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Northern California Babies
Smuches4u
member
Makes me sick. Sensitive subject.
Smuches4u
member
I'm currently experiencing rage over this. Having said that, I'm not in their shoes. Just makes me sick with greif.
https://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/local/east_bay&id=7394211
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Makes me sick. Sensitive subject.
I read this article last week. It ruined my day, but opened my eyes. Made me paranoid.
Terrible. Tragic. Heartbreaking.
Ok I ALWAYS...ALWAYS stand up for the parents in these awful situations...
This one I cant wrap my mind around how to do that...
Most times I think "yea that could happen to me" Especially at times like these with 2 kids and maybe 4 hours sleep a few nights in a row..
But this story...I for the first time feel like I can say no this wouldnt happen to us...
br
I agree... it makes me sick, but I try to put myself in their shoes. That other article broke my heart but opened my eyes.
Yeah, this one is different for me too. In most cases like this, while I'd like to think there is no way I'd ever do it, I also know there are plenty of days where I don't know what day it is and plenty of times I've found myself taking the route home instead of to daycare because I have too much on my mind.
But this one? The most difficult thing for me to get past is sleeping until noon and still not getting up to check the kid. Personally I don't sleep unless I have said goodnight to S but she's not a terribly light sleeper so maybe I wouldn't risk going in to wake her up. But if I woke up a NOON and hadn't heard a peep from my kid - WTF???
You guys may know this happened to a dear friend of mine last year. I'm still not even close to over it, and this article made me cry again.
We-love, I read that story last week when it won the Pulitzer but could only get a few paragraphs into it before it was too much.
But there is something about this story that seems strange. I know I've become a total paranoid mom after my friend's accident (to the point where I'm actually talking to a therapist about it), but there is no way I could go 13 hours without looking at my child, whether it be on a video monitor or in person.
I certainly have found myself distracted in my normal driving routine and have made the wrong turn, but realized my mistake before I arrived at my intended destination. I can totally see how one could be distracted and forget about a soundly sleeping baby in the back seat.
What makes me so upset about this whole thing is the two parents didn't seem to communicate AT ALL about who brought the child in. They both assumed, and then to top it off a 7 month old, especially a light sleeper doesn't sleep for 10 hrs straight, let alone 13. And where was the 2yo during that 13 hr window? You mean for me to understand that a 2yo is self sufficiant enough that you don't have to wake up for them??
There are still so many unknowns in this case, but all of that unknown floating around right now is maddening.
I'm sorry for the loss of precious life. Lets hope we all learn from others mistakes.
Really? I don't check on my kid at all during the night. His crib is safe, we can hear him very easily if he needs us and he is a light sleeper who would totally wake up if we opened the door to check on him. I don't think it's that unusual to put your child to bed and not check on them until the next morning. That being said, the noon thing does sound really odd to me - I expect my child up between 6 and 8 a.m. MAYBE a little later if he's sick, but still....
That article really opened my eyes from the 'accused' perspective. This case is unusual. This case is weird, I agree. But I'm still not going to say never. I'm too terrified of that biting me in the ass.
Well, having a 6 month old, I'm still up 2 times a night so yes, I do still check on my 2 yr old and 6 month old as well. Even if they are both sleeping through the night, I still wake up on my own and check on them. So with that said, they have a 7 month old who may or may not sleep through the whole night, but you'd still think they'd at least check on them before they go to sleep themselves.
I totally agree with this! Every time I hear about something like this it makes me re-evaluate my own procedures, just in case.
I actually heard about this right after it happened because my friend called me to cry because she was one of the paramedics that had to go. Her son is just slightly older than mine and she needed "another mommy who could understand because this was the worst call ever" so we both cried together.
That said...we both feel like something is different with this case...but...
