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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Speaking of corporal punishment...
Are you for or against spanking?
We will be a no-spanking house. I was raised in a no-spanking house and will do the same for my kids. DH was raised in a belt/spatula spanking house and coming from that extreme he doesn't want to spank at all.
Curious about everyone else, and what your parents did for you?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Speaking of corporal punishment...
I don't know.
We were spanked. But never hard, and very rarely. We had to do something pretty bad. I remember each time though, and I remember WHY each time, and it affectively cured me from doing it again. Every time they did, they would sit down with us after and talk about why, and it always ended in hugs. So I guess that's why it left an impression on both of us.
My parents are pretty much the world's greatest parents, so I view their discipline as completely acceptable. But i don't know right now how we will correct bad behavior. I think every child is very different, and different things work for different folks.
That whole thing just made me really sad.
what that Im pro spanking.. or DH?
I come from a spanking only when we were uncontrollable. My sister and I used to fight for every little thing ( 15 months apart). So my mom used to get fed up and spank us every now and then.
DH on the other side comes from a non spanking family and cannot believe we were spanked. Well..it doesn't bother me, but DH thinks it is cruel. but little does he know how hyper my sister and I were as kids. When I see some videos of us when little...I totally understand why my mom spanked us..LOL.
I would NEVER like to spank my child.
That is awful!
We will spank. But our pastor has taught a lot of "rules" for spanking. Never spank when you're angry. Spank only once per offense. Spank only for things the child has previously been warned not to do. (I/E--don't spank b/c your angry, tired or annoyed. he gives the example of not spanking his son for trying to clean the carpet with a mop b/c he hadn't expressly said don't clean it that way.)
Flame if you want, but it's our choice, and this is the choice we made.
Also, only my husband I can spank her, not IL or any other caregiver.
ETA: We will use other discipline methods, such as privilege restriction. Our main spankings would probably be for disrespect toward me, DH, or some other authority figure. We will never spank in public. And I believe that at a certain age spankings will stop as punishment, like when she's in double digits, because I don't think spanking a tween or teen would be affective.
Both.
This. DH was hit with the belt. I was also spanked, but frankly I don't recall it as it wasn't the primary means if discipline.
When I was a kid I never viewed spanking and hitting as the same thing whatsoever. A pat on the butt hardly was the same as if they had smack ed me across the face.
The effect of the spanking was the exact same effect their other means of discipline had on me. I just knew they were WAY more disappointed in me than usual, and that I had majorly crossed the line (because it was used to rarely). It was definitely prevented me from doing it again.
I also was NEVER even remotely afraid of my parents.
We had spanking and yelling. I was spanked once in my life, my siblings moreso.
We try not to spank in this house. I say try, because I have tried using it as a "discipline" strategy (I use discipline loosely in this scenario). I honestly believe that their are much better strategies and that spanking is only an instant solution and does absolutely nothing for a child's learning in the areas of emotional development. Discipline is learning and what can possibly be learned from spanking? Other forms of discipline can be translated into other areas of a child's life/play, whereas spanking cannot.
then you would be the exception to the rule. Can you say your kids will not ever fear you?
https://www.examiner.com/x-41141-Davenport-Attachment-Parenting-Examiner~y2010m4d15-Spanking-the-argument-against-corporal-punishment
Will your kids have similarly complicated rules about hitting other kids? Say if they take your crayon you can take it back, but not hit them. If they push you down then you can hit them, but only once and not in front of a teacher. I'm confused about how rules from your church make hitting your kid different than someone who hits their kids in public or when they are tired.
I really don't see what's wrong with spanking. (I'm fine with spankings, not beatings.) DH and I were both spanked when we misbehaved.
I've heard people say spanking will make a child violent. We weren't/aren't violent kids/people b/c we knew our parents would spank us for being violent. For both of us, our mothers handled discipline and only spanked us a few times. Time-outs only gave us time to think of ways of not getting caught misbehaving. They didn't make us want to misbehave less.
