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riserst
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Explain to me Why!?!?
riserst
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I've been noticing the 'heated' posts on this board for the last couple of days. I just want to know why would a 19 year old girl be TRYING to get pregnant?
At 19... you should be in college, having a good time, experiencing life and dating (plural). I don't understand. Seems way too young to be WANTING to become a parent.
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Re: Explain to me Why!?!?
Well the girl on the farmer post doesn't sound mature enough to be a mother, but there are some women at 19 who I think make excellent mothers and feel called to be that.
Just because when you were young being in college and having fun was what you wanted doesn't mean it's whatever woman at that age wants. I am a pretty big feminist and I feel that part of that is feeling that women should feel empowered to be whatever they want to be. Whether that's a housewife, a mother, a CEO, or a firewoman. They should go for it. If a woman is in a happy, stable relationship, has the stability to offer and provide for a child, and she feels called to be a mother than I don't see why she's less qualified than an older woman in the exact same situation.
Some of the most beloved mothers on this site are young, but they are damm good moms and are thrilled to be doing it.
This is my siggy. Love it.
You shouldn't say what's too young and what the "right" age is. I was 19 when I got married and turned 20 just a few months before we started trying. Not all 19-21 year olds are immature and not able to make important decision.
Also, if you just look at her profile, you'll see they weren't "trying". Granted they weren't using birth control, but they also weren't really trying like most of us were to get pregnant.
Edit to add that I still think she's a nut.
Darling Little Sydney born 12.22.12
Two Babies in Heaven
My Babe, More Precious is to Me
~A ridiculous amount of love to all my Golden Girls!~
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may i direct your attention to the post about the movie "Idiocracy" instead?
I would just DD now, because you obviously have NO clue what you are talking about.
Some 16 year olds try and get pregnant. As do 15 and 17 year olds. It's 2010. Welcome.
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Being young really isn't all that bad. My mom married and had kids young. My sister was also 18 when she married and got pregnant with her first soon after. I am 27 and expecting my first. I would have married young if I found the right man. I always wanted to be a mom. Things worked out well though cause I got to live alone for a time and go on trips with my girlfriends. Things my mom and sister never got to do.
I don't think it's age. I think it's the maturity level. And yeah some of the people posting on here definetly aren't mature.
So.. a 19 year old, who has just finished school is mature enough to make the decision to become pregnant. I remember at 19 that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Pregnancy and motherhood were not on my mind though.
I had my first child at 22. While I love her dearly, I WISH I would have waited until I was at least in my mid 20's to late 20's minimum. Maybe later. Parenthood is the most rewarding thing I have ever done, but it is also the hardest thing I have ever done. I wish that I would have had myself in a more stable situation. I'm 35 now and while I wish I would not have waited so long to have another child, I also feel that I am more ready (in EVERY way) than I ever was before.
That's nice, and that's YOUR experience. I'm not saying that "bf delivering baby" chick is responsible or ready, but that you don't have to be in your mid to late 20's before you're ready to be a mother.
My sister had her first child shortly after she turned 21, she's 30 now and a mother of 4 and if you ask her, she wouldn't have done it any other way. She was ready to be a mother, maybe you weren't but that doesn't mean you're right.
Darling Little Sydney born 12.22.12
Two Babies in Heaven
My Babe, More Precious is to Me
~A ridiculous amount of love to all my Golden Girls!~
i think there is a minimum. 16 is too young. So is 17.
18...you're legally an adult. 19, too. But unless you and your partner are in a committed (and IMO legally binding) relationship, with finances and a way of supporting yourself lined up, you are probably still too young.
are there 30 year olds out there who also don't have their sh*t together? Yep. But statistically a lot fewer.
also...speaking from experience, even if you are mature and ready for all that stuff at 19 or 20, your partner may not be. i got married at 21 to a man i'd dated since I was 18, and at the time I was ready to start a family, he was off having an affair with one of the college students he was teaching as a grad student. I would have sworn up and down we were BOTH ready for a life commitment (marriage at that point, kids to come) but he showed in time he was not. Everyone I know who got married under age 25 (in the last 20 years, not my folks' generation,) has gotten divorced, usually due to infidelity of one of the partners, or a partner realizing they didn't, at 19 or 20, really know what they wanted for the rest of their lives.
