speaking of unpopular opinions....

camisgettinhitched21 · April 2010

I have a cousin who's in her early 30's who has had 3 children. After her last one (who is only 2) she got her tubes tied.

Now she and her husband want another and the only way is to have IVF and they are seriously considering it. They don't mind the costs, risks, or anything else.

I think that's extremely selfish when I see women on here daily who struggle to get pregnant and IVF is their "last resort" bc of IF and not because they made a decision to not have anymore children and are now going back on it.

Anyone else?

Violet_McPurpleson · April 2010

Why does she have to get IVF? I was under the impression that you could un-tie the tubes.

JJ1973 · April 2010

I'm not sure why you see a widely available optional medical procedure as "selfish." Maybe they made a premature decision, but people change their minds. To each their own.

NiceAsstra · April 2010

Well, it's not like another person will not be able to get IVF b/c she did. *shrug*

ZooBaby2010 · April 2010

Violet_McPurpleson:
Why does she have to get IVF? I was under the impression that you could un-tie the tubes.

This. I thought it was reversible? Or did she have damage from the surgery?

bstrangely · April 2010

why is that selfish? it's not like there are only so many ivf procedures to go around.

Mouseygail · April 2010

NiceAsstra:
Well, it's not like another person will not be able to get IVF b/c she did. *shrug*

. This

Chickpea2010 · April 2010

That's why you do the vasectomy...reversible!

MeanMommyLady · April 2010

I don't think it is selfish for people with the means and desire to bring a child into this world to do that in whatever way they need to/want to.

Why do you feel like it's selfish? Do you think that they should pay for someone else to have IVF, someone who doesn't have kids? Would that be better?

I guess I don't understand why it bothers you if they have the means to do the procedure and to take care of another child in addition to the ones they have already what business is it of yours or of anyone else's?

Chrissymarie98 · April 2010

bstrangely:
why is that selfish? it's not like there are only so many ivf procedures to go around.

agreed. It's not like they are taking the opportunity from someone else.

Daisy22 · April 2010

ZooBaby2010:

Violet_McPurpleson:
Why does she have to get IVF? I was under the impression that you could un-tie the tubes.

This. I thought it was reversible? Or did she have damage from the surgery?

From talking to my OB it's not. They actually cut your tubes so the egg never gets down the tube to be fertilized.

And I agree with the pp, it's not like they are taking someone else's spot or anything.

girlintheworld · April 2010

My cousin did the same exact thing actually. She had a few kids, got her tubes tied, then changed her mind, had IVF and then had twins.

It doesn't really bother me because it's not taking away from anyone else's opportunity to have the IVF procedure if needed. If someone has the money for IVF and the means to support more children, I'm cool with that.

cristiana · April 2010

NiceAsstra:
Well, it's not like another person will not be able to get IVF b/c she did. *shrug*

This. I'm not seeing the selfish part of it.

camisgettinhitched21 · April 2010

I don't know why she won't have it reversed. I mentioned that and she was like well IVF would have a better success rate.

And of course it's not my business. I just said what I thought.

And I wanted to know other opinions since I knew mine would be unpopular.

cheex090 · April 2010

bstrangely:
why is that selfish? it's not like there are only so many ivf procedures to go around.

I don't see how it's selfish either... It's not like if she has the procedure done it's going to prevent someone else from being able to? I mean she changed her mind, so what?

smilee · April 2010

It took me several IVFs to get pregnant, and I can't see why this makes her selfish. It is not like her doing an IVF is going to make it not work for someone else.

They just changed their minds.

Gummybear · April 2010

smilee:

It took me several IVFs to get pregnant, and I can't see why this makes her selfish. It is not like her doing an IVF is going to make it not work for someone else.

They just changed their minds.

This exactly. I've seen some very difficult struggles with couples where the male had a vasectomy w/ a previous wife, got remarried and changed his mind.

ZooBaby2010 · April 2010

Daisy22:
ZooBaby2010:

Violet_McPurpleson:
Why does she have to get IVF? I was under the impression that you could un-tie the tubes.

This. I thought it was reversible? Or did she have damage from the surgery?

From talking to my OB it's not. They actually cut your tubes so the egg never gets down the tube to be fertilized.

And I agree with the pp, it's not like they are taking someone else's spot or anything.

