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Baby Showers
Trying to avert disaster at shower
OK, so my good friend offered to throw me a baby shower and I happily accepted. Thing is she's not real organized and I didn't realize this until too late. She just sent out invites week before last (the shower is this Saturday) and then she pretty much volunteered my husband to do some BBQ. My husband and I don't have too much issue with the BBQ thing, he loves to grill after all and it gives him something to do. But I figured since the shower was at 3pm that the "BBQ" was meant to be just a simple thing. So we got 2 racks of ribs to cook up and that's it. Now I find out that the hostess put "There will be BBQ so bring the whole family" on the invites! Yikes...I have no idea if people are expecting an actual full dinner. I hope not because we don't have time/money to go buy a bunch more meat. Not to mention how do I know how much food to tell my husband to grill?
On top of this it turns out she hasn't gotten any favors and I'm kind of stuck trying to come up with some last minute. I work full time, so I figure I have to do this between Friday night/Saturday morning.
Does anyone have any idea of some simple (I hate to say it but cheap) favors. And if you got an invite for 3pm that said there would be BBQ would you be expecting a full spread or maybe just a rib or two and some chips, fruit, etc.?
And, finally, am I being way too bitchy if I don't get my friend a hostess gift? I just feel that since I had to do half the invites, provide a majority of the food and get favors that I'm not obligated to spend more money on a gift for her (and the party is going to be at my house too).
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Re: Trying to avert disaster at shower
Wow - that is a lot to throw at you, if she is the one hosting then she should be shouldering most of the financial burden, unless you had talked about it beforehand.
While I agree that you are doing alot and she should be doing more, she is doing this for you so I would still get her something small, or at least a card to say thank you.
You really don't need favors. Most collect dust anyway. If you feel you really need something - do something easy and edible. M&Ms in a small jar (you can get specific colored M&Ms at Michaels) or chocolate covered pretzels or even sugar cookies.
3pm is kind of in between meal time, so I would not do anything heavy. You are fine with some ribs, hot dogs if you are expecting kids, potato salad, and stuff like that.
I am confused though - from the sounds of it, you did/are doing most of everything... what exactly is she hosting?
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My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
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Is the "hostess" not paying for the food? I can kind of understand her asking your husband to actually do the grilling, but do not understand her asking you to foot the bill.
Usually, if I'm going to a shower at 3:00 in the afternoon I do not expect a full meal. If, however, the invitation said "there will be BBQ so bring the whole family" that would change my expectations. In this case, I think most people will be expecting a full meal.
I think you could get by without favors. If you really want to do them, though, maybe you could get cookies from a local bakery.
Even though your hostess sounds pretty lame, I think you should still get her a gift.
1. In lieu of a favor, make a donation to a charity in the name of your guests. This can be whatever you can afford and will go to a lot greater use than some cheesy favor. Simply tell guests, "In lieu of favors, we made a monetary donation to March of Dimes (or the charity of your choice) in the name of our shower guests."
2. If I were invited to a BBQ, I would expect a full spread, honestly. Especially if the invitation told me to bring the whole family. However, while DH can grill, the hostess should be paying for the food, not you. I would tell her, "We simply do not have the money to provide food for several people. We purchased two racks of ribs and that's all we can afford. You will need to get the rest of the food, or retract the BBQ portion of the invitation." She opened this can of worms, without talking to you, she needs to deal with it.
3. I would get her a small, inexpensive gift, or make a $25 donation to the same charity in her name.
don't worry about favors or the hostess gift
Ask your friend what kind of food she is providing for your DH to BBQ.
first off i would nt get her a gift considering ur pretty much hosting ur own shower, which should make her feel aweful. secondly, u need to have a talk with her about this. my besties would never leave me in a tizzy like this. third, i agree with the edible idea, everyone loves M&M's and shoot for some dogs and easy salads to round out the menu, also let her know she is expected to provide those things...
This, give her a card. No one keeps favors anyway. Tell her you have the ribs already, and she can drop off the other refrigerated food the day before if it's more convenient for her.
I agree with K.a.T.e.
You do not need to get favors and really if people are bringing the whole family what would you get that would be for men, women, kids (boy/girl). Doesn't make sense. If you want to get really small cookies with pink or blue frosting then just get them from a bakery to pass out along with the cake I hope she is providing.
I would not get her a hostess gift. Truthfully, she obviously doesn't understand what hosting a shower is anyway and would not expect one. I'd get her a thank you card and leave it at that.
Put those ribs in the freezer and buy a bunch of hot dogs, buns, ketchup and mustard. Buy the regally large containers of potato salad, baked beans and some chips. Hand her the bill for the food. BTW...make sure she is supplying the paper products. Does she even know how many are coming? Will you have enough seating, etc?
FWIW...if she is a good friend...why is it you did not not she was a ditz?
I agree with #1 and #2, but being as though you are a "secret co-host" by paying for the food, I would not get her a gift. What exactly did she pay for? Napkins, plates, and some invites? Yeah, not so much a gift needed, but a nice thank you card. I am paying for the food at my shower because the hostess' husband got laid off and I felt bad, so I offered to cover the food and she was very appreciative. I only plan to give her a thank you note.
With regards to the food, I would follow up with the hostess and see if she will "pick up more ribs" since you only bought enough ribs for one person per family , not the entire family as she noted on the invite. (she may and should have planned on providing all the food in the first place. Your DH was asked to grill, not buy all the food. Did she actually ask you to pick up ribs, or did you just assume you needed to do this?) If she cannot do this then...
...I would see if you could return the ribs and just do hot dogs and hamburgers. If returning the ribs is not an option, I would not serve the ribs. I would be annoyed if I showed up at a BBQ and did not push my way to the front of the line, only to find out that only the first 10 people in line got ribs and the rest of us got hot dogs. I would have a bad taste in my mouth over that one.
Potato salad is a great and cheap filler. I would skip things like fruit and vegetable trays because they are expensive. Chips and salsa are cheap, as are pretzels. Maybe do a jello or two and baked beans in a crock pot.
Last, I am so sorry you are in this situation. And shame on your host for putting you in this situation.
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I'm kinda in a similar situation! but just buy hot dogs, chips and potato salad to keep all inexpensive. and as far a hostess give I would just give her a thank you card. Good Luck! and Most imporant try to enjoy the shower.
This.
I think I'd say 'Do we need to bring anything or have you already gotten the food to bbq?' or something hinting at 'THIS WAS YOUR IDEA NOT MINE'..
I think it's CRAP that you are supposed to provide food for allt hese people. If she couldn't afford to do it, she shouldn't have put it on the invite.