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Success after IF
GreenEyedGal
member
Something I need to get off my chest.
GreenEyedGal
member
I've been meaning to tye this for a while now but have been hesistant because I feel like it's silly, or I need to get over it, or whatever. But here it goes...
Basically, while we were TTC, I felt completely comfortable over at TTTC. We were trying for a year naturally before we tried Clomid and at the time, the TTTC ladies (who most are here) were so awesome, supportive and lovely...just like you guys.
Now that we concieved, I obviously moved over here and ever since then, I haven't felt "welcomed". Now this next phrase is going to sound so highschool-ish and plain stupid but I feel like you guys think I don't belong here simply because we were succesful on our first cycle of Clomid, Ovidrel shot and TI. No IUI, no IVF. And because of that, I truly feel like most of you read my siggy and think "What is she doing on this board?". But although we were successful very early on, I do have PCOS and like you, have had to get a HSG test and husband a SA. I don't ovulate on my own and used to be on Metformin and Dexamethasone for 2 years before getting pregnant.
Am I being totally stupid or do you guys think this? Honestly. Because I can stop posting on this board altogether.
Like I said, I realize this sounds very silly given the fact that this is a message board (and not to mention, a free country) but you ladies are so incredibly lovely and I actually respect your opinion on this.
So there, I finally got this off my chest. Thank you for even getting this far. Now off to crawl in a hole and get the courage to come back in a few hours to read the responses.
TTC#1=Feb 2009: 50 mg Clomid+Ovidrel shot+Metformin+Dexamethasone+TI=BFP!
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Something I need to get off my chest.
of course you're welcome here!
infertility is infertility- and it sucks!
look at the birds | bless this food
Infertility is infertility plain and simple.
I don't care how people get pregnant, I just think people (the general people)need to be sensitive when talking about their struggles, talking about trying for more children, and talking about emotions related to IF as there are women on this board that did minimal treatment and women on the board who did the most invasive/ last resort treatments on the IF spectrum.
I also think it is normal to be a bit jealous of women that got pregnant via treatment less invasive that what you went through to get pregnant ? I don?t think it is anything personal at all. I think it just comes with the territory of having varying IF treatments.
honestly, I rarely read the siggie info of posters. I look at pictures and tickers
WRT responses, I tend to respond more frequently to posters that I know, and having been around for a while - and having gone through LOTS of treatment - I developed closer relationships with ladies that had similar histories. But that is in no way due to my thinking "oh she doesn't count because she didn't do IVF" - it's just that I got to know IVF vets better, know what I mean?
I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I promise just hanging around here will allow others to get to know you better, and get more replies etc.
HTH!
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
I'm curious what makes you feel this way?
Did something happen or did someone say something?
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
What makes you feel this way?
Infertility sucks no matter what. I feel guilty sometimes because I got pregnant on my first IVF, both times!
I think you are a very recognizable poster and I hope no one made you feel this way.
This exactly. To be totally honest, I don't really read siggies -- I just look at the tickers, "bump badges" and pictures. I personally don't see IF as a contest or really even a continuum. Every person has their own unique experience. I think what we all share is that overwhelming desire to have a baby mixed with the frustration (and sometimes devastation) of being unable to do so without help. You certainly fit that category. I know this sounds weird, but I feel like I "know" you as a poster (I recognize your name and siggy when you post), but I can say with 100% certainty that I had no idea what treatment you went through and have never judged you for it. I really hope that this post is not coming from something that someone said to make you feel unwelcome -- I hope you continue to post and start to feel like you are a part of this board (as I feel you are).
Inferility sucks no matter what. It's not about how you get pg that makes you belong here; it's about the road you took to get here. We've all been through very different journies but ultimately the emotional experience is very similar.
I don't know what happened to make you feel this way, because I would never think of you as an outsider at all. In fact, I didn't even know your ttc history until I read this post.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) Our first love and loss 7/2/07
3 cycles clomid TI = BFNs
3 cycles clomid Ovidrel IUI = BFNs
6/27/08 Surprise BFP = chemical pg
IVF#1 July 08 BFP @7dp3dt
TTC #3 since February 2010
FET Sept. and Oct. 2010=BFN's
IVF#2 June 2011=BFP
I'm sorry that you feel this way. I know that you are not the first, and, sadly, nor will you be the last.
I know that I was very hesitant to post over here when I got my BFP. I was scared and this board did not feel comfortable to me. But, as I got more comfortable with the idea of being pregnant and actually being pregnant, I settled in and felt more comfortable. Honestly, it was not so much about the board as much as where I was mentally.
