Infertility

IVF #1 = Epic Fail :(

I had my beta today and it was negative.  I started spotting yesterday and AF came in full force this morning so, I was not surprised.  Still felt like someone kicked me in the gut.  I just don't understand why this cycle didn't work.  To say I am devastated and crushed does not even begin to describe the anguish I feel.

There was so much at stake this cycle.  After 4.5 years of TTC, 7 miscarriages (including 3 d&c's), tons of meds and tons of testing, my DH and I decided that we would do one cycle of IVF w/ PGD.  Although we ended up transferring one perfect embie, for whatever reason it didn't take.

We are definitely at the end of the road.  I simply can't continue to TTC anymore.  I simply can't handle anymore disappointment; the emotional stress is really taking it's toll on me.  With the call we got today, this chapter of my life is closing.  I don't how I'm going to deal with giving up my dream of becoming a mother; all I know is I can't do this any longer.  I'm so, so sad and my heart feels very heavy :(

I would like to say that I could have never come this far in my IF struggle without the support of the fantastic women on this board.  Although I need to leave this board for my sanity, I want you to know I'll be thinking about all of you and hoping you all make it to SAIF.

You are an amazing and strong group of women.  Thank you for all your support over the last few years.

Marisa

TTC #1 w/ endo since Sept 2005. After many losses, a lap, tons of meds and tons of testing and, one failed IVF cycle, we were blown away with a surprise, sticky BFP...it's a girl!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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Re: IVF #1 = Epic Fail :(

  • I'm so sorry.  Take time to grieve, it's so not fair!
    TTC #1 since 12/07 SA 9/08=borderline normal HSG 1/09 found R tube blocked Multiple IUIs both with oral and injectible drugs from 2/09-2/11 Started domestic adoption process in 5/10, homestudy complete 9/10 Failed adoption after home with baby for 2 weeks 11/10 Blessed through the miracle of private adoption with a son, born 6/6/11 (his grandma's bday) 7lbs 9oz 20.5 inches long! So worth the wait!
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  • Oh no, my heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry and am thinking of you and your DH.
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  • (((HUGS))) I'm so so sorry :( You and your DH are in my T&P
  • I'm so sorry.  (((((((hugs)))))))))
    SAIFW
    PCOS diagnosis~can't remember how many years ago
    Several cycles of Clomid with OBGYn ~BFNs
    11-09 Initial Consult with RE
    12-09 Changed to a different RE
    1-2010 CCT-BFN
    2-2010 Rest Cycle, Waiting for AF..where are yOU?
    3.5.2010 RE found a cyst....Rest another month
    3.12.10 AF
    3.13.10 Cyst still there....on BCP until next month
    4.10.10 Starting Lupron/Gonal-F/Luveris
    April 2010 IVF #1 ~ BFP
    5.5.10 Beta #1~150
    5.7.19 Beta #2~300
    5.19.10 1st u/s 2 sacs~~
    5.25.10 2nd u/s 2 heartbeats~twins
    EDD 1.12.11
    Delivered on 11.28.10 due to HELLP syndrome at 33w 4days
    myblog
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • I'm so sorry, Marisa.  I feel for you.  I'm sorry that this didn't work out for you and hope your heart is able to heal soon.  I hope that you find a path to whatever you feel your life should be. *hugs*
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  • Oh hon, I'm sooo sorry :(  It's just not fair...I was so rooting for you this cycle and am really sad to read this.  Take care and know that we will always be here for you.  ((hugs))
  • I am so sorry too.  It's just not fair!!!!!
    Lovey and I married Oct 2005 He's 34; I'm 33
    TTC since October 2007 DX: MFI
    #1 & #2: Fall 2009 - 2 rounds of Clomid - BFN's
    #3: April 2010: IVF w/ ICSI - BFP but then....blighted ovum, D&C 5/26/10
    #4: 8/27/10 - FET = BFN :(
    #5: FET #2 - 10/28/10, 2 embryos... BFN
    #6: IVF w/ ICSI & AH ER 3/5/2011; 6-day trx 2 blasts 3/11 BFP!!! HB @ 6weeks but it was gone a few days later. D&C 4/8/11
    #7: IVF w/ ICSI & AH ER 8/29/11; 6 day trx 2 blasts, BFP!! (3 totsicles too) HB seen at 7 weeks, but was gone at 8.5 weeks. D&C 10/14/11 HEARTBROKEN!!
    #8 FET - 4/6/12, 1 embryo.....
    **** SAIFW ****
  • :( :::HUGS::::
    My NEW Healthy Living Blog - Check it out :)
    TTC since March 2007 - currently on hold image
  • No! No! No!!!!!!!!! Marisa I'm so sorry honey - I hate this for you. I'm so sorry that you're going through this and I know that there isn't anything that I can say or do to comfort you, but please know that you're in my thoughts and close to my heart. I'm so sorry honey. ((hugs))

    I'm here for you if you need me. 

