A very sad hello

H4'sFan · March 2010

I went to my 12 week appointment on St. Patrick's Day. We were not able to find the heartbeat via the Doppler, so my OB suggested a quick trans vag ultrasound.

I had already had one performed at eight weeks, and we had recorded a heartbeat of 154. So, I was beyond devastated to learn that my baby's heart had stopped beating somewhere between 8-12 weeks.

I had a D&C 3/19, and have been an emotional wreck ever since. I am very good at hiding it, and I am of course so grateful for my daughter, and am totally devoted to her care.

I guess I just need a place where I can come, like this board, to express my feelings without judgment. I went for my surgery follow up appointment today, and my OB recommended trying a low dose antidepressant. I have not made up my mind whether I will be doing so as I feel my emotions are not out of line with what I have experienced. We are also waiting on chromosomal testing results, and I somehow feel if they can give me some answers I might be able to move on. I am trying to prepare myself for the possibility that I may never have a concrete answer though.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I am so sorry for all of your losses.

bgarson · March 2010

I am so sorry you have to join us, but welcome! I just lost my baby at 22 weeks on March 18. I have found this board to be so helpful. It has been helpful to read and respond to other women who understand what I am going through.I hope you find it at helpful as I have.

boulderbabe · March 2010

I am so so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

H4'sFan · March 2010

Thank you.

auburn76chic · March 2010

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my baby too at 12 weeks. I have also found support from this board.

Lissa832 · March 2010

After my first m/c, my OB tried to push antidepressants on me as well. I probably could have benefitted from them, but I didn't want them. You are only a couple of weeks out from your loss. Unless you are sure that you need them or have a history of depression, I think it would be worth waiting a couple more weeks. If you don't feel an improvement, then it will definitely be worthwhile to explore your options. I think the medical community are so quick to prescribe AD because many aren't compassionate enough when it comes to this type of loss. My OB said to me, "Why are you so upset? It wasn't even a baby yet." That is the attitude that many doctors have, and that is why they are so quick to grab their prescription pad.

Do what you think is best. Keep an open mind, and ask the people close to you to give you their honest opinions. This board is a great source of support, and it has gotten many women through their losses. I'm sorry that you have to be here.

Stretchad · March 2010

To the OP, welcome. I just lost mine last week and still trying to figure out how to cope

And to the poster who's doc said this:

Lissa832:
My OB said to me, "Why are you so upset? It wasn't even a baby yet."

OMG I can't believe that they're an OB at all. I'd be looking for a new one if mine said that to me. Sheesh.

iammad · March 2010

I'm so sorry - T&P. ((HUGS))

rock-elle · April 2010

I am so sorry for your loss, I m/c at 12w1d. Its tough to get so close to the end of your 1st tri and think you are mostly out of the woods. Many T&P for you and dh.