Moms of 2 year olds...

MLvK · April 2010

How long before a 2 year old "gets it". I had a horrendous day yesterday with Evie and the thing is no matter how much time out or how much I yelled, I don't think she gets it.

She kept leaving my side. We were at East Cobb Park and she was playing the field with her ball and her friend. But she kept running far to the other end, then to the playground. I felt helpless chasing her, I could not catch her, and when I did, she was start running the other way. Eventually we had to leave because neither of the girls would stay with us.

Then we came home and played outside with our neighbors. Now the 5 yo girl we were outside with was not helping because she never listens, but she knows better. She kept running home to her house and Evie would follow. As long as I can see her, great, but then she fell in Amelia's drive way and scraped her knee. Then followed Amelia into her back yard. We back up to woods, so at that point, I had to drag her home kicking and screaming. It was the same thing at my house. No matter how much I asked Amelia not to go behind my house so Evie would not follow, she did. And Evie did follow. Playing outside ended with a timeout when Evie went behind my next door neighbors house and had her face pressed up against their sliding glass door.

We went to pick up take out and we were waiting outside the restaurant. Evie wanted to go sit in the rocking chairs so I let her walk over to them. She just kept running and then ran off the patio, into the active driveway. I was screaming and running the whole time. We live close by, so I brought her home while we waited for our order to stay with DH and I yelled at her the whole way home.

So when is she going to get "don't run away from mommy, you could get hurt". When is she going to get "don't go in a parking lot".

I could not sleep last night, I kept seeing her running into that parking lot except in my head a car came along...

myrall · April 2010

Right now, Geneva will react to the word "Freeze." I think she learned it playing a game at school, but it works like a charm. When I get her from school and I'm unlocking the doors to the car, I tell her, "Freeze!" and she halts and puts her hands in the air. It's funny looking, but it works.

Maybe a simple command, instead of the full explanation would work. Also, when Geneva wanders too far, I try to beckon her with, "Come over here" or "This way!" Or, I feign interest in something at my feet and she'll often come over to see what I'm looking at. Trickery, but effective.

I wonder if Evie doesn't sense the emotion in your voice and thinks it's a game of some sort. She's running, you're chasing her. Get what I mean? Usually, a stern, "No ma'am!" works with Geneva. It's short, loud and to-the-point.

I hate to make this comparison, but it's like training the dog: attention span of a gnat, doesn't understand much English, short commands work best. You get the gist.

delta21 · April 2010

Ugh I wish I knew! The boys do the same thing, except they run in opposite directions so needless to say I really don't take them anywhere that's not fenced in (like playgrounds) unless I have someone with me. We had them outside last night in the wagon then hanging out with some neighbors and the boys just like to run up and down the driveways. I can't tell you how many times I had to say "not in the STREET!!" to Cameron! And ya he just looked at me with a big smile.

It's certainly frustrating and scary when you think about the what-ifs!

edw2353 · April 2010

Camden isn't 2 (just turned 3) anymore but he would do the same thing. I would basically give him a talk before I let him go and if he ran off too many times (I would give him one warning) we would pack up and go home. I had to make him believe that I mean business. Evie does "get it" but she's just testing her/your boundries. A lot of it comes with age (or maturity) as well. Now Camden may still head off in front of me but I am able to call him and he'll stop but, once I get to him I reiterate what we already talked about (with a little pinch) and keep it moving. She may not be ready for free reign at certain places like busy resturants or malls (escalators scare me with the kids). We just stopped using the stroller full time.

MLvK · April 2010

myrall:
Right now, Geneva will react to the word "Freeze." I think she learned it playing a game at school, but it works like a charm. When I get her from school and I'm unlocking the doors to the car, I tell her, "Freeze!" and she halts and puts her hands in the air. It's funny looking, but it works.
Maybe a simple command, instead of the full explanation would work. Also, when Geneva wanders too far, I try to beckon her with, "Come over here" or "This way!" Or, I feign interest in something at my feet and she'll often come over to see what I'm looking at. Trickery, but effective.
I wonder if Evie doesn't sense the emotion in your voice and thinks it's a game of some sort. She's running, you're chasing her. Get what I mean? Usually, a stern, "No ma'am!" works with Geneva. It's short, loud and to-the-point.
I hate to make this comparison, but it's like training the dog: attention span of a gnat, doesn't understand much English, short commands work best. You get the gist.

