He's telling you pretty clearly that he's out and done. He's fso far detached from the marriage he's left you a note. That means he DOES NOT want to talk, He DOES NOT want to hear your side. He just wants OUT.
Probably has a Girlfriend.
Sorry, to be harsh but reality is you can't make permentant financial desisions based on emotions. You need to knowyour rights before you give them away. Your "agreement" maybe less than what you are legally entitiled. YOU NEED A LAWYER and be proactive in protecting your rights and your child's rights. grieve later.