But, it is important, IMO, to keep in mind that this board is different. Many of the same people have been on IF and moved over here (and lots lurk between boards), but, they are separate boards. The transition can be challenging, it was for me. . . but it was so much more about my journey and less about anyone over here.
Sure, the girls on IF (T-TTC at the time) knew me better, but as I posted and got to know the ladies here and they got to know me, it felt more and more like my "home" board. It took time, but building relationships and connections does.
Again, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I hope that you are able to find the connection and comfort that you are looking for.
as far as i'm concerned you're totally welcome. speaking as someone new to this board myself, i think that it's a little harder to feel welcomed on this board than it was on TTTC simply because it's a less active board (what with people being really busy with their babies) and it takes a little while for people to get to know you. i confess that SAIF doesn't totally feel like home to me yet, but i've only been here two months, and i have faith that it will feel like home in time.
anyway, point being, in my eyes you're totally welcome!
I honestly had no idea how you got pregnant. Like a couple pp I don't really pay much attention to the info in poster's siggies, so unless someone was on TTTC the same time period I was, I don't usually know your "journey." Maybe that's lazy of me, but I have limited time these days.
ETA: I'm also curious why you feel this way.
Of course you are welcome here! I got pg with my first baby on IUI#3 and my current pregnancy happened, surprisingly, without treatment. Sometimes I feel guilty that it was easier for me compared to the women who had to go through multiple IVF cycles. But I've never had anyone imply that I don't belong here and I would be very surprised if anyone had implied that to you!
Do you have IF? Yes. Did you successfully get pregnant? Yes! So this is where you belong!
Interesting perspective.
I think you are "one of us" and totally belong here. Honestly, I've never even read your siggy....but (flame away) I get what you are saying. There are people (in the past, generally probably they were more like drive by's than really "members") who I have had those thoughts about, sorry if that pi$$es anyone off. BUT....(as ridiculous as it sounds to try to justify a statement like that, I am going to) I don't think they really had fertility issues. I think they weren't as successful as quickly as they wanted to be and they had irresponsible doctors that moved them along to treatments. You do have fertility issues and had success after them, even if you were able to be successful shortly after finding the "right combination"
So, go get your SAIF badge on and don't forget to send in your membership dues ; )
Hey, I took Clomid to get pregnant with Reed. Then I got a surprise BFP for Penny! I have PCOS too. I am just saying this because you are not the only one who didn't have to go through IUI or IVF to get your little one.
I know how you feel about not measuring up in some people's eyes. Lots of people have posted "I'm sorry...you took clomid you do NOT know of my struggles!!!" on here and on TTTC (now IF). But I just let it roll off of my back...sometimes people are having a bad day and yeah, I don't know what it is like to stick myself with a needle, but I do know what it is like to get negative pregnancy tests month after month...and have a doctor tell you that you will not conceive without medication. I went through the same feelings of "Will I ever be a Mom?". and that is what matters. You are here. You are a Success after IF and you are welcome here, just like me!
I kind of think that all of our ranges of stories give the people on TTTC hope.
Don't go away!
Sorry you are feeling this way. I definitely recognize your name, and honestly don't really read histories that much anymore, so I was unaware of your exact journey until reading this post. I think you belong here as much as anyone....you are a SAIF!
No matter the journey we took to get here, we all have IF in common, and have a bond that other pg women/moms don't.
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
"What is she doing on this board?".
That thought has honestly never, ever, crossed my mind.
Of course you're welcome here.
And truthfully, I can relate. For a long time I didn't feel particularly welcome... here or IF/TTTC... I had 2 children before I came to either of the boards! And I never actually had trouble getting pregnant (it was the staying pregnant that was my issue, along with the genetic stuff).
But, eventually I just got over it
I'm not one to care much what others think 
I just did my best not to offend anyone and put my 2 cents wherever I felt like it was relevant..
It's like high school... you just have to jump in and act like you fit in
And then you just do!
Hannah
I agree with everything Jill said, especially the two highlighted parts. You had to have help to get PG, thus by definition, you belong. Heck, there are plenty of ladies here who didn't have assistance on the cycle they got PG, but they belong, too, because of what it took to get them there. Quit worrying!
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I didn't even realize how you conceived (I guess I, too, am lazy about reading dx in people's signatures), but honestly I'll echo what pps have said - infertility is infertility. You have gone through the same invasive tests. You have the same worries that others on this board have about having a second child (if you want one). You've dealt with the blows of bad news and lots of BFNs.
