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2nd Trimester
How do you feel about LO?
I am wondering how first time mom's are feeling about LO? I know I will fall madly in love with him/her at birth, but right not, I'm just not madly in love with him/her. I think it's that it still doesn't feel like a person inside me, so it's hard to think about them like my child. Even though I feel him/her moving about in there. I read other posts about "love at first sight" (meaning u/s pic), and I just don't get that warm feeling yet. Anyone else???
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Re: How do you feel about LO?
I was just talking with DH about this last night. I said "Shouldn't I be excited about this? I'm just not very excited." He summed it up to feeling lousy the first trimester.
I'm sure things will be different when I eventually feel movement and at the birth.
I have mixed emotions I guess. If something were to happen to LO right now, I feel like I would be just as sad as if something happened after she was born. On the other hand, at this point in time i'm more excited about my vacation coming up than I am about her birth.
Not sure how this works because the two examples are so different, but that's how I feel!
I was totally the same way. I just got back from my vacation! Vacation was way more important/exciting then LO
IDK... I'm not a first time mom, but I can say I *thought I was crazy in love with my baby before I had him... but NOTHING compares to that in love high I got from seeing him for the first time and holding him.
The awesome thing about that feeling? Even when he is driving me crazy, it never fades. It is still just as strong today as it was the day of his birth, if not even more so.
Just my 2 cents :-)
PS OP
I LOVE Isabell
for a girl!
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This!! I'm so excited that that there is a little tiny baby inside me that is all mine (and DH's). Every day I get more excited and I just love LO!! Pregnancy on the other hand has its ups and downs but LO is the best gift in the whole universe!
This for me too. Every time LO kicks I just get this huge smile on my face, thinking that's MY son. Little things like that make me so happy, I can't imagine how it will be once I am able to hold him & kiss him. lol
DS2 8/21/12
DD 9/26/14
Baby #4 edd 2/11/19
I know tons of women who told me they didn't feel that love, bond, or connection until closer to their edd, or after the baby was here. So I know it's totally normal.
I on the other hand love this little boy more than anything, and I would do anything for him already. Ever since I saw him for the first time, and heard his heartbeat I've been madly in love. I know it's cheesy, but it's true. I def feel like I'm bonding with him already. As much as you can atleast lol.
This. I've done a lot of reading (not first hand as this is my first) that says many women don't have a "love at first site" moment even when their baby is born. It takes time sometimes.
I have good days and bad days. I've definitely had moments of overwhelming love, and moments where I just feel like an alien has taken over my body. I don't feel guilty about it because I know ultimately I will love this baby an insane amount. I also know if something were to happen at this point I would be devastated regardless of anything else.
I wish I could help you fall in love with your baby because I'm SO in love. In fact, I kinda thought that was how everyone felt. So you opened my eyes a bit that it may take the actual birth til one might connect. I'm sure then your feelings will take over and that love will appear. Remember, our hormones are going and there's a lot of fears associated with becoming a mom that might be hindering your excitement. I'm having those too.
Talking to your baby or reading to him/her might help you too. Especially because your baby can recognize your voice and vibrations now. It also helps you bond and make it more "real." Just suggestions.
Bottomline, do what's best for you. I truly believe your feelings will follow. If you believe in God, maybe you could ask Him to help you feel that love that you think you should be feeling for your baby.
Take care,
Lauren
I'm super excited to meet her, and I do have some maternal feelings toward her, but I certainly wouldn't say that I'm in love with her yet. We got some 3D u/s pics a few weeks ago, and my heart melted a little seeing her hand and face.... but I don't think it's anything compared to what I'll feel when she's here.
Just remember that some moms don't bond with the baby right away, even after LO is born, and that is perfectly normal. Don't beat yourself up if it takes a few days or weeks to fall madly in love with him/her.
While I'm very excited for my daughter to have a little brother or sister, I haven't yet connected with LO yet. That will come once I can actually see the baby moving and hiccupping. That was probably my favorite part of my pregnancy with my daughter - watching my belly move! That's when it will hit me that I do have a baby in there.
But for right now, I'm not into the ultrasounds and I really don't even care if I have another girl or if I have a boy. It's okay though, because I know the bonding will happen.
I guess I'm kind of the opposite of you. Right now I love my daughter tremendously, feel an amazing bond with her, and feel like I "know" her so well.
So my fear is that it is all in my head, that I have imagined a bond with a person that doesn't really exist and that when she gets here, I won't know her after all.
Lauraken,
I am a first time mom to Finley, 3 months old. I never had that "warm and fuzzy" feeling while pregnant. Everyone said, "Oh, that will change as soon as you see the little one!" However, it didn't. I ended up having and emergency c-section with him (don't worry, it wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be, and we are both healthy because of it!). I didn't have any part of him being born, and I didn't feel like he was really mine. I had a terrible time in the hospital, breastfeeding and such. I laid on my bed and cried for four days thinking I was the worst person on the planet because I couldn't even love my own baby!
I know this all sounds awful, but I promise it has a good ending...
Struggling with all of this made me feel like a monster. What kind of terrible person doesn't even fall madly in love with their newborn. Actually, a lot of people! Completly normal, happy, loving parents feel nothing for their new babies. The more moms I talked to, the more admitted to me that they felt the same way. They just didn't say anything because that isn't "the way you are supposed to feel". Think about it; you love your husband, you have known him for years. You love your friends, you may have known them a lifetime. You love your parents, been there your whole life...now you are supposed to love this little lump that cries, eats and poops, that you have only known for 24 hours! Give yourself a break. Let your love grow at its own pace. You WILL fall in love with him/her. People I talked to had unique timelines for this. It took one friend nearly 7 months to feel that. She was a great mom, just took awhile to get to know her daughter. I am still working on this with Finley, but it gets stronger every day! If you are one of those people who have that, "love at first sight," LUCKY YOU! Cherish it! If you are not (secretly one of the normal people), just give it time. I PROMISE it will get better and that love will grow!
If it gets rough, I recommend Brooke Shields' book, Down Came the Rain. She really knows what it is like. I hope this helps, and doesn't scare you!
Annie
i am so glad to be reading about this!! i was feeling bad that im not SUPER EXCITED like everyone in the world thinks i should be. im glad he/she is coming and do everything i can to ensure the safety but i feel like its a dream and not really happening
I hate to admit this but I never got excited about DS. I also thought I would cry when he was born and be the happiest person in the world. I didn't cry, and while I fell in love with him right away of course, it wasn't nearly as strong or happy as I thought it would be. I got really horrible post partum depression and it was the worst thing in the world. I hate to admit this even more but for the first few months I wouldn't even hold him unless someone handed him to me and "made" me.
I know that probably sounds horrible to you, and I'm not saying that to scare you or worry you. The sad reality is that thousands of moms feel that way and it would have made it a little easier on me to know I wasn't the only one who felt those awful feelings.
Exactly! Almost every mother I talked to said they felt disconnected at some point. I was shocked at who some of them were, even the ones that had tried to get pregnant for years. The more people you talk to, the better you feel.
I can relate. I was SUPER excited when I found out I was pregnant and to tell everyone about it. Then I went through a little slump - but I really think it's first trimester worries and negative thoughts that every single book out there makes you think and reminds you of what to worry about. I haven't felt my little one yet and it's my first so I can't wait. For some reason today though since my belly finally has a little bump, I seemed to be more excited. Just give it time girl - it will happen. Everyone just goes through the experience differently! Keep your head up!!
Kristin