Anyone hire a doula, and Mom (grandma) is upset?

MarknCalsMommy · April 2010

My mom really wishes we'd let her come/stay in the room when our LOs were born. But DH and I want that to be our moment. With #1 we let her come visit right before, and shortly after his birth. I heard off and on for about 2 years how I swore at DH while she was there. Thanks, I don't need that relieved. Then, with #2, she wanted in so bad, my dad was even calling my midwife to see if she could change my mind. UG. I'm sorry, but NO!

I have had natural births, but far from the peaceful birth experiences I wish I'd have. DH and I decided this time to hire a doula....she visited us last night, and we were really convinced it is what were are looking for.

I told my mom this morning. I think she was upset, and I knew she would be. I tried to spin it all to labor/pain relief for reasoning, but I know she's thinking that we're letting someone else in the room, and not her again.

Dobie_Mama · April 2010

I haven't told my mom that we're hiring a doula yet. I know her feelings are going to be hurt and I haven't figure out the best way to approach the conversation.

monkiem · April 2010

Ah!

I don't want anyone other than nurse, OB and SO in the room with me!

Doula - if we were going that route - would be fine with me.

Not my mum, not my MIL, not my Step-MIL. Arggghhh...

0danielle0 · April 2010

Whether we decide to hire a doula or not, my mom will NOT be in the room. She stresses me out on a normal day. Of course, I haven't mentioned this to her yet. She lives 500 miles away and will get a call after our LO arrives. Stick out tongue

Emiliana7 · April 2010

I'm not into the whole natural birth/no meds/ doula, etc thing... BUT I view hiring a doula the same as hiring your OB. You are choosing certain people to do certain services.

Now, if you mother was a trained doula I could see she might be hurt that you wouldn't want her doing it for you in that manner. But could also see not having her even if she was a doula- she's your mom.

Even though alot of people don't view doulas as "medical" I do see it in that category.

w2smd · April 2010

This kind of stuff kills me.. its YOUR birth experience and it should be what YOU want (or, hope for..) I cannot for the life of me understand why other people feel the need to get in on such a private moment for a new family, unless specifically asked by the new mom/dad. There won't be anyone in the room with me besides DH.. and we're even considering asking our families (who are 8 and 12 hrs away) to give us a week or two to settle before they come visit.

w2smd · April 2010

* i should say, DH and obviously necessary medical staff..

LadyDelilah · April 2010

If my family had it their way I would set up stadium seeting and have a wide screen in the room for a play by play. IMO I think of course your mom is going to be upset but the goal is a good birth experience and a healthy baby, if you were in a hospital there would be one or two nurses and the OB plus you and DH so HOW is that different than a midwife and a doula? you know?

RitaT22 · April 2010

I have yet to tell my mom I don't want her in the room either. I might not say anything and just let my doctor know so when it comes time to push, he kicks everyone but DH out.

MarknCalsMommy · April 2010

DaniLorello:
If my family had it their way I would set up stadium seeting and have a wide screen in the room for a play by play. IMO I think of course your mom is going to be upset but the goal is a good birth experience and a healthy baby, if you were in a hospital there would be one or two nurses and the OB plus you and DH so HOW is that different than a midwife and a doula? you know?

I should clarify...I still have hospital births. Midwife and nurses are usually present, but this time a doula too. I had complications after #1, so I personally could never risk a home birth.

MarknCalsMommy · April 2010

And thank you ladies! I know that a doula is a totally different person in that situation than a mother (except for my friend who's mom is an OB nurse and knows as much or more than a doula). I just wish she could honor the fact that we prefer that as an intimate moment. Instead I think she's going to be dwelling on the fact that this is her last chance to see a grandbaby come into the world (Biggest Bro is done, and Bro #2 is adopting.)

LadyDelilah · April 2010

MarknCalsMommy:

DaniLorello:
If my family had it their way I would set up stadium seeting and have a wide screen in the room for a play by play. IMO I think of course your mom is going to be upset but the goal is a good birth experience and a healthy baby, if you were in a hospital there would be one or two nurses and the OB plus you and DH so HOW is that different than a midwife and a doula? you know?

I should clarify...I still have hospital births. Midwife and nurses are usually present, but this time a doula too. I had complications after #1, so I personally could never risk a home birth.

Oh ok... Well I still see it as some one who is assisting you in the delivery of your child who isnt interefering with the bond between you DH and LO. Not that your mom would be an intereferance but I hope you understand where Im going...

aldyn · April 2010

Ugh. I'd wish grandparents would realize that it's not about them. With grandmas getting baby showers thrown for them, this feeling of entitlement that so many of them seem to have, it's all getting out of hand IMO.

Your Mom needs to respect your wishes.

MarknCalsMommy · April 2010

Yes, of course. Just wanted to clarify that I would be at a hospital. Thank you!

ToshaGirl · April 2010

Your father called your midwife? That's absolutely ridiculous.

We are hiring a doula. My mother lives on the other side of the country and will likely come a couple of weeks afterwards. We are very close, but I don't want/need her in the delivery room.

LinnyAnne10 · April 2010

I have been debating hiring a Doula..

Right now I'm unsure because I don't know if DH will be here or not (he is deploying right around the time the baby is coming)

and I don't know if my mom would get here in time for the birth...

So its more a matter for me, of being scared of bring our child into this world by myself...

I wish I knew for a fact that my mom would be here, or someone i know would be here for me!

ames71 · April 2010

Your pregnancy. Your birth. Your baby. Mom needs to get over it.

nosoup4u · April 2010

That sucks your parents won't listen or understand!

My mom was around when I was laboring with DS, and drove me nuts. She also has the tendency to freak out and then turn her daughter's births into how much it affected her (grrrrr...). Needless to say, I'll ask her to watch DS while I'm in labor. My sister's also pg and is also planning on definitely not having my mom around her...I don't know if she will be hurt or not.

littleanomaly · April 2010

I haven't told my mom that we're getting a doula, but I doubt she'll mind, she'll probably say it's very progressive of us, and how cool that we're doing this thing that people in the middle of nowhere (*cough* southern Illinois *cough*) don't do. This will be after she says "What the heck is a doula?" Our families are 6 hours away from us. I've already talked to my mom and my MIL about our desire to bond with Ryan for at least a day before they all drive over here and bombard us and our house with 6 grandparents. My mom and MIL are totally cool with me not wanting them near the delivery room. There is no reason for them to see my crotch and they both agree with this sentiment.

frozenjoy213 · April 2010

I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive of your decisions. You're making an excellent choice that is right for your family and your mom can go watch a birth video of someone else if she wants to see a baby born. GL!

Want a personalized experience?

Anyone hire a doula, and Mom (grandma) is upset?

Re: Anyone hire a doula, and Mom (grandma) is upset?

2011 Reading Challenge

Choose Another Board

Search Boards