This is fair right? (long, sorry)
So again this year, BM is refusing to let us have SD for the summer vacation dates we requested (I posted about this the other day). It's not really up to her to decide since she and my DH have joint custody, but for some reason she thinks she makes all the rules.
This time around her excuse was that she had already planned a vacation for the exact same two weeks that we did. Yeah right. Oh and she didn't tell DH yet because she doesn't have to give more than a 2 week notice. Our attorney said we could let the judge decides who gets those two weeks if we want, and it could go either way really.
In addition, BM is refusing to let DH pick up SD in the morning on a non school Friday, even though our CO does not list specific pick up times (also posted this week about it). Well BM's attorney said that he might be able to convince his client to give us the time in the summer we want if we will drop the Friday pick up thing and just pick up SD at 3pm like the BM wants. Hmmmm that seems odd to me. Why would she give up her two weeks that she claims her plans are set in stone and can't be changed just so she can have a few extra hours one day with SD? Me thinks this is fishy!
We decided we weren't playing all their games, who knows what they are up to. We said the Friday pick up was not going to be part of the summer issue and that DH would pick up SD when he gets off work around lunch time as a compromise (we originally said 9am, BM said 3pm), and if she wasn't happy with that compromise then we would proceed with filing (her 5th!) contempt of court. As for summer, we just decided to change our plans (man that burns me!!!) and select a different set of dates which have now been sent over to BM's attorney and we are waiting to hear if this is acceptable or not. If BM refuses again, then we are going back to the original dates we notified her of and let the judge decide who gets what.
We're being fair, right?
Re: This is fair right? (long, sorry)
You can't fight crazy with fair, imo. You might as well tell her you want to take SD to the moon and you'll have her back when she's 15. The lady is going to fight you on anything and everything.
That said, I think you're being more than reasonable.
I have to agree with exactly this 1000000%
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
This. By changing your dates it seems like you are allowing her to shiit on you whenever she wants... Stand your ground or this will continue to happen!
Phantom- Totally agree with you!!!
J+R- It continues to happen all the time, if it's not one thing it's another. But we go to trial for our change of custody case in August, and a large part of our case is built around the fact that BM refuses to co parent with DH and work with him on anything at all, etc. So this being the 3rd time we have had to change our dates around to accommodate BM, we were hoping that showed (to our judge) just how difficult she is and how cooperative DH has always tried to be.
That's a good point... Hopefully it will show the judge loud and clear. Ugh, it's frustrating.
Not long at all. Agree court would be the best bet. If you always back of to be more than fair then get all things hammered out or this control will continue untill the court shuts her out.
Be though but have a balance of possible extra options. You know the ones you could change but have to stay within reason. My boyfriend's kids are grown now and just finished college for now and the other just started. When she found out I was pregnant (NONE of her bzness) she threatened we wouldn't see my child born alive. We went to police and the court imediately and got nothing past a temp restraining order and then the courts dropped them due to her tears. Tears of her losing her at home bzness practice if we obtained a restraining order. She was informed in court and by rejected and returned mail that we want NOTHING to do w/her and yet in 3 mo.s she still contacted BOTH of us.
Long story short just because BM says she can be a fair adult doesn't mean she will. The intrest is what is fair for all. And it seems a more controlled system needs set for you guys.