BTW: not using birth control = trying to get pregnant. If someone isn't mature enough to know that, then they're also probably not mature enough to deal with the consequences either, REGARDLESS of their physiological age.
"Smudge's Story - How to Grow a Dandelion" will return soon!
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"If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn."
Everyone is different, as I recall. You not being mature when you were 20 is YOU. When I was 20 I was alot more mature than most people at my age.
Alot of teenagers WANT to be mother's. It's what they decide on. You aren't everyone.
disagree with PP. not using BC is not TTC. it's just being stupid. plenty of women have abortions after failing to use BC. they were not TTC. they were just too stupid/irresponsible to realize that failing to use BC means you just might end up conceiving, trying or not.
*Sorry to be off topic but throwing out that your dogs are adorable in that picture* Carry on, ladies.
I agree they technically are trying to get pregnant since they were dumb and decided not to use any birth control, that why I said they weren't trying like most of use were to get pregnant.
Either way, she's an idiot.
Darling Little Sydney born 12.22.12
Two Babies in Heaven
My Babe, More Precious is to Me
~A ridiculous amount of love to all my Golden Girls!~
Could not agree more.
Just because you think people are too young, that doesn't mean they necessarily are. Everyone is different, I know plenty of people who got married young and had kids and all but one that I can think of, are still together.
Darling Little Sydney born 12.22.12
Two Babies in Heaven
My Babe, More Precious is to Me
~A ridiculous amount of love to all my Golden Girls!~
exactly. therefore, not using birth control = trying to conceive, whether intentional or not.
Ignorance is not an excuse. Nor is it birth control.
And to whoever said plenty of teenagers TRY to get pregnant, and it's what they want... if you think that makes someone mature enough to be a parent, that's pretty sad. I wanted a lot of things when i was 17. It doesn't mean i should have them.
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"If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn."
that's the point that you're missing.
i can tell you at that age, 21, I was mature, ready for a lifelong commitment, took my marriage vows seriously, etc.
and every single divorced couple I know that fits into the category I described has ONE person in that couple who was likewise mature, ready for commitment, took his or her marriage vows seriously. And one that didn't.
And you can only know for certain about yourself. You can't know for certain about your partner. Like I said, I would have sworn up and down that my ex was all sorts of mature and "ready" at 23 for marriage. Turns out, lifelong commitment was not something he could handle. Same goes for my cousin's wife who got to law school and decided my cousin wasn't "moving fast enough" in his career (which he left to move across country for her to go to law school.) Same goes for my friend's husband who left her after their third child was 3 weeks old.
And all of those situations suck.
Yes, there are mature young folks out there. And hopefully, the ones that have kids at an early age are married to equally mature young folks. I don't look down on anyone who opts to go that way. I was there myself, and totally would have argued for my own maturity and judgment at that age. But I think you are running a bigger risk when you start a family when you are barely not a kid yourself. Sometimes, it pays off. Sometimes, you end up like my friend, celebrating her 31st birthday as the mother of 3 and newly divorced.
Thank you!!
I've apparently ruffled some feathers with the wording of my question. I will try again.
What makes a girl of 19 years old say "I am ready and want to become a mother now"?
You guys are cracking me up! It must be so nice up there on the high horse
I was 18 by 11 days when I gave birth to my DD. Was I a dumb kid? Probably, but I worked my tail off to give her everything she needed despite the fact that her biological father and I did not work it out, never took a bit of assistance, and next month my DD will graduate from college with a degree in elementary education (and she is 21, married with a BABY :::gasp:::) BTW, my son, 18 is also in college, I have an 8 year old, and ones on the way! Oh, and last, but not least, I am now an attorney.
MaryBeth, Mom to Carolee (21), Spencer (18), Alex (8), and new little blessing EDD 11/9/2010!
