Ugh... I just got a text from a pretty close friend re:my shower that says "I will totally be there! If you don't mind, maybe my sister-in-law can be my date?"
How do I respond? I've never met her SIL before, nor do I think it's appropriate for anyone to bring "dates." Am I way off-base here?
Thanks!
Re: Bringing a "date" to a shower?!
I'd respond "Oh, I'd love to say yes, but I can't add more people to the list. My hosts gave me a limit. Sorry!".
I mean- seriously. I wouldn't want someone I don't know to come, and I find it VERY hard to believe that her SIIL would really want to come.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Right? I know!
I wish I could use the "host gave me a limit" excuse, but she knows that her sister {who I am much closer to but will be out of town,} can't make it, so technically there is an "open spot." I'll save that for anyone else who tries to crash. Hehe.
I would tell her it's simply not in the budget to have added guests.
She should have RSVPed to the hostess(es) and put this on their shoulders, though.
That should not mean "open slot" for a stranger. It seems odd to me to even want to bring a date to a shower. I would never have the balls to ask even if I did want to bring someone. It's such a personal event to me.
Does she know anyone else that will be at the shower? That is the only reason I can think she would want to bring a "date".
If it was at someone's house I would say, sure, why not. But since it is a per person lunch and the hostess is paying for everyone, just send her an email that says "I'm sorry, this is a per person lunch and the hostess has not accounted for anyone else."
Does she know this? If so, I'd play it off as it's been filled or ex'ed out. And if she continues to ask, you need to put your foot down and say no. Stretch the truth if you need to, use the limited spot excuse, or there's no more room,, the budget has already been set or the just plain bitchy No you cannot bring your guest.
That's very rude unless the invitation said & Guest. Considering we are discussing this, I'm guessing & Guest was left off, like her guest should be. And who goes to a baby shower when you have never met the guest of honor? Just tacky.
Yeah, I was going to say to lighten up and the more the merrier , but now that I hear that it's at a nice restaurant and the hostess is paying per plate, I'd be pissed too.
I guess you can say that your hostess gave you a limit, but just be prepared that she may not come because she gets offended.
Whatever, people are so rude!
"Friend, it's at an intimate rest and the host is paying quite a bit per plate. I don't feel it's right to bring someone who isn't invited. THanks for understanding".
"Friend, it's an intimate shower where only my closest family and friends are invited. It really isn't the right event to bring someone new. Thanks for understanding.".
YHou're not being bratty. Honestly- your friend is rude to put this on you!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Do you think the reason she wants to bring a friend is because she is afraid she will not know anyone at the shower? I have one friend that is coming and she will not know a single person there, so I told her she could bring her sister...just so she would not feel awkward and alone while everyone else is socializing...
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.
Is she coming from out of town? Would she have carpooled with her siter but now that she is not coming, just wants to have someone drive with her?
If this is the case, and you want her to come, let the SIL come too.
To answer a lot of your questions... She lives about 10 minutes from the event and knows several other people who will be there. Oddly enough, she is an event planner, so I'm super surprised she even asked to bring a guest. If the shower were less formal, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it.
Anywho, I sent her a message and explained that the shower was close friends and family only, but that she was more than welcome to bring her 8 year old daughter. {Her daughter's name was included on the invitation. I love her daughter and have known her since she was born.}
Thanks for all of the advice. I appreciate it!
In this case, I would politely explain the situation. Initially, I was going to say "let her bring her SIL" but this is a different type of shower. At my bridal shower, a good friend of mine was coming but was going to know no one else at the shower (which is uncomfortable for any shower guest!) and asked me if she could a bring a friend -- a girl I had met before, and who knew my husband through work. I didn't know her well but I didn't want my friend to have no one to talk to. But DEFINITELY, in this case, just explain to your friend and I'm sure she'll be cool with it!
I was about to say: The more, the merrier (and yes, she needs to bring a gift). But then I read this about the restaurant.
It would absolutely be inappropriate for her SIL to come! I would just say: "My hostess has already confirmed the guest list, and just close friends and family are coming." and then maybe apologize and show interest in meeting her SIL at a later date for lunch or something.
eh, i'd be annoyed too... this happened with our wedding and we actually had to scramble to accommodate the "guests of guests" that showed up at the reception.
in any event, let the SIL come, BUT that woman had better bring a gift (and a nice one, at that!). if it were me, i'd feel awkward crashing a stranger's intimate baby shower.
This is my thought exactly. If it was an informal setting like someone's home or a park something like that then I'd say the more the merrier. But since it's a per person lunch in an intimate setting it sounds almost rude to even ask.
I can't imagine asking let alone wanting to go to someone's shower where I don't even know them very well or anyone esle for that matter. Kind of awkward if you ask me. But that's just me and this is my two cents for what it's worth. Have a wonderful shower!!!
It does make a little bit more sense since technically "her" invite was for two people, even if that second person was specific. The only reason I could see myself wanting to invite my SIL to a friends shower would be a) my SIL and friend knew each other well, and SIL wanted to help celebrate the momma-to-be or b) SIL is an out of towner, who happens to be visiting the same weekend as your shower and now I'm "stuck". Meaning, I dont want to miss out on my good friend's baby shower, but I can't be rude and leave my guest alone for 2-3 hours. Perhaps she's trying to do a bit of juggling herself.
Either way, she should have ASKED and not just simply stated.
This. ?Very good answer.
This. ?Very good answer.
I suppose it all depends on the style of the shower. If it's just at someone's house, it doesn't seem like it would be a big deal. Is the SIL in town and maybe your friend wants to be sure to make it to your shower while still spending time with her SIL? Or maybe your friend is shy and feels nervous that she won't know anyone at your shower and will feel out of place?
If you're uncomfortable about it, I would either refer her to the hostess and the hostess can respond (for example, if it's at a restaurant and there's a certain number of seats or if it's simply financially too tough to add another guest...then she can say). Or you can simply say, "lt me know check with the hostess and see if she is comfortable with adding another guest." The get back her later and "blame it on the hostess" (if your friend/hostess is okay with that).
I personally wouldn't mind someone bringing their SIL. But I'm pretty easygoing about stuff like that...in the grand scheme of life, it's very minor. It's like that book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."
Right now it's probably my hormones talking, but ladies, y'all need to chill.
0danielle0: Every person is different. But if your friend has the decency to ask you first, I'd say let her bring her SIL....just inform her that since the guest list has already been finalized, she may need to be prepared to pay her own way at the restaurant.