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I am only going to say this once

ijackijack member
in Preemies

I am SOOO tired of the pain olympics that seem to be the new trend on this board. I've been here for 2+ years and have never experienced anything like this. This board has been an amazing support for me and I stick around because I want to be able to support the new moms. 

I don't care if your baby spent 1 day or 100 days in the NICU it still sucks. It's natural to feel sad about and it's not something that anyone else can understand, which is why we're here for each other. I understand that you can't relate to every single person that posts, but if you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself. There is NO reason to make someone feel bad because they didn't have it as badly as you did. Honestly there is always someone who has it worse than the next person, but that isn't what this board is about. We're here to support other parents who are going through a similar experience.

I understand that it's not easy for everyone to put their pain aside to support other parents, but if that is the case there is no reason to respond. I know it's easier to offer support the further removed you are, which is why I can say this, but there is NO reason to make other feel bad. We are supposed to be a supportive board and it really kills me  that lately not everyone is feeling that.   

Emma - March '08 Quinn - August '11
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Re: I am only going to say this once

  • Rachel&JoeRachel&Joe
    amen!  there is no need for it on this board.
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  • beachykeen1723beachykeen1723 member

    Yes

     

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  • boolos2B05boolos2B05
    I agree.
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  • KellyMichelleKellyMichelle
    Agreed.  It is not a contest to see whose baby spent the most time in the NICU, had the most problems, etc. People are coming here for support.  Support them or ignore them.  There is NO reason to be mean or rude.
    Kelly, Mom to Noah 8.27.05 (born at 26 weeks)
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  • At1stsightAt1stsight
    I'm starting to get really Momma Bear about this. I'm just going to put this out there right now - if you belittle another person's experience because it doesn't compare to your own, I will respond and I will be very direct about the ugliness of speaking that way to someone who is hurting. I am NOT someone to create drama or try and 'flame' someone, but I refuse to let this kind of rudeness and insensitivity run unchallenged.
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  • FutureMrsDenmanFutureMrsDenman member

    Well said ijack! 

    I have been on this board for 29 months and it is just in the last 2 weeks that I have really seen this stuff take place here.  So sad and uncalled for.  There is a lot of hurt out there surrounding birth experiences ... too much.  And this board has always been so uplifing, supporting, open, and inspirational.  I hope that those who are hurting enough right now to let it come out and hurt others can find some peace and relief soon before this really gets out of hand.

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  • *KatieH**KatieH*

    it makes me sad how this place has changed.   We are all preemie/NICU moms so get over yourselves with your I have it wore business. 

    **That wasn't directed at anyone in this post but at those who aremaking being a NICU/Preemie parent a competition, just to be clear :) ** 

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  • TriciaJoyTriciaJoy member
    Amen, sister.
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  • DenesdiaDenesdia member
    Yes
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  • gwenypher7gwenypher7 member

    I agree! I feel so sad when people come here for support and are basically told that their feelings aren't valid because "I had it worse than you".

    So sad :(

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  • ssg73ssg73

    Ditto

    I came to this board to get help and stay so that I can give back to the new moms.  I wish that I never had to come to this board but I am so glad that it was here when I needed it.  I hope we can get back to our supportive self soon. 

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  • lstaylor73lstaylor73
    Well said Ivory!  This board is a savior for any and all who are hurting, recovering, need support, are scared, have questions, want to understand, and like the tone of a truly supportive board. 
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  • Heather1979Heather1979 member

    Ugh. I totally agree. I just read a post a few lines down and got pretty pissed about it.

    We all have/had our own particular flavor of hell to endure. It's not a pissing match, it's a place to give and get support.

    So, if you don't have anything nice to say to someone who is obviously going through somthing like this then shut your piehole.

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  • lemen99lemen99 member
    Well said. I haven't been around much latey but I'm sorry to hear this has been going on.
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  • FemmeNat01FemmeNat01 member
    I agree 100%.
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  • twh2006twh2006
    I haven't been over here much either. I'm really sad to hear this is happening. Of all the boards on the bump this one should be the most supportive. No one understands what we are going through but us. I also feel if someone's baby was just in the NICU for a short time we should just be grateful for that!
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  • DeepoetDeepoet member

    This is the reason why I stopped posting here and have only been lurking.

    My feelings were hurt when it was pointed out that even though my DS was taken away from me to go to a different hospital a few hours after he was born and I could not see him till I was released the next day and then spent only 6 days in the NICU that I can't complain and it doesnt compare to what they went through.

    I know it doesn't compare to a long stay and I wasn't trying to compare to anyone else, but we all go through so much that no one else really understands which is why we come here to begin with.  We all have a story and this place is a great resource for information and support.

    Thank you ladies for always being here for me and everyone else who needs it!

     

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  • dmblackdmblack

    I haven't been around much either. But this was the very reason that the Toddler Mom's board started.  The Parenting board got really bad for a while and many of us defected to a private board that you needed to be approved membership too. 

    Please do not create drama and make this board what the parenting board became.  I like what others said --- if you don't have something nice to say --- keep it to yourself.  This board is about support and not a contest on who's baby was sicker, or that baby that spent the most time in the NICU.  Any NICU stay (even a couple hours) is hard.

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  • lm4blm4b
    imageDeepoet:

    This is the reason why I stopped posting here and have only been lurking.

    This.  I have enough "pain olympics" going on IRL, I don't need it online, too. It sucks, but I just don't have the time or the energy to deal.

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