LOL! So true, so true!
Sure it might be ideal to wait until after you have finished your education, but being a young mother isn't the worst thing in the world.
Ever sense I was little and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I told them I wanted to be a mommy. Having children and being a wife and mother is just kinda "my calling" I guess. Lol. It's what makes me happy. I was lucky enough to find a man who I am so in love with and who loves me back just as passionately. Being a family at 21 feels right and makes us happy. Yes we could've waited 5-10 years before we started having children but for us there was no reason to wait.
applauds attorneymb and other young moms who make it work, either with a loving partner or on their own. you are a credit to your kids.
and FYI my own parents have been married 38 years and got married young and started a family young. but my mom credits being blessed with a wonderful man who put her and our family first. not everyone is so blessed.
so like i said before, i don't judge the young moms out there. but it is a risky situation.
Personally, I'm glad I waited until I was in my 30's, happily married (being married for a few years before baby was important to both of us), financially solid and had a great college experience to start trying for a baby. I have a couple of friends who were young mothers and I've seen them go through good and bad, most acted out at some point and were a bit irresponsible because they wanted to party, but they've been great mothers who are raising fantastic kids. None of them regret their children, but most would agree that they wish they would have waited.
As for too young - as long as you love your child, can provide for them and I'm not paying for you then knock your selves up/out/whatever. I just don't want to hear any complaining about your lost youth/college years/etc in 5 years.
I agree...wasn't going to comment on this post. But I got married at 18, I did not have a baby but I did start trying at 20. I sadly have infertility & have had to go through treatments & now its been 4 yrs & many infertility treatments later & 2 losses, and I am pregnant. I have to say I am glad we didn't get pregnant the first 2 yrs of marriage. It is very important to establish yourselves as a married couple. I have made MANY mistakes in my marriage & my husband as well BUT we are still married 6 yrs later & happy, very happy. I plan to keep working at it to stay happily married but I had to get mature fast at 18 when I got married. I can't imagine being at parent at the same time. BUT it wasn't ALL age it was being married & living together & establishing our marriage first.
This.. I am 20 DF is 25.. I moved out of my home a week after graduation. We have our own apt, LO will have her own room we can pay the bills and afford everything without any gov't assistance and WONT struggle to survive. We both have stable jobs with awesome benefits and we both have promotions lined up (I'm already promised one once I go back after maternity leave)
Not every teen or young person is at home living with mommy and daddy working at mcdonalds mooching off others and the government.. When you're ready you know you're ready.. Because OP was not ready that does not mean others are in the same boat..
This. I'm 21, married, and pregnant. I was not "dating around" when I was 19, I was dating my husband (as I was for five years before we got married.) There's nothing wrong with starting a family when you're in early adulthood.
That being said. Before I was ready to have children, I was definitely on birth control. And I think the fact that this girl wasn't says something about how responsible she is.
I am 19, married, have a career as a phlebotomist, and even though my husband and I were not trying to get pregnant, doesn't meant that even at 5 weeks this baby is our world. Yes, they are 19 year olds who are not as "ready", and capable as we are. But I don't think others should be judging them, or deciding their futures for them. There are a few of us youngins' out there who are fully able beings to care for a child.
Well, here's my question...if you can have a child at 18 or 19, why not wait until 25? Even if all you've ever wanted is to be a mother...your kids eventually grow up and leave you. What are YOUR interests? Are you protecting yourself and your children by possibly not completing further education? What if, god forbid, something were to happen to your spouse? Could you support your family?
There has been a lot of research coming out that states that the human brain isn't fully matured until the age of 25. Anyone who willingly gave up their chance at exploring adulthood before becoming a mother doesn't scream mature to me.
so because you know of three couples that married young and later got divorced, you feel you can deduce that ALL couples that marry young will have infidelity in the relationship??????????? this is rediculous
i had all this by the time i was 23. (got my masters degree at 22, married and bought a 3bdrm house the same year, and saved over $25K in the bank)
Age has nothing to do with it!!!!!!