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am i overreacting or are they JUST THAT STUPID?!?!?

ChicwedChicwed member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

UGH.

Background:  We are godparents of our old college friends' son.  I wouldn't consider us the BEST of friends, but we get together with this couple at least once a month.  

Situation:  Last night before going to bed, I checked my email and saw in the subject, "Sam is..." and in the email it said, "going to be a brother!" along with an u/s.  I immediately emailed back saying congrats  and asking her how far along she was.  She replied with a due date of Dec. 25th, which means she's 7 weeks along. 

What annoys me:  

#1: It was a mass email. 

#2:  She's only 7 weeks along and she has had a m/c as well as issues with her first pregnancy.  Is she really that naive to send out this news this early on in a MASS email?!?!?

#3:  I felt like it was a slap in our face.  She knows what we just went through.  The wound is still quite fresh yet she still emailed the news to us.  No follow up email on how she knows it's hard for us to hear news like this so soon and how she understands if we don't want to be quite so involved right now.  Both DH & I felt it was incredibly insensitive of her to do this to us esp. since they consider us their "close" friends.  I mean, we're their son's godparents.

My question to you ladies:  Am I overreacting?  Am I being too sensitive?  I want to be happy for her, but it seems as though they have completely blocked out what had happened to us.  Are they that stupid?!?!? 

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Re: am i overreacting or are they JUST THAT STUPID?!?!?

  • millejj1millejj1 member

    I'm so sorry. I don't think you're wrong to be upset, however, I don't think it was anything intentional.

    I'm sure they are through the roof excited and want to share the news with the world and didn't think about how much it hurt when she had her m/c. That doesn't help me it better and I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that!

     Congrats on being able to be positive and support your friend in her excitement though, even if it irritated you. 

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  • Izabella22Izabella22 member

    Nope you're not being oversensitive at all. Although like pp said I doubt it was intentional and they probably didn't want to leave you off the list and make you feel out of the loop. But it still sucks. Who knows what goes through people's heads. Perhaps this is their way of "thinking positively" - kind of like some people think they are "helping" when really you just want them to shut it. But really, no one is going to say the right thing and unfortunately they are almost always going to say the wrong thing. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this *HUGS*.

    My friend was nice enough to whine to me about how her mothers day sucked really bad. Are you kidding me? She did redeem herself slightly by asking after the fact how I'm doing (which I think was really more due to the fact that I didn't join in her b!tchfest than that she was actually thinking it might bother me but yeah, I'm still a little angry, building up to that response) but anyways... people just don't think before they word vomit and it sucks.

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  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin
    I don't think you are.  I think it was really insensitive of her and you at least deserved a personal phone call.  It's great and all if she had a cute pic of her DS announcing the news, but anyone with a little tact would have called first and then said they were sending you a cute pic of their DS they thought you'd like. 
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • *Chicken**Chicken*

    Has the dynamic of your relationship changed since you became godparents? 

    I understand being upset.  If they are close enough for them to pick you to be godparents they should have been sensitive to your feelings. Saying that, I think they are caught up in the excitement of being pregnant and aren't thinking outside of that.  I don't think they are stupid just not thinking. 

     As far as the #2 I don't think you should concern yourself with that.  My BFF announced her pregnancy to everyone as soon as the pee stick showed two lines (so barely 5 weeks).  It wasn't because she was naive about what could happen it was just that either way she would tell people about her pregnancy so in her mind why not spread the good news and deal with it IF something were to happen. Maybe that's how they feel.

     

     

     


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  • ChicwedChicwed member
    imageIzabella22:

    Who knows what goes through people's heads. Perhaps this is their way of "thinking positively" - kind of like some people think they are "helping" when really you just want them to shut it. But really, no one is going to say the right thing and unfortunately they are almost always going to say the wrong thing.

    you're completely right Izabella.  people are just so uncomfortable with death that they seem to just ignore it b/c it's convenient for them.

    sorry your friend had to make you aware of how bad her mother's day was without thinking about how it would be not being able to celebrate mother's day with their own children.  verbal diarrhea is what i like to call it. 

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  • ChicwedChicwed member
    image*Chicken*:

    Has the dynamic of your relationship changed since you became godparents? 

    No, nothing has really changed since we've become godparents.  You're right though *Chicken*, I shouldn't worry about them telling the world about their pregnancy so early on.  It's none of my business.  

    I'm just so jealous...I wish all of us here could have that excitement of telling our friends good baby news.

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  • Fryday37Fryday37 member
    i dont think you are overreacting. it annoys me too when people are like running around buying baby clothes when they are 6 weeks pg and telling everyone who will listen. with each loss i have i find it harder and harder to be excited for people when they are so early. i say the words and have the big smile but inside im just thinking that there are no gaurantees and that they are naive. i think after a loss we all get a little harder inside when it comes to pg at least i do. i think you need to do what feels right to you and maybe send them a little note that you are happy for them but still struggling with your recent loss.
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  • maddiemoon43maddiemoon43 member

    They are JUST THAT STUPID.  Okay, to be fair I formed that opinion before even opening the post based on the world around me today, but after reading the post I do think it's kind of lousy timing.  They could have at least given you a more personal heads up if they felt bad omitting you from the email and worried about you hearing about it from other people you're less close with.

    ~ M/C April 28/10 @ 10w2d ~ ~ M/C Sept. 14/10 @ 5w ~ Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Amanda02aAmanda02a
    Now that I have suffered a loss, I tend to look at situations like these differently.  I don't think your friend sent out the mass email to hurt you, she was just excited.  Does it feel like a slap in the face...yes.  Was is insensitive... yes.  She should have called you.     
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