I am choosing to not think about the parents this time, I just held my little guy and cried because I was so sick thinking about that little baby and how horrific the final moments were.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
dh and i talked about this last night as this story was actually talked about at his monday night poker game in ... antioch.
there are alot of dads who he plays poker w/ and all them saw a gapping hole in the story .. how does one w/ a 2yo and an infant get to sleep in until NOON ?!? w/out a peep from either. also who doesn't check in on their kid, light sleeper or not.
i get how people can forget about thier kid due to a change in routine *tradgic BART incident last year* but i CANNOT wrap my head around parents 'forgetting' a child for THIRTEEN hours ?!? they got home at 11:30p, they went to bed at 3:30am and NO ONE asked did you tuck the baby in, did you change the baby ?!? i mean i get nervous when i don't hear the jrts for 20 minutes - so you can imagine that i check in on rosie if i haven't heard her in awhile.
then to have the dad wake up at noon and go to the gym not realizing that his baby girl was STILL strapped into her carseat (my fear is that she was already dead at that point .. it was COLD saturday night) and drove to the gym and went into the gym to work out only to come out when the mom at TWO IN THE AFTERNOON ?!? realized that the baby not in the crib and called the gym to alert the dad. mmmm the dad had been working out for 1 1/2 - 2 hrs at that point and it was warm out that way sunday.
this could have been prevented and while most parents in a frazzled state can see themselves forgetting a child, forgetting a child under those circumstances is mind-boggling and shows a clear lack of communication. i'm sure there's more to this story .... we'll just have to wait and see.
*sorry it's long
Totally agree! Andrew is an insanely light sleeper and at 7 months there was no chance we were going in his room for anything for fear of waking him up,, BUT even on days that my kid sleeps in an hour later than normal the first thing I say to DH when we wake up and realize how late it is, is go make sure he's ok! Not checking on your kid when you wake up at noon just smacks of neglect, no kid is going to just be sleeping that entire time especially not a light sleeper.
It sadly sounds to me like they came home, on something, stayed up even later and crashed hard. Woke up in the morning all hungover and figured hey the baby is asleep, thank god they're not going to bother me and I get to relax.
Even the part of they each thought the other brought the kid in,ummm did they not go into the house together. I mean when DH and I come home there is no way we wouldn't realize if the other person had or had no taken a kid inside.
this is what the timeline of events seem to suggest, they got home from doing laundry at a relative's house at 11:30pm (which i can completely understand) but didn't go to bed until 3:30am ?!? makes me wonder what did they do for those 4 hrs ?!?
I just read all the articles linked and am balling. I do find some holes in what happened in Antioch. I can see not checking on a child but letting them sleep til noon seems odd.
As someone who has been intesly sleep deprived for long periods of time, I am just very thankful it didn't happen to me. I think the article that we-love linked said it best that this is "a mistake of memory that delivers a lifelong sentence of guilt far greater than any a judge or jury could mete out".
Wow, that Washington Post article has me in tears. There was fair warning that I would cry, and yet I read it, the whole thing, at work, kleenex in hand. How terribly sad and tragic. Just...ugh.
It also totally made me think maybe there should be some system - something you slip over your rear view mirror, a lanyard or something. Or something you keep in the car seat that you take out when you put baby in and then place somewhere in the car. Something that alerts you that baby is in the car always. Problem is it would just become another thing to remember, and could easily be forgotten. And as I was reading and thinking of all these safety measures and reminders to *invent* or utilize, I was thinking how I just know that my husband would say, "we don't need that, we would neeeever do that..."...and that's just exactly what the article points out about why these safety devices will never sell - people are so sure they would never do it. How just absolutely, horrific and terribly terribly sad. It's just so so terrible.
I spoke with DH about the WP article last week (made me paranoid and put me in a super sad, foul mood all day Friday) and this morning discussed the Antioch case (saw it on FB, didn't read it). DH was saying 'I would never do that. Ever. Ever leave my child in the car. Like kittylove said, sleep deprived, stressed, chaotic with one change in routine, I will never say never. DH is going out of town in a couple of weeks, I'm in charge of day care drop off and pick up in his car. DCP knows how to get ahold of each of us (multiple numbers) should there be a weird change in routine (after reading stories like this shortly after DD's birth) but I'm still paranoid about it.
If there was a product out there, I'd purchase it in a heartbeat. As a percaution, of course... even if we didn't need it, what if someone else needed it (family member watching DD).
I find myself constantly looking in the mirror at L when he is in the car seat, even if he is quietly sleeping. But I'm also not as sleep deprived now as I used to be when he was little.
This is something that has me desperately afraid though. Accidents do happen and I honestly don't know how I could live with myself.
I am one that tries to see the parent side of it and try to understand. Simply because as a parent myself, I have my days when I am just so frazzled I don't know which end is up.
THAT said...I am having a real hard time with this one. I saw this on the news last night and sat there for a long while thinking about it.
