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Stay at Home Moms
When People Watch Your Child/ren...
Do you leave them a list of what to and what not to allow the children to do?
I'm very firm on a few things that I think are or are not okay for the baby. I don't want him sleeping on a pillow, period. I don't want him looking at the TV. Period.
I'm fine with him whimpering but if he starts to cry, I want him to be tended to immediately.
Some people think probably think my requests sound normal and some people might think they sound nuts.
MIL would think they sound nuts - Not the crying part, but the rest of it. My Brother/SIL would probably think letting LO CIO is a good idea.
I haven't left LO alone for longer than two hours, so far, so I haven't left instructions but if we were to leave him with either of these people for an evening, I would want to leave a list with specific Do's and Do-Not's.
Does this make me crazy? Do you do this?
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Re: When People Watch Your Child/ren...
Well, you're a first-timer with an infant so its to be expected
No, I don't leave a list of instructions. We leave the kids with a 14 year old babysitter, and all I tell her is what time to put the kids to bed.
I have left lists, kind of, but most of the time we have gone out after Turtle is asleep (he's in bed by 6/6:30 and half the time he doesn't even know he has a sitter).
In that case, I have discussed with our sitter how to help if he should wake up - it's ok for him to chatter & fuss, not ok for him to wail, she can get him, read him a story to calm him down, if that won't work, he can watch Shrek or Nick Jr.
If he is being sat for "awake time," again, I leave rough times that he will eat, supply appropriate snacks, please no juice or soda, etc. I will talk about various ways to calm him down if he gets up set and forms of distraction.
I kind of see babysitter time as a bit of a treat. Things are out of the norm because mommy & daddy aren't around. Turtle still has to behave and be a good boy, but if he gets to watch a little extra TV or stay up a little later because he's having a hard time adjusting or because it's a "special occasion", I'm ok with that.
Also, I want to point out two things.
We couldn't leave Turtle when he was Jackson's age. He was on a heart monitor for ASD and the thought of his heart stopping while we were away was too much for me. I also couldn't subject another person to babysitting for him knowing that there was a chance they would have to perform CPR or have to call 911. Fortunately, it never happened, but I would never have forgiven myself if it did. I don't know how I would have been as far as list at 2 months old.
My list changes depending on who is watching him. If it's my mom. I tell her he eats lunch at noon, dinner at 5, goes to bed at 6. See ya. She is a total baby whisperer and I have the utmost faith that her judgement and mine are on track.
If it's a friend, possibly one who doesn't have children, I am a lot more specific.
Okay, that sounds good. Our options for sitters are A) MIL who still thinks tummy-sleeping is best for baby...
Brother and Sister-in-Law who don't have kids, haven't been around kids in 20 years and put LO's diaper on backwards the one time they changed him while we were there and C) A couple with a baby a month older than ours who lets their son CIO.
So, I guess considering the sitters, lists are okay?
i would leave general ideas-but guess what--just like when anyone else watches your baby they are going to find something that will work for them and baby. it is like daycare--i can say he likes this, this or this, but ultimately she is going to figure out what will work for her and him. the tv thing is a little bit extreme. crying-yes you hope someone responds to your childs needs right away.
i have left my kids for hours with daycare-and i just trust that if i am leaving them with someone it is because i trust that person to use their best judgement-not to do things exactly like i do.
This weekend I am leaving my son for the 2nd time over night. My hubby and I are going to spend one night in Vegas (3hrs away). My MIL will be watching him and I tell her all the instructions. I don't feel the need to write anything down. My main concern is his schedule. When (and what)he eats, sleeps, and naps.
My MIL also believes in CIO which I do not. So here is the deal, if she is not going to pick him up every single time in the middle of the night or parent as I do then she can't watch him. It may sound extreme but I only feel comfortable leaving my LO with someone who has the same values as me. Someone I can trust to do a good job.
This has worked well for us and MIL does what I ask. In return she gets to watch him which she enjoys. I just want to be comfortable and know that my LO is getting the same treatment he would get from me.
If leaving a list makes you feel more comfortable, then absolutely. There is nothing wrong with that. You're a mom. You are looking out for your child.
