Unsupportive about going back to work....

Re: Unsupportive about going back to work....

• shouldbworkin

  April 2010

  All you can do is show her how well it works out.  I'm not sure if I would even comment b/c who needs to talk about this from now until sept.  Just show her that she's wrong.  A lot has changed since she became a mom and it doesn't mean that you can't balance it b/c she couldn't. 

  My mom hated being a SAHM and still gave me grief about it.  She stopped awhile ago when she saw that my kids are growing, thriving and suffering no ill effects from having working parents.

  DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12

  Report0 Reply
• Loading the player...
• Roco&Leche

  April 2010

  ((hugs)).  This is a very hard decision to make and only you and your DH know what is best for your family.  Maybe your mom had some hopes of bonding with you over the experience.

  Bottom line though, its YOUR decision.  Your mom does not have to approve.  There will be tons of people that will give you those negative comments and just remember the reasons you decided to go back to work.  Besides, if after going back you realize its not what you expected/hoped, then you can always stop working or make the changes necessary.

  I am having my 3rd child and my mom thinks its crazy that I am not going to become a SAHM but after weighing all the options, I have decided to keep working.  DH is very supportive and knows that me happy = happy family. 

  Eventually just tell your mom that you have thought of all the pros and cons and decided to go back to work at this time.  Thank her for her input but let her know the subject is not open for discussion. 

  Report0 Reply
• worleygirl member

  April 2010

  Since it sounds like SAH is an option for you, you should tell her you are going to try it out and if it doesn't work out you are lucky that you have the option to choose.  My Mom was supportive but my MIL made all kinds of nasty comments.  Bottom line  - it is your life and your family and your Mom already had the opportunity to make those decisions with her family.  As long as you aren't endangering your baby in any way, no one else's opinion really matters.  I firmly believe that.  But get use to other peoples' opinions about child rearing because you're going to hear them non-stop for the next 40 years.  GL!

   

  Report0 Reply
• Mini_Mariah

  April 2010

  I got a lot of the same attitude from family.  DH's dad made comments like "When are you going to make enough money so that she can stay home?" to DH.  DH makes more than enough for me to stay home, but I enjoy working and also make a great living.  My dad said he was going to send my mom to take care of DD (half joking, I guess) and gave me a bunch of crap about sending his grandchild to daycare, but then in other conversations he would tell me that to stop working would be wasting my degree.  I just ignore all of them - they made their choices and now it's up to us to make the choices that work best for our family.  DD is thriving in daycare and we're all pretty happy as a family - and that's what counts.

  

  Report0 Reply
• nickicl member

  April 2010

  honeybee111:

  I'm a teacher and took the rest of the school year off after I had DD in January, and recently decided to return to work in the fall instead of SAH.  It was a really tough decision for me to make.  I miss working, I miss my students, and teaching.  I love being with DD, but I think I can handle both and I want to give it a try.

  The thing is, my mom has been giving me tons of pressure to SAH.  My mom was a SAHM, so obviously, she's coming from that point of view, but I told her I was planning to return to work and she sent me this super long email about how I won't be able to balance work and home life, and how could I let someone else care for DD.  It was just really hurtful because it's not like I haven't thought of those exact things.  I'm really close to my mom and we get along great and it just sucks that she's not supportive of me right now.  I don't usually feel this needy about my mom's approval, so maybe I'm just hormonal today.....

  Sounds like your mom is deflecting.  Maybe she always wanted a career but decided it wasn't going to work for her so she assumes it can't work for you.  Either way its just a bunch of negative bs you don't need.

  If she is passing judgement on this she wil be passing judgement on everything else so do not put yourself in a position to try to please her, it will only bring on more of her instructions.

  I think being a teacher is typically a great job for finding work-life balance and there are many many moms who raise great healthy kids with very demanding jobs.  No one should be made to feel guilty about having a life and identity of their own. 

  My mom worked because she had to.  I work because I choose to.  I have a great f'n job and my baby is very happy to spend some time in a great daycare and see a refreshed mommy and daddy in the evenings.

  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• shopgirl78 member

  April 2010

  What a bummer!  I am sorry she is making you feel that way.   FWIW, its totally doable to balance work and a job.   I do it with three!  Is my house always clean?  No but its not a pig pen either.  My kids don't always eat "from scratch" perfect healthy foods but they eat!  And I do try to make sure its healthy for them.  I also try to spend their awake time with them.    We all do what we can with what we have.   Currently, I am a social worker but I have been looking for jobs in the school system or consider a teacher's certificate for the better schedule (although I know its not 7-3) and because I think I can help kids learn.  I taught at the univeristy level for a while maybe I could help high schoolers transition or something...

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• roshybride member

  April 2010

  It took a while for my  mom and MIL to warm up to the idea of me going back to school. Both of them were SAHMs.  I explained to them the reasons why I was going back and it took a little while and they are supportive now. My MIL had a harder time with it, because she couldn't understand why I would want to leave my children and why SAH didn't work for me.

  Maybe just sit down and talk with your mom. Explain to her why you want to work. And September is a long time away. She might just need some time to get used to the idea.

  Baby #1 edd 4/21/07 - Matthias James born 5/2/07, 9 lbs, 22 in
  
  
  Baby # 2 edd 11/26/08 - Ezra Jacob born 11/29/08, 9 lbs 6 oz., 21 3/4 in
  
  
  Baby #3 edd 05/04/13 - Titus Jude born 05/01/13, 9 lb 5 oz. 21.5 in
  
  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• katesmom73

  April 2010

  My Mom was also a SAHM and although she is supportive of my choice, I don't think she always understands why I'm not available to talk when she needs me or why I can't talk long or why I'm too tired to talk during the week (she's retired).

  I think you have to let her comments fall off your back...it's not an easy decision either way these days.  You're either giving up a career and trying to figure out your place without a career or trying to balance both and it's difficult.  I don't think you should try to "prove" anything to her except that you made a choice and you're doing your best to make it work.
  

  Report0 Reply