Ok, I get that they forgot their little girl assuming the other parent took care of her. But to not realize that SOMETHING is wrong until 2pm the next day? Seriously?
No one went into her room or wherever she is supposed to be sleeping to check on her? She is 7 months old. I just can't wrap my mind around not going in there and checking on the baby.
Heck, every time I get up in the middle of the night I go in and peek at both of my kids.
This is heart breaking and just incites anger in me.
Ditto everything here. I rarely check on Maddy before I go to bed or even in the morning before I leave since I leave hours before she wakes up. (granted I have the monitor right next to my bed but its on low and she doesn't always make sounds)
The article we-love posted was very eye opening. I guess with this story, their lifestyle (I generally wake up before 8am) is different then mine so I have a hard time undernstanding me or my kid sleeping til noon. 13 hours yes, but I'd be on the edge of my seat waiting for her to wake up ready with some milk. The other day she wasn't feeling well and DH called me to say she was still asleep at 9:30.... I freaked out a bit.
I dunno, the story just seemed off.
How very heartbreaking for that family.
OMG...I know who does...or at least did/would have and now I am balling. JLKs birthmom.
One of my biggest "issues" with her as a mom is how she would sleep till 10-11 and let her 2 yr old daughter get up and fend for herself...
My god this could have easily happened to my baby girl...
br
And what about diaper changes? No one changed a diaper in 13 hours? Something shouldve clicked and said, 'when's the last time I changed her diaper?' I cried so hard last night for the baby --- sadly im extremely skeptical about the parents.
And completely infuriating, and adding immensely to the whole dilemma prosecuters have about intent and neglect when they see the truly tragic cases (and adding to the suspiciousness of couples like the Antioch couple) is bullsh*t like THIS.
Fvcking morons in our own "backyard" (Rancho Cordova) just 3 days ago leave a 7 week old baby in a car to go gambling in Thunder Valley. I hate people.
Stef, this RC couple makes me so mad. On the news, they said that the couple specifically parked their car far away from all other cars. Hmmmm, just running to the bathroom, huh?
Yeah, they have them on camera gambling for 2+ hours. And they parked far away and they covered the baby with a blanket (security guard had to physically move the car to confirm the baby was in there). Everything points to this couple being incredibly reckless and I hope they pay a very, very steep price. It just makes me SO angry.
Ohhhh that one made me sooooo angry, WTF people. The sad thing is in that case is they are likely to get a 2nd chance to parent that poor child after some kind of jail time and then parent training.
This! How is it that they wouldn't be up early to feed a 7 month old baby, wouldn't wonder why they haven't heard her cry, etc. I just don't get it.
It breaks my heart.
I was just discussing this whole thing with a friend and she told me about the RC couple, I was furious! My issue with these kinds of deaths are that anyone can do it and those who do it intentionally can also say " i didn't know" making it difficult on the prosecuters to weed out the bad seeds. It makes me wonder how long they would of stayed in there and if their excuse would of been "we didnt know" if the baby had been found dead. I just dont get it.. 7 weeks? Doesn't the baby need to eat every 2 hours?!
How do we really know? The antioch couple just has waaay too many holes for me to believe. I'm afraid of waking up olivia to check on her so we have a video monitor, makes it easy. Not everyone has a video monitor I get that but neither parent discusses their child before bed? after getting up at noon? I really hope they look more into this.
How do you both walk in and not realize neither got the baby out?I don't see how either parent didn't check on her for 13 hours! I USED to sleep in until 10-11 before I had olivia. There is no way in hell that is happening how and she sleeps through the night. She still wakes up at 7 to eat, sometimes she goes back down, sometimes she doesnt but I always get that initial 7am feeding after a long sleep. How someone can go until 2pm.. I will never know. especially if their child is a "light sleeper"
I know I'm just repeating everyone else, this whole thing just makes me soooo upset.
I had to go through a couple pages to see if this was discussed...I assumed it was.
Poor, poor baby...and the 2 yr old??? Where was she during this time? Horrible, unfit parents. I'm sorry, but this story does not make sense at all. How the hell do you sleep til noon and two with a 2 yr old and a 7 month old. No feedings, no diaper changes? The dad just leaves to go to the gym while the mom is sleeping and doesn't even check on the kids?? Almost makes me question if this is, in fact, how Sofia actually died.