Some people will appreciate it (for example your brother and SIL). They will probably be super grateful for the instruction. I know I was when I didn't have a child and had no idea what to do and babysat.
Some people will be irritated. If your friend does CIO, they may feel judged that you specify not to do so.
I wouldn't worry too much about it, though. You have the issues that are important to you, and as your child's mother, you have a right to ask that those issues are treated as such by the people watching DS.
It depends on who is watching him. If it's my parents, they know Carter's schedule. If it's someone who hasn't watched him much I leave more specific directions. I also have al the food, clothing, diapers, ect. ready to go so they don't have to be hunting for anything.
Anything safety related (ie the pillow) I would leave instructions, anything that's just a preference, I would not. People have different ways of doing things. time with grandparents should be a treat - yes, he's only a couple of months old - but if you start with rules for every single thing, no one will want to watch him, or they'll just not tell you when they "break" your rules.
Does this mean you don't allow people who watch him to watch TV in case he happens to look? I get not wanting to do CIO or sleep on a pillow, I do. But you seem to have rigid expectations. No one is going to take care of your child exactly the way you do - and that's okay. As long as they're safe, kids do actually learn and grow from different influences. Of course, I'm one of those who ships my kid off to daycare so I wouldn't get far if I tried to control it all.
I don't leave a list now. When she was younger I'd leave a rough outline of her routine.
I agree that if it's a safety issue, leave a list, but I think you're being a bit overbearing on the TV issue. He's so young that it's meaningless to him anyway. If you were talking about someone who would be babysitting him regularly over a long period of time, then I could see bringing it up.
I only leave instructions if it's a routine at our house or if it's something that we're working on (potty training or discipline). DD#2 has this thing where she wants to "say bye to the poop" :::sigh::: I did it one time to show her where it belongs and like the little sponge she is, it stuck, lol. So when I change her diaper or pull up and she says "bye poop!", I know what she's talking about. MIL might not and then DD gets frustrated. With DS we're working on time-outs and when the timer will start.
So I leave instructions for that kind of stuff. When I babysit infant nieces or nephews I ask for info on crying and such (pick them up right away? Let them CIO?). However I found that I once unknowingly went against a habit my niece had (being rocked to sleep) and my sister asked me what I did because niece slept awesome that night, lol.
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
DD is only with someone besides me and DH once or twice per week, so I use my "everything in moderation" attitude about it. If it's something dangerous, like "no feeding her whole grapes, you have to cut them up", then that's one thing, and of course I leave instructions. But if my mom or MIL wants to have the TV on, or feed her something sweet (that's not a choking hazard), etc, then I don't worry about it. I only leave instructions on what to make for dinner (since I prep it ahead of time), and what time to give her milk and put her to bed. The rest if just fun time with Grandma, and I trust them to make the best judgment.
If I were leaving DD at daycare or with a babysitter on a daily basis, I would be a lot more strict about what I would expect.
I do. But you've seen my comments about my mom
With MIL, she'll ask US all that stuff so I do leave less of a list because I trust that she won't feed my 3 month old Popsicles.
I will leave a schedule for them, but not really "rules" of what to do or not to do. People who watch your children are never going to do anything exactly like you do-even your husband won't.
This exactly!
For me, leaving a list for our babysitters (not my mom) helps ME to feel less anxious and helps me to have a better time when I'm away and, if doing so helps you then, DO IT!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
rofl
Given that list of sitters, I'd be joining a mom's group and setting up a babysitting exchange. Or using sittercity or similar to find a babysitter.
I make my thoughts clear on things that are non-negotiables for me (like physical discipline, CIO, giving her soda, feeding her solid foods when she was tiny, etc). Then I don't leave her in the care of those who won't respect them.
So I think if leaving a note (short and to the point) will work for you, then great. But if you think they'll disregard your thoughts anyway, then don't use them for child care. My MIL would do EXACTLY what I told her to, because she knows I wouldn't hesitate to not let her sit. Many of my extended members - they would completely disregard my thoughts and do what they wanted - so they don't babysit.