MIL trying to name my kid...

mamafoxX2 · May 2010

My MIL keeps calling me and approching me at family functions with name ideas, which wouldn't be so horrible because we are really very clueless with this one on what we would name him/her (we had no problems with our first). The only problem is the names she comes up with are HORRIBLE!! Well, not really, but they aren't the style of my DH and myself.

We have middle names already. BUT my MIL says "you should pick this name if you have a girl because I was going to use it with my son and he was a boy." To me, that logic is not reasonable, and I have tried to explain on several occasions we want to name our kids after people, with names that mean something. Her names mean nothing to us. And we have told her the middle names we have picked (B-Albert- *Jason's dad's middle name, and G-Jane *my middle name) and she continues to tell us how horrible we are for giving our child names like those, even though they are middles.

Would it be so out-of-line for me to just tell her to give up and butt-out??

kcl22 · May 2010

Not out of line at all. Remind her she had her chance to name children when she had her own. Or tell her you've already picked a name and you're not sharing it.

I told my family the other night and my brother (innocently) asked what we were going to name it, what were our thoughts? and I simply said we have some names in mind but honestly I think we're going to keep them to ourselves until the baby is born. No further questions asked. I know that wouldn't work on everyone but if you keep giving them the same answer sooner or later they'll stop asking.

GL. I expect the same of my SO's mom. I'm not looking forward to battling.

cozylittlecave · May 2010

IMHO that should be HIS responsibility to tell her to step aside. Things can be awkward between a girl & MIL (even with the best of relationships), and in a case like that- her son should step up and talk to her.

My mom always did the "don't tell anyone 'till the baby is born" thing- and it worked great, but it does sound like even if you did that now, she'd probably get major attitude.

karen_loy · May 2010

just tell her "we might consider your idea" and then choose with your DH wathever name you guys like.. at least she won't keep bugging you about it

renafaith · May 2010

Not over the line at all. But I agree with PP that HE should take care of it.

ETA: And make sure he isn't like "Well, SHE wants you to back off" Make sure he presents it in a way that sounds like it was his idea or both of your ideas to back off, otherwise, it will still put a strain on your relationship already.

shyatt · May 2010

My MIL also seems to always have a new suggestion or 10 for names. They are perfectly fine names, but when you compare them to ideas we've floated around already...I'm pretty certain she doesn't have a clue!

Last week I shut her down completely on a couple she's said more than once that just are not gonna happen. If it annoys you, just say so. Better to let it out than keep it bottled up.

BrideBuddies · May 2010

In the scheme of things, it's kind of a minor annoyance. Will "shutting her down" cause more problems than it's worth? If it hurts her feelings, I'd say suck it up and just say, "Thanks, we'll consider it." and leave it at that.

You can pretty much endure anything when you know it'll come to an end soon. I'd be more worried about a MIL who constantly offers parenting advice. That would never end!

MelodyKate · May 2010

I was named my name because it was intended for my dad had he been a girl. It was very hard for my parents to agree on a name (they never did agree on a boy name), and my dad never told my mom about it. He just suggested it as a compromise and my mom agreed. When my mom found out later, she was very upset and now my NAME is a sore subject, which kind of sucks because I like my name!

AND, my MIL told me once that she LOVES the names Hannah and Olivia. Fine, whatever. Well, my niece (same MIL) is now Hannah, and I would bet you a million bucks that Olivia will be a suggestion for us.

I plan to just politely smile and nod. While Olivia is a perfectly fine name, I intend to name my children myself, thank you very much!

I think you will have better luck approaching her about her insults to your MNs. That is something she can probably understand being offensive, while you not wanting her suggestions (while completely valid) is something SHE may find offensive.

And yes, your DH needs to handle it. without throwing you under the bus.

tct1219 · May 2010

it sounds like being nice to her about it isn't working. i would find a way to make her actually understand that you don't want her input and that she isn't going to name your child.

PunkyBooster · May 2010

I am going to have this issue with my mom. I decided I will appease them and ask for family trees. That is it. If they suggest names to me (and my mother has been doing it since I got married, it is ridiculous) I am going to say that we are really not open to suggestions. Rude? Perhaps. But that is the way it is.

I'm also keeping names under wraps until baby is born. I don't want opinions from anyone. And this is partially why DH mentioned not even getting serious about them until month 7.

Camok87 · May 2010

feffy11:

She sounds beyond rude for telling you the middle name choices are horrible... I wonder how she would stomach a dose of her own medicine.

If it were me, I would just keep her completely in the dark about names until the baby gets here. (hard I know) THEN she can deal with whatever you name YOUR child.

This is exactly what we are doing. My MIL is very opinionated and expects everything to go her way. Her name choices are of course horrible, and I just know she will have something to say about our favourites. So, we are not telling her at all until LO is named. And as horrible as it sounds, i'm enjoying keeping her in suspense!

DysonWife · May 2010

I plan to follow my sister's lead and release the name after it's on the birth certificate.

daisycook · May 2010

Just don't give her much attention when she suggests names...ignore her or change the subject. Or pretend you already have a name & tell her you aren't sharing the name with anyone until after the baby is born.

MrsJones714 · May 2010

cozylittlecave:
IMHO that should be HIS responsibility to tell her to step aside. Things can be awkward between a girl & MIL (even with the best of relationships), and in a case like that- her son should step up and talk to her.

This. But if she continues to badger you, I'd be straight up and tell her (kindly, of course) that it's your child and you and your DH will name him/her as you see fit. So thanks, but keep all further advice to yourself.

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