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3rd Trimester
anvloveskme
member
Cheap baby shower gift (flame if you wanna)
anvloveskme
member
So, how much would you spend on a family member for a baby shower gift? I know this depends on a ton of things, but like with wedding gifts, I feel like there is at least a general rule of thumb. Anyway, I am probably just being bitchy and mean. My sister-in-law couldn't come to my shower (which is not a big deal, she had a weekend retreat planned) so she gave me my shower gift early this weekend. She literally spent $18.95 on my gift. I don't know why I am so bothered by it other than the fact that I am finally getting to that uncomfortable bitchy stage and the fact that we bought them sooooo many baby clothes for their LO while she was prego and after she was born! I know I am being ungrateful...flame away!
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Re: Cheap baby shower gift (flame if you wanna)
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
Wow, just be happy you got a gift. Nothing is required of anyone and you should be grateful of anything.
This. At least she got you a gift. Quit your b!tchin.
This. For me it depends. I've spent as little as $20 before when money was really tight. I just bought a bunch of little stuff and packaged it nicely. It's the thought that counts right? She didn't have to send you a gift at all.
I think it's good that you posted. You need a reality check! No one is obligated to buy you a gift and to expect one comparable to one that you gave them is just selfish.
I won't flame you. I don't even want to mention what my MIL did. The short of it: I thought, now how am I supposed to protect and raise my child with that??
I know it's the thought that counts. I say that all the time when I go into the nursery.
Could she be waiting until the baby comes?
Yeah, b!tching about gifts isn't very nice. But that's how much my coworkers who barely know me spent, so I know what you mean. On the other hand some people I don't know well spent a fortune!
On the bright side, she got you something.
I sort of felt this way too about a couple people. People I bought a ton of stuff for. Then I tried to remember that times are a lot tougher now and I really did get a ton of stuff at my shower. No flaming here. Just thought I would share what helped me get over it.
This exactly! And there is nothing requiring them to purchase you a gift - some people don't send any gifts at all if they don't come. I know when I go to purchase a baby shower gift next month, it won't be fancy or expensive since my financial situation is very tight. It will be thoughtful and bought with the person receiving the gift in mind.
Maybe she's in a different financial situation.
That said...
Be happy you got a shower.
Be happy you even got a gift.
Especially if she is financially struggling.
For most people, family included, I spend $25.00 per gift. I do have a lot of friends and family that I like to buy things for. There are some exceptions to this rule but generally no more than $25.00.
I don't think it is unreasonable for your sister to spend that amount of money on a gift for you. She could be like me and have a ton of gifts to buy or she could be tight with money right. IMO, if you don't go to a shower, you don't have to buy a gift, so it was nice of her to buy you something.
So...this is your husband's brother's wife? If anything, be upset at the BIL if they don't get you a "good" gift, at least he's a direct relation to one of you! (I still think it's wrong to expect a gift, but if you're going to be upset, at least put it on the closer relative.)
How do you know they're financially stable? Teachers make jack for money right now, and alot are having furlough days or just plain old pay taken away b/c the schools' budgets can't handle it.
Uh, teachers don't exactly make loads of money. Perhaps they are financially stable, but that doesn't mean they can justify spending a ton of money on a gift for you.
You're probably annoyed by it because you're a brat.
I didn't think teachers made very much... but I could be wrong!
I spend whatever I can afford when it comes to giving shower gifts. I certainly don't spend with the thought or expectations that they need to spend the exact same amount on me when it's my turn.
Like many ladies have said, be thankful you had a shower and got a gift. A lot women don't get anything.
Ok, if you were saying this about a friend or co-worker then I would agree - bitchy. However, since there is a pattern/relationship of you purchasing gift for her child then I feel differently.
It was not the price of the item, but that your feelings were hurt. Her/her kid means more to you AND you thought/hoped that you/your kid meant more to her. I get that. Most people spend money and/or time on the things/people they love. So when she could not come and sent a cheaper gift (which I am guess is nothing special - no really extra thought) then your feeling got hurt.