I hope you stay.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't recall reading your siggy and thinking anything like what you mentioned (no that I really ever do). If you did not use clomid you likely would not be going into mommyhood right now! You are so welcome here! I hope you start feeling that way! (((hugs)))
I actually belong on the SAL or PAL. I have been pregnant 5 out of 7 cycles. I was "just Clomid" and this time had to move onto Femara. I have felt that way in the past but I know more about IF than some doctors!
I also had an HSG, blocked tube and a hysteroscopy so I can add to those conversations. I'm sorry you felt that way!!! Any struggle is hard!!!!
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
You are totally welcome here. I am sorry you feel this way!
YGPM too!
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
For what it's worth I never read anyone's siggy.
So you're totally welcome here! I'm not on as much as I used to be, so take my opinion for what it's worth. I got pregnant after a failed IVF on only routine Metformin. So sometimes I used to feel like you do, but I would shake it off and say "Who cares what someone else thinks is or isn't worthy of being here...I feel like I'm worthy!" My hell might not have lasted as long as someone else's, but that doesn't make it any less real.
Congrats on your pregnancy, honey! Welcome to SAIF!
I hope a lot of people don't feel this way!! I'd hate to think that people feel segmented into "degrees of infertility" and "levels of treatment". Infertility is infertility. Some have had a longer journey to parenthood and for some, it was shorter. But, we all have experiences to share with one another!
I'm sorry you feel that way but honestly? I think you're imagining it. I totally recognize your screen name, totally consider you part of this board and had no idea (until you mentioned it) how you conceived. I figured you had trouble, you found success, now you're here, and how that happened isn't really a concern to me. There are plenty of women on this board who (a) I have no idea how they conceived or (b) I know conceived on hail mary/break cycles. They don't belong here any less than those who did 5 IVFs.
Oh man, now I feel even more dumb for thinking what I was thinking and kind of regret even posting this now. Nothing in particular made me feel this way. I guess it MAY BE because I don't get many responses to my posts as other girls do? Obviously, I am wrong because I logged on after just a few hours of posting this and I have over 30 comments of you guys saying that I am basically crazy and very welcomed here!
Thank you guys for saying that. I have such a huge attachment to this board and was breathing a huge sigh of relief as I was reading the responses. (I swear I held my breath while skimming through the first few comments.)
Ugh, please disregard this post and pretend it never happened. I feel stupid as hell now and just overall embarrased for thinking what I was thinking. I do read siggys, btw, especially after reading their new BFP post.
You.Girls.Are.Awesome.
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
Honestly? I very rarely read the dx in peoples' siggies anymore. And I "know" you (ie, I recognize your screen name every time) and it has never occurred to me that you were 100% SAIF. Really. Like it or not, you are one of us! :P
It's funny - I am so not a self-conscious person. I genuinely don't need to be liked by everyone. but a little while back I had a crisis of confidence and decided that everyone here hated me and thought I hated my baby. Totally unlike me and totally untrue, I imagine. So don't feel bad about letting message board paranoia get to you. It happens to all of us at one point or another.
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
lol. aint' dat the trufe?!
When I joined this board I got Ava from a quickie on my birthday. I've ALWAYS felt like "how come she gets to be a member of this club?" by no one's fault but my own. Then I started my journey to hell and back trying to have more kids, and now I feel deep in the trenches of "I'll never have SAIF again." But we're all friends, and help eachother out, and you're more than welcome to play along. FWIW, I never assign points to people's struggles either. I think there was a point a lonnnnnng while back where I personally felt there WAS a point system, but I have not felt that way in a long time. But I can get how you feel how you do, and I think it's cool you at least said something.
Lol @ quickie on your birthday. Thanks for understanding where I am coming from and acknowledging the fact that I said something. Like I said though, it has taken me a LONG time to finally let it out but better late than never, right?
I'm just glad you girls didn't choose to chase me out of here with torches.
...then again, you all have hearts that are bigger than the globe itself so as I mentioned before, I feel stupid for even thinking this!
TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
nah, no stupid talk .I think it's good you said something. It was a helluva lot less whiny than *I* would have put it, lol, and we all need reminders once in a while to include everyone, not just the regular AW's (ahhhchooIknowItalkalot)
LOOK EVERYONE! QUICK! someone over there is complaining us "vets" don't answer enough early pregnancy questions. lol.
(there, Greens, that'll take the heat of cha!)