    ? We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness... ?

    12/99 - Miscarriage at 12w - 6/08 - BFP - Miscarriage at 8w, 9/08 - BFP - Miscarriage at 8w2d, 12/08 - Found out I am a carrier of a Balanced Translocation between Chromosomes 8 & 16, 8/2010 - DE IVF = FAIL. 12/18/10 - Surprise BFP! Awaiting our Sticky Miracle! 12/20 - Beta #1-1208 * 12/27 Beta #2 - 6002 1/3/11 Beta #3 - 17,146. Beautiful little heart beating away! Stick little one, stick!

    ♥ Brielle Skye born August 17th, 2011 ♥ Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Oh Marisa, I am so terribly sorry.  I hope that you will find a way to fulfill your dream of becoming a mother.  I wish I could say something to make this better for you and wish you the best of luck.  

    I hope you know that if you need us, we're here.

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  • I am so sorry to hear this. After reading your post I don't even know what to say. I have no idea why any of us have to endure such pain and it makes me so angry to the pain IF has caused so many. I wish you all the best as you close this chapter of your life and open another. You will be in my T&P!
    Natural BFP on 3/08
    C/P- at 6 weeks
    5 IUI's= BFN
    Dx: Endo stage 1 : evevated FSH (11.3)
    IVF#1: 3dt 2 8 cell, grade 1 embyos :bfn


    *(P)SAIFW*

    ~A lotus springs from mud~ Chinese proverb
    image
  • M., I'm so sorry again. You are such an amazing woman and it makes me so angry that this did not work for you as I know you'd be the mother of all mothers!

    Though I'm going away in a few days as you know, call or email me anytime if you need anything. And let's definitely meet up when I'm back.

    hugs

    j.

    B/G twins!
    image
  • Oh, hon...I'm so sorry! I wish I had words to comfort you...just know that we are all still here for you no matter what. Take the time you need to heal emotionally...and please don't hesitate to come back here to chat with us! I hope that you find a path that will work for you to make you happy. I don't know what that might be, but I just hope you can find your way. 

    Take care,

    Marrisa 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    SAIFW
  • oh no. i am so so sorry sweetie. (((huge hugs))) this is so unfair.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm so, so sorry. Please take care of yourself. (((Hugs)))
    DX: Him: Super sperm Me: Diminished pituitary function due to tumor removed April 2008, MTHFR Hetero C677T & A1298C
    IVF #1-4=BFN IVF #5=BFP! U/S on 5/3 revealed TWINS!

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

  • Im so sorry... I dont want this to be the end of the road for you =(  I hope you find what you are looking for.
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  • I am so sorry, and sending you tons of T&P's and hugs.
  • ((Hugs)) I'm so sorry hun. I know there's nothing I can say to comfort you rt now, just know I'm here if you need to talk...
    TTC# 1 Since 10/2005----Diagnosed with PCOS March of 2006
    multiple failed cycles, multiple IUIs, lap with ovarian drilling 4/2008
    Finally BFP on 11/23/09 beta#1=36 beta#2 =62 beta#3=139
    Liliana was born on March 27,2010 at 21w5d due to infection and pre-term labor
    BFP #2 on 6/20/10 after Gonal-F and TI First u/s showed Twins! 
    TTC#2 since 02/2012 with out RE... 
    Back to RE 08/2016----- Cycle #1 10/2016 Femara 7.5mg=???
    imageimage

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Sweetheart... I am so sorry. I don't know why this has happened, but please know that I will be thinking of you.
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  • Oh sweetie, I am so very very sorry that it has come to this. Sending tons of HUGE ((((HUGS)))) and healing thoughts your way.

    You are a strong, wonderful woman and I wish you peace.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

    imageimage
    TTC Since Dec 2006
    *IVF #1 cancelled at ET*
    *IVF #2 OHSS, transfer cancelled*
    *FET #1 2 frosties, c/p*
    *Lap April 2010, removed endometrioma/endo implants*
    *Surprise BFP June 2010*
    *Beautiful daughter born 2/14/11!!*
    Thoughts from an Overwrought Mind
    SAIFW
  • Sweetie- I'm so sorry, my heart is saddened for you and your husband.  I hope you guys find peace in time with your decision.  I wish you guys nothing but the best, and I hope you do stop by from time to time eventually when you feel you are able to be on this board again.  If not, I understand.

    I agree- the best part is all of the wonderful women on this board and support/friendships forged along the way.