(((HUGS)))
im not one to flame because I actually understand where your coming from. Your not ungrateful but you feel like there wasnt a thought into it... is this where your coming from?? Im usually the type that its not about the cost, its really about the thought... If you are just buying me a gift because you feel like you have to then why bother.
Now that being said.... hopefully their was thought and at least you got something. My SIL and BIL didnt come to our baby shower (which they were on the invite as hosting) and never sent a gift either... Never even said a word. I think DH was pretty upset because for them we threw their entire shower and bought a very nice gift !
At my work shower with my first dd, a girl gave me a bunch of small items that I could tell were from a dollar store. I was a little put off by it (partly b/c I didn't really like the girl) but looking back (with time and maturity on my side now), it really is the thought that counts. She was a single mother who didn't make a lot of money and she chose to spend part of that money on me.
Some people have a set amount that they spend and are really good with sticking to a budget. Not sure how you know the price but maybe it was on sale?
Maybe they carry debt or have other expenses you are not aware of. You just never know.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
I dont see a problem with someone only spending $20. Any gift is appreciated (sp) no matter the amount that was spent.
As for how much I typically spend, I have no idea. As soon as I find out someone is pregnant I start buying a few things a week. So I end up spending more on them and they get things that are needed as well as things they wanted.
Be glad she got you a gift.
My mom didn't get my anything but a few weeks after the shower she called me up and told me that she's waiting until the baby gets here and wants to get him a christening gown. I hadn't even thought about it before then, was just glad she came.
Everyone's finances are different and you can't expect a person to return as you were given. I spend $50 or more on family and friends but I do not expect them to do the same. I'm happy with what ever they give, even if it's their smiles and hugs.
Yup. And I'm not sure where you live, but teacher's salaries do not equal "very financially stable" where I am.
I'm glad you realize it's bitchy though- I get irrationally annoyed at things sometimes too. Knowing that it's an abnormal reaction to something makes me less inclined to flame you or say "at least she got you something and you should be grateful", because I think you know that.
Teachers don't make a lot of money and I know, at least in my state, CA, you are lucky if you have a job. Their financial situation is probably tighter than you think. They are probably thinking the what ifs and saving, so they don't lose their home, if one of them loses their job.
Unless you know their finances inside and out (and how would you?) this is irrelevant. You have no idea what they do with their money.
DH has a small close knit family, we all live within 45 min of each other...so we know eachother's business. Like I said, I know I am being bitchy, but just can't shake the annoyed feeling. She didn't do anything wrong...it is definitely on me!
maybe your expectation of getting more because you bought her lots is biting you in the bum? You made your choice for whatever reasons you felt was right for you; she is making hers for whatever reasons she thinks is right for her.
I wouldn't let the value of the gift ruin the act of giving. So she cheaped out on you (for your standards). In my world, $20 is plenty to spend on a gift. Why put energy into it - especially since you still have a ways to go in your pregnancy. Maybe just let it go.
Just because you think they are financially stable doesn't mean that they are. Having a job and owning a house means nothing. There are a lot of people who live way outside their means and are good at keeping up with appearances.
I don't really have a set price that I think is acceptable when purchasing gifts. For me that is putting a price on family and friendship. Your SIL took the the time to go to the store and pick out somethings that she thought you may like, want or need. If the gifts you gave your SIL were truly from the heart and given in a loving spirit then it wouldn't matter to you how much she spent on you in return. In fact the thought wouldn't even have crossed your mind.
That made me lol
So owning a home and both of them working make them financially stable? I wouldn't assume to know their financial situation unless they tell you personally. That being said-do you think she bought you a gift just so you could b!tch about it and be ungrateful? She would probably be hurt if she heard your OP. You don't KNOW their situation and be happy you got anything at all
Wow, if I was your SIL and learned that you complained about what I spent on your gift I would never buy you anything again. Teachers that I know make between 30-40k a year so that means your ILs make somewhere between 60-80k combined. Plus they have a mortgage and bills every month that tend to be more expensive than renting. Is it really so hard to appreciate that they care and that they gave you a gift?
And by the way, there is not a rule of thumb for gift giving with weddings either. People give what they can.