Hmmm...I didn't realize. Interesting. Well, I'm with PP. It's their decision. It doesn't take away from anyone else. This post sounds more like someone who is jealous because they have difficulty conceiving. That is a personal internal issue. Not an ethical issue for the friend doing IVF. And besides, she clearly loves having children, so why prevent it?

ames71 · April 2010

How is this selfish? You've never made a decision at one point in your life and changed your mind later? I imagine if they could go back and have a do-over they would; and the fact that they will now go to all the trouble and expense to conceive speaks volumes of their desire to have another child.

melzer14 · April 2010

I don't see why that is selfish? She didn't want to have anymore kids...they made a decision and then changed their minds? Just because she is getting IVF doesn't make her selfish?? She changed her mind, who cares?

If IVF has a better success rate then getting the surgery reversed then that's what I would do too....

sleepyocean · April 2010

I'm with everyone else, I don't understand how her wanting to do IVF is selfish. It's her choice, they have the means, it isn't taking away from anyone else..and what's the difference between her untying her tubes and getting IVF? How does this affect anyone else adversely? I don't see the selfish part. If you just don't think she should have any more kids that's one thing, but saying she is selfish doesn't make sense.

camisgettinhitched21 · April 2010

ZooBaby2010:
Daisy22:
ZooBaby2010:

Violet_McPurpleson:
Why does she have to get IVF? I was under the impression that you could un-tie the tubes.

This. I thought it was reversible? Or did she have damage from the surgery?

From talking to my OB it's not. They actually cut your tubes so the egg never gets down the tube to be fertilized.

And I agree with the pp, it's not like they are taking someone else's spot or anything.

Hmmm...I didn't realize. Interesting. Well, I'm with PP. It's their decision. It doesn't take away from anyone else. This post sounds more like someone who is jealous because they have difficulty conceiving. That is a personal internal issue. Not an ethical issue for the friend doing IVF. And besides, she clearly loves having children, so why prevent it?

Looks like you took the time to read my siggie. I'm thinking it is a personal issue and I'm okay with that. And maybe even okay with calling it jealously which it probably is. You've figured me out!

BarbieNCSU · April 2010

ames17:
How is this selfish? You've never made a decision at one point in your life and changed your mind later? I imagine if they could go back and have a do-over they would; and the fact that they will now go to all the trouble and expense to conceive speaks volumes of their desire to have another child.

Exactly if they have that much of a desire to go through IVF for another baby good for them. Definitely not selfish.

pesci12 · April 2010

I don't think it's selfish, but I can see where you're coming from. When I was first struggling with IF, it would make me upset to see mothers of already one or two children comparing themselves to me (with no children). At the time I would think in my head, 'you should be grateful you have one child, let it go.' Horrible, I know.

wife1014 · April 2010

I am not getting why this bothers you?

yodasmistress · April 2010

What's even more irritating is when those women want to come "hang out" on the IF board like they're one of us. Um, voluntarily sterilizing yourself does not equate to infertility. Confused

bstrangely · April 2010

yodasmistress:
What's even more irritating is when those women want to come "hang out" on the IF board like they're one of us. Um, voluntarily sterilizing yourself does not equate to infertility.

uh, yes it does. they're infertile now, aren't they?

i know it must really, really suck to struggle conceiving, but i also can't help but notice that this issue comes up a lot. why not be happy that many people are around to discuss their experiences, instead of resentful about why they are there?

ZooBaby2010 · April 2010

camisgettinhitched21:
Looks like you took the time to read my siggie. I'm thinking it is a personal issue and I'm okay with that. And maybe even okay with calling it jealously which it probably is. You've figured me out!

I can't always see the signatures on the computer I'm on - security blocks them. I apologize if there was something I should be looking at that I can't see. My comment wasn't meant sarcastically at all. It was just a statement. That said, the OP rang with jealousy to me. As in - they can do it, they choose not to, I'm mad that they can change their mind when I can't do it. No judgment in that though.

I have a family member who was unable to succeed with IVF and it is tragic and painful for her. As someone who as m/c, I do understand how wrenching it is to lose a child. But that doesn't make me frustrated with the people who are successful.

driveshorses · April 2010

How is it extremely selfish?

Why not reverse it also? I know it's possible, because if it wasn't, I wouldn't be here!!

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