    We will be thinking of you hon.  I know it's a sad decision, but it must feel good to at least know that you can move on. ((hugs)) 

    Surprise BFP after 5 yrs of TTC
  • Oh, Marisa, I'm so sorry. I have been thinking about you all day. :(
    Adopting after multiple rounds of fertility meds and 3 failed IUI's
  • This makes me so sad. ((hugs))
    DX: Unexplained IF/possible PCOS 5/5/2010 Surprise BFP! After 2 miscarriages and many prayers, our angel is here:) Photobucket Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • I am so sorry. ::hugs::
    TTC since April 2008

    Me: PCOS/Amenorrhea DH: Azoospermia due to Y Chromosome Micro Deletion IVF w/ ICSI on hold until further notice

    Hope

  • I am so so sorry. I wish we could all be over on SAIF. This is just not fair. Sending you hugs.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Thank you IVF for our little miracles!!
  • I am so sorry my heart breaks for you Sad.. I hope you find peace soon. Will be thinking of you! ((((hugs))))


     
    Dx: PCOS, Anovulatory, Amenorrhea 2006
    TTC: Sept 2008
    IVF#1 Cancelled due to breast biopsy.05/01/20

    IVF#1.2- 9/2010 - Cancelled Oversurpressed

    IVF#2 Microdose Lupron 10/2010 Beta 11/09=BFN
    IVF#3 2/2011 - 2 blasts(2/25) Beta 03/11 =BFN
    IVF#4 Lupron 01/02 =2 blasts, beta's 1-4 198,234,398,3100!!BFP
    FET 3/2014 2 blasts BETA 3/20=BFP TWINS EDD 11/27 TEAM PINK!!!                   
    image

     


     

  • i'm so sorry. you've endured just so much loss.  sending you lots of ((((HUGS))).  just not fair.
    After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
    image
  • I am so sorry. HUGE HUGS. Please take all the time you need to figure out what your next step is - remember we are here for you if you decide to come back.  You deserve to be a mom and you will be  - one way or another.
    TTC since 8/07 DX - Severe MFI/azoospermia & MTHFR/ TESEs found sperm - 7/08 & 6/09/ 12/08 - IVF#1 - BFN/ 6/09 - IVF #2 - cancelled due to OHSS risk (had retrieval)/ 7/09 - FET #1 - BFN/ 9/09 - FET #2 - BFN/ 11/09 - IVF #3 with new RE cancelled twice - 10/09 & 11/09/ 1/10 - IVF #3 take 3 - BFN/ 4/10 - IVF #4 - first ever BFP on 5/13/10!!! 108 @ 10dp3dt/ 2nd beta 311!/ sono on 5/28/10 said TWINS!!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • So very sorry. 
    TTC with unexplained IF since 8/2007 6 losses, one beautiful perfect boy in our arms Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • I'm so sorry.
    TTC #1 since June 2008 *SAIFW*

    TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs

  • Awww sweetie, my heart is just aching for you.  It is so damn unfair.  We are here to support you where ever your path leads you.
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  • I am so sorry.

    It's a GIRL! Born 12/16/10 Baby 2.0 is on the way! Due in June.
  • I'm so sorry.  I know the absolute despair that IF brings.  I wish there was something I could say to make it better.

    Big hugs.

    dx'd with severe endo and poor egg quality 3 IUIs were all BFN IVF #1 = c/p IVF #2 = BFN IVF #3 = beautiful baby girl born 2/2011; 8/2011 Surprise BFP - natural m/c at 8w; TTC #2 2011-2012; 2 IUIs = BFN; IVF #1 = BFP 9dp5dt beta = 328; 11dp5dt = 650; 13dp5dt = 1114; 18dp5dt = 4747 BabyFetus Ticker
  • I am so sorry sweetie!  YOu are in my thoughts!
    TTC since April 2009 dx = PCOS; TTC History for DS - A FET miracle after 7 IUIs; 2 fresh transfers, and 1 other FET resulted in BFNs. Hoping and Praying for baby #2: Cycle 1 - FET; November 2012 BFN Next Steps - who knows? Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Oh, cutie I am so sorry for you and DH.  I am crying for you, this is so unfair.  I wish I had more than words.  Please know I admire your strength and courage and feel honored to have gotten to know you the last couple of years. 

    (((HUGS)))

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
  • I am so very very sorry.  I wish I could take the pain away for you

    (((hugs)))

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  • I am so sorry sweetie....please take care of yourself. Lots of (((HUGS)))
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  • I am so very sorry. I know there are no words. ((Hugs))
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  • I am so so so sorry that you and your DH are going through this.  I wish you peace in trying to make the decision that is best for you both.  My thoughts and prayers are with you both.  (((BIG HUGE HUGS)))
    image TTC with PCOS since Feb. 07. Currently on a break to save $$ for IUI. Searching for My Mini M&M
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