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Mystery2B
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(Vent) I love my baby but I need some time!
Mystery2B
member
Let me preface this by saying that I don't know how single parents, or people who's spouses are deployed do it. Really, I don't. I honestly don't know what I would do if there wasn't light at the end of the tunnel - but the light is like a month away!
DH used to be very good about giving me some time to go run errands, or just take over caring for C on the days he was off/at night. Sometimes I went and grocery shopped, sometimes I made dinner, sometimes I sat and read - but I had some baby free time every few days.
For for the past couple months or so he has both been working a lot AND studying for a professional exam in all his spare time (like 8 hours at the library on days off, 3 hours after work, etc) and since he's "working" so hard he feels like he needs more time to himself too. I don't think I've run an errand alone or really been baby free for about a month.
Next week he goes out of town for a prep course and to take the exam for 10 days. Now, my mom is coming to "help" but it isn't helpful, in fact she is added stress/planning. And I am just dreading it because I'm already hitting the wall with C - I love her, but I really need some time that I'm not WITH her to better appreciate and enjoy her.
We don't have a babysitter yet and DH isn't comfortable with the idea of leaving her with a "stranger", we don't have any family in town, and I am not comfortable leaving her with my mom alone for more than say 20 minutes at a time (my mom is terminally ill, can't hear C cry from another room, doesn't have the endurance to carry/soothe her, etc). And when my mom is here I have to put extra effort into meals etc than I do alone, plus missing my few regular activities. And I know she thinks that her being here is helping me so much...but having C 24/7 plus my mom might very well break me.
I just don't know how I'm going to make it through the next few weeks. Any suggestions are welcome. Or reassurance that C will be an angel - nap well, sleep through the night, and entertain herself for more than 2 minutes while daddy is gone?
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Re: (Vent) I love my baby but I need some time!
::hugs:: I so feel you. I didn't leave ds at.all until he was a year old (not even with dh) DH is gone all week long between work and school (when he came home from school he would take a nap, then wake up to eat dinner and then ds would be in bed)
I'm sure she will be an angel
If you need a break, don't feel bad to just put her down and let her fuss for a few minutes. Some times it's needed
You are obviously a better mommy than me.
She and I were so sick at first that DH really stepped up and filled in to make it all work, so between having to leave her with the NICU nurses, and DH being so good with her I have no problem leaving C with DH. And he likes spending time with her, but just is currently spending time with BOTH of us, or 5 minutes and handing her back.
I would NOT call me a better mommy than you. I couldn't. He wouldn't take a bottle, only breast so if I were to leave him, it would have been only for 1-2 hours, max. He started eating more at a year and I started him on cows milk and he was taking that fairly well during the day.
And your dh is just being a man. lol. I had to come out and TELL dh that I needed a break (thanks to the effers telling me to, lol). It helped some. I was at least able to take a shower by myself. That was and still is my alone time.
I have no advice but (((Hugs)))).
Have you expressed your concerns with your DH? Is there any possibility (even just feeling overwhelmed in a good way) that he's avoiding home? Just because he has responsibilities and commitments outside the house doesn't give him a free pass to neglect his role at home.
<a href="http://s1103.photobucket.com/albums/g471/HealthfulMama/?action=view
Oh man, I hope she won't have forgotten how to take a bottle. That hadn't occurred to me (DH gives her bottles when I'm gone or at night, but it's been a long while since that last happened).
He knows, but he feels pressed about this test (which is legit). I don't think he knows how much having my mom here PLUS having C all the time is stressing me. Before my mom has been here with someone else (my aunt, my dad, etc) so I could leave C with them for a couple hours, but on her own that isn't going to work.
No, I don't think he's avoiding us. It's costing like $5,000 to take this test (test fees, travel, prep course, etc), and it's only offered 2 times/year so passing on the first try is important plus it's an oral exam which is not his forte. He's happy to be here, he just isn't here/available that much.
i'm sure she didn't forget!! DS had only had them for a week after birth (due to major jaundice and low blood sugars) and then never had them after that. I wish I would have continued offering once a week or so, but I didn't and regretted it! lol.
I would make sure you get a day to yourself before he goes. I know this exam is really important but one day isn't going to make or break him and his being gone for 10 days is a big deal. And while he's gone make sure you get out of the house as much as you can. Do you belong to a mom's group? I know I always found the meet-ups really relaxing and there are often moms with older kids who love to hold little babies so you get a break. And when your DH gets home, start looking for a babysitter! You will feel so much better if you know you have someone trustworthy who can watch her for you while you shop or while you and DH go out and (hopefully) celebrate him passing the test.
{{hugs}} I'm sure she'll be an angel for you as well!
((HUGS))
I feel for you. Its not easy being the only caregiver for your DC. Its been 7 months here...5 more to go! WOOT! See? I have a light at the end of my tunnel too. On bad days I just remind myself that its not really that much longer. I also try to just focus on the good things my kids do. Like when they're cute and sweet. And I also take me time during naps and as soon as they go to bed. If that means the house doesn't get clean, the laundry piles up and I have three days worth of dishes on the counter then so be it. Enjoy your DC during the good times, forget about chores and shopping trips and just do what you need to to survive, especially since its not that much longer for you. And as time goes by, she will get older and she should start sleeping more and allowing you to get more rest.
i am trying to remember what part of town you are in, SE valley? i can help you out sometimes if you want.
i also have a vast network of responsible college girls i've used for babysitting if you want some names.
email me if you want!!
ETA: crap i just realized you're waaaaaay south.
i wish i could be more help to you!!! See if the other nesties near you can help or know of good babysitters!