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TTC After a Loss
noah-bear
member
DH, you confuse me. (TTA mentioned)
noah-bear
member
I sit him down, tell him how I feel. Pour it all out. Tell him about how going through the EDD's not trying is hard to think about. If we wait, we'll be moving when I'm pregnant, have to find a new OB/MW, new pedi, etc.
He responds to everything I said and tells me how he feels. Then, he asks my thoughts about what I said.
I said, "if this is what you think is best, then yes, lets wait. I don't want to try to push you or change your mind"
He got mad. He got mad at me for not having more to say! SO, I asked him, "isn't it a good thing I agree with you?" He then said, "I said all of that, and all you say is 'ok, lets wait'. You should have more to say.
I don't get it!? Why is he mad for me agreeing with him? Agreeing to wait 8-12 MONTHS to start trying. Waiting that long and doing all of this for HIM!? Finding a new MW when I am in love with mine. Giving birth in a new state half-way across the country from friends and family.
Does anyone understand him in a way I don't? Can someone explain this to me!?
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Re: DH, you confuse me. (TTA mentioned)
Rylan 1/27/2011, 2:42 pm, 5lbs 12oz, 18.5 inches long
Ayla 10/02/2013, 10:14 am, 6lbs 14oz, 19.25 inches long
Missed Miscarriage 6w3d 3/02/2010
I'll hold you in my heart until I hold you in heaven.
If I'm understanding right, it almost sounds like he wants you to fight to TTC - now vs. later. Hmmm, let me re-read.
Yeah, now I'm not sure. I still have a hunch that he wants you to plead your case to TTC now. Maybe he just wants to talk about it and get down to the nitty gritty... you're lucky that he wants to talk at all, mine just says, "It's too sad," and clams up. Hang in there, Noah. ((HUGS))
Twin boys born too early at 17w4d and 18w2d in February 2010
Transabdominal cerclage placed September 2010
DS born at 35w1d in February 2011
Twin girls born at exactly 36w in February 2013
Ours sound very similar. They just don't understand that sometimes there aren't good answers for everything, and you just had to make the best decision for the time being.
Rylan 1/27/2011, 2:42 pm, 5lbs 12oz, 18.5 inches long
Ayla 10/02/2013, 10:14 am, 6lbs 14oz, 19.25 inches long
Missed Miscarriage 6w3d 3/02/2010
I'll hold you in my heart until I hold you in heaven.
I really have nothing to tell you as far as how he feels. But I just wanted to say if he joins the Military you would probably go to a new MW and OB and Noah will probably go to a new pedi also. When you go on Tricare (which I assume you are because its crazy not to when you have it available.) you will more than likely be seeing Doctors on base.
That's what gets me too. I've heard SO many things about Tricare and base doctors taking forever and not being nice. I want to find a good MW who agrees with me and I don't think I could find that on Tricare
Eric is like this too. He loves talking about things and it bothers him when I just agree with what he wants. Even when it's something small like what to have for dinner (only sometimes on this one) he will get a little frustrated. Maybe just tell him that you had time to think it over and you know how important it is that you are both ready emotionally and physically. And, that you don't want to force him to be ready before he is ready to be ready (if that makes sense). You both have to want it when you do it (no pun intended) or it just makes things messy (still, no pun intended)
m/c 12/25/09 (5w5d) mm/c D&C 4/9/10 (11w1d) Take home baby 2/22/11
My boobies belong to cour10e
Well sometimes (I can only speak as to the Drs at Ft. Bragg) the doctors do suck in thinking that you have no idea what is going on with your own body. Tricare does have a strict rule as to you must have 3 losses to go to the IF/RE clinic. But the MW/OB/REs are really good the know what they are doing. It is frustrating sometimes trying to get things done, because they do have alot more people to worry about than most private practice doctors.
But when he joins the Military Tricare will be your insurance, unless you go private pay and buy your own. His will still be Tricare though. And Im not 100% sure but I do think that for him to get dependent pay Noah has to be listed as his depended, (this is the part Im not 100% sure on) but I believe that means he would have to be under Tricare.
You can see off base doctors but the selection is limited. And I was told that Tricare is going to be limiting their coverage to off base docs because of cost issues.
Personally I have a love hate realtionship with Tricare. Mainly because of some of the doctors I have seen. But it is very nice going to my Doc (on base) them telling me what is wrong and handing me my Rx, and just walking out. No co-pay.
Honey, I'm going to ask you something that's hard to say and hard to hear. Has your husband ever been evaluated by a mental health professional? I've been getting this gnawing feeling at my heart for you. His history of cutting, being unwilling/unable to communicate normally, bursts of anger, seemingly desperate cries for help via email, and now this... it just screams Bipolar to me.
I'm Bipolar type 2. It's something I was born with, thanks to a rich family history of mental illness. So please know that this is not coming from a place of judgement or disdain. It's just that I know how my life was before I was properly treated. I was miserable. I didn't even know how miserable I was until I was finally introduced to how "normal" is supposed to be. So I just want to encourage you both to consider the idea. And if he's just fine psychologically then all it cost you was an hour of your time and a co-pay!
I'm not a shrink. I know that everyone has their quirks and problems and that doesn't mean that everyone is mentally ill. Yada yada yada. I just know that my life is indescribably better now. If I can help someone else's life experience that change, too, I feel it's my obligation. ((Much love))