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Does it ever get easier...?

Vine07Vine07 member
in Preemies
The feeling of guilt? I know it was not my fault that I had to deliver early but I just can't get this feeling of guilt to subside. It definitely has gotten better but I still feel so sad. I compare her to other babies which I know I shouldn;t do but I can;t help it. I am getting her evaluated for Early Intervention as I feel she may need some physical therapy. Sometimes at night I just lie awake reliving every moment of her birth and her time in the NICU. Just need some reassurance that this feeling will go away and that it is normal for me to still be feeling this way 5 months after.
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Re: Does it ever get easier...?

  • FutureMrsDenmanFutureMrsDenman member
    Totally normal.  Preemie mom guilt sucks!  But it does get easier for sure ... it just takes time and how much differs from person to person.  DD had EI services for a while.  I tried to focus on the positives of it (sometimes easier said than done) ... that she was getting help and so was I ... figuring out what she could and couldn't do and figuring out how we could help her.  It helped to keep in mind that she was on her own trajectory an that that was ok.  She'd get there eventually and at her own pace.  Comparing her to others was like apples and oranges and I tried my best not to do it.  It helped that she was in quarantine so long for RSV season and I couldn't get out and be around other people that much ... and certainly couldn't take her out.  When you aren't around other babies there aren't as many "in your face" comparissons.
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  • Bippy798Bippy798
    Its been 3 1/2 for me and I still feel it so I am guessing yes!
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  • TriciaJoyTriciaJoy member

    I think it does. With time.

    As Robbie has done better and better, my guilt has eased more. It still flares up occasionally. When we're having a hard time and I'm just sick of it all, sometimes I think DAMN MY BODY FOR LETTING HIM DOWN.. but it's not just as the forefront of my mind any more.
    For a long time, though.. it was bad. Any time someone mentioned his coming early, I'd add that he came early because my body failed. I was eaten with it.

    But yes.. EVENTUALLY it does ease. It just takes time. 

    ((HUG)) 

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  • Vine07Vine07 member
    Thanks...preemie mom guilt does suck! I am so happy that DD is doing well I'm just also sad at the same time. One of my closest friends is PG and she is 35 weeks now and I just think wow I never got there. No one gets what we've been through if they haven't been there themselves!
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  • monstergurlmonstergurl

    I hope I can avoid the long-term guilt. One of our good friends shared my original due date with me, May 7th. She is still pregnant and hoping the baby comes soon. I hope I don't start to compare the 2 babies...but I know I will.

    I'm dealing with breastfeeding guilt. My body doesn't produce a lot of milk and Will won't latch on. I just pump and feed as much as I can. I started suplimenting a small amount of formula just yesterday. Although I would love to do breastmilk only, I know I am not providing enough.

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  • Nikki1007Nikki1007
    The guilt is encompassing my life right now.  I keep thinking that my babies should still be in my tummy and Logan would still be with me.  I am not looking forward to mothers day since its my EDD.  I hope it gets better, but I know it will never be fully gone.
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  • At1stsightAt1stsight
    Hugs to everyone. It's so hard. I do think I feel much much better now than I did a few months ago. Early on is the hardest b/c the differences between your LO and others of the same actual age seem so big. DS was so small compared to other kids born one or two months after him, and then so slow to roll or really babble. But he's made leaps and bounds now - he's a completely different baby than he was 3 months ago. I still worry anytime I notice he's not 'on schedule' for something, but it's gotten better b/c I've seen how much he HAS caught up on certain things and that he IS progressing. Even if it's at his own pace, he progresses. Who cares if he was 2 months behind lots of kids to roll? He can roll and that's all that matters. Who cares if he won't walk till a few extra months past a year? He will eventually walk. There are no medals handed out to adults who walked a few months before another one did. It just matters that we're all walking/talking/rolling now. That's what I tell myself anyway.
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  • FemmeNat01FemmeNat01 member
    I hope so. Today is my due date so it feels weird to me. I can't help but look at my babies and see how small they are. I just feel like my body failed them.
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