I agree with a pp that spanking should not be the end of the encounter. We will always make sure the child understands why they are being spanked. We will make sure they know we are correcting the behavior, not disapproving of them as a person. We will always hug afterwards. (And no, i don't think that send mixed messages. it didn't with us.)
Also, spanking was the primary mode of discipline in this country for almost 200 years, and, IMHO, no generation was as messed up as the generations that were raised with time-outs.
No disrespect to your pastor, but does he have any expertise in child rearing and development?
Also, maybe it's a good idea to think now how a child (even a tween or teen) can mentally/emotionally understand the transition between spanking as a child to no spanking as a tween/teen. It could be a very hard transition for parents and kids, especially because it's not a very logical transition. Also, if the kids at that age can be disciplined without spankings why not kids at younger ages?
The thing with spanking and other non-learning type disciplinary tactics is that it's incredibly hard to pinpoint how a child will react and what they will really take from spanking. For instance, some kids grow as teenagers/adults with no outside apparent problems, but self-esteem could be ridiculously low. Of course, emotional outcomes are so subjective it really is hard to know what will happen - however, there is evidence to suggest that mental/emotional outcomes could be affected by spankings. With so many other great (and I really do mean great) learning type disciplinary tactics out there, why not try those first?
I'm making a distinction between non-learning discipline (ie. spanking, etc.) and learning discipline (ie. time-outs, redirection, etc) because they are different and it is very clear that kids can transfer the learning type to their everyday play with themselves and their peers. However, with spanking what could possibly be transferred other than obedience to the parents.
Are you serious? You think modern generations of young adults are more messed up than people who owned slaves? More messed up than people who beat and hosed their neighbors during the civil rights movement? Okay there is some sexting and stuff that is not good, but seriously this is not the most messed up American generation by a long shot.
Really? You honestly can't see what objections people have to it? Here's mine: hitting a child is pretty disgusting.
When I say disrespect, I mainly mean verbal attacks.
But then, If we do our jobs of raising her right, we won't have to use spankings often, if at all.
And to us hitting and spanking are different things. Spankings are not meant to be painful. That would be abuse. Spankings are to make a point. To imprint that she shouldn't behave that way.
As far as our church's role, were not another LDS or anything. OUr pastor teaches with love and logic. He did a series on disciplining mainly to counteract the confusion between spankings and abuse.
As I've said before, spanking will not be our primary type of discipline, but it will be an option.
My H & I were both spanked & hit with the belt or spoon, on occasion. Neither of us is violent, nor messed up.
I don't know whether or not I will spank my child. He will definately be disciplined in some form though. I will not have one of those kids that runs around the stores out of control or runs the household and needs to go on supernanny.
WWJD?
So you thinks kids who misbehave do so because they are not sufficiently beaten with household objects??
Jesus would use a paddle.
How did you even come to that conclusion from what I said? I was stating my experience. There are lots of forms of discipline that don't involve beating.
You connected the two experiences in your post. Not me.
Look.
we will spank, BUT THAT WON"T BE THE ONLY METHOD.
It won't even be the primary method. We will use re-direction when she's really little and grounding and privileges when she's older.
And, we would spank whether or not our church spoke on it. Pastor's lessons just helped us lay out some ground rules. Really, they will probably help me keep my head level when she's older and misbehaving.
As for the historical behavior of kids, I didn't mean that having slaves was ok or anything (for one that was a social norm, not a behavioral one.) DH ws a prison gaurd. They told him that they use the rate of noticable behavior problems in 2nd graders to know how big to build future prisons. When spanking stopped becoming the norm, there was a explosion in the prison population.
I wonder if that coincided with the introduction of crack cocaine and the drug epidemic. Read a little and you will find out that incarceration rates have NOTHING to do with spanking. Their are whole bodies of research on the subject.
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice
How so? By having two thoughts in the same post, even though they were separate paragraphs?