You know, I understand the whole aspect of me chasing her being a game. Which is why I won't. Except then she gets too far and I have to literally run to get her. Its a catch 22.

I am going to work on Freeze with her. We'll see. I just want her to understand WHY I tell her to stop.

donna&ed · April 2010

We have the same issue with William but I started rewording it to a different terms. It seems when I say don't go there or stay close and he'll just be oblivious. But now that we call it "Parking Lot Rule", he stays and don't run off. I have the same fear as you of cars darting in out of nowhere. So this is a must for me and I'm really stern when I say it to him.

KT&John · April 2010

MLvK:

I just want her to understand WHY I tell her to stop.

I agree with this. I think you just have to find concepts that Evie understands. With Cadence, she has no idea what the heck a parking lot is. She does get what cars are and she knows what it is to get hurt. I just tell her do not go past x point because there are cars and you will get hurt. If she is about to violate the boundry I shout "STOP!" Maybe practice with the end of your driveway as the boundry and see what works for her.

hthomas02 · April 2010

ugh, Finn went through this right around the time Riley was born and it was so painful because I couldn't leave the baby or run with the baby or whatever and so it was a game to him. the thing that seemed to work was to talk to him after the fact, not during, I had to actually just scoop him up and end our activity and go home so I think that got his attention but then later at home when he was quiet and not all riled up I would sit and talk to him about it. we had to do this a couple of times but I think that worked. and I was frank and told him that cars could hurt him very badly and that seemed to have scared him a bit too. but I also like the freeze call cuz you can use that for various situations. good luck, it will pass!

myrall · April 2010

MLvK:
myrall:
Right now, Geneva will react to the word "Freeze." I think she learned it playing a game at school, but it works like a charm. When I get her from school and I'm unlocking the doors to the car, I tell her, "Freeze!" and she halts and puts her hands in the air. It's funny looking, but it works.
Maybe a simple command, instead of the full explanation would work. Also, when Geneva wanders too far, I try to beckon her with, "Come over here" or "This way!" Or, I feign interest in something at my feet and she'll often come over to see what I'm looking at. Trickery, but effective.
I wonder if Evie doesn't sense the emotion in your voice and thinks it's a game of some sort. She's running, you're chasing her. Get what I mean? Usually, a stern, "No ma'am!" works with Geneva. It's short, loud and to-the-point.
I hate to make this comparison, but it's like training the dog: attention span of a gnat, doesn't understand much English, short commands work best. You get the gist.
You know, I understand the whole aspect of me chasing her being a game. Which is why I won't. Except then she gets too far and I have to literally run to get her. Its a catch 22.
I am going to work on Freeze with her. We'll see. I just want her to understand WHY I tell her to stop.

I know you have a smart one on your hands, but I don't know that a 2-year old will "get it." The comprehension's just not there yet. I think that's why there are SO many books and experts teaching us different ways to communicate with our kids! We're trying to talk with and convey vast amounts of info to tiny humans that don't quite get the language.

I guess what I'm saying is that 2yo's don't need the "Why" right now, they just need to know not to do it period. Any explanation just complicates the matter. Maybe she'll understand in a month or it could be a year. I don't know. But it'll come eventually.

amanda_holbird@hotmail.com · April 2010

Ethan is 3 and he still doesn't listen sometimes. He's a very independent boy and is stubborn as a mule and wants to do things his way. We are constantly telling him that he has to stay with mommy and daddy and sometimes he will but then other times he wants to run off. I notice if he's in an area he is unfamiliar with, he usually sticks with us, but when he is in a familiar setting, he wants to do his own thing. I'm mostly bothered at our own home. We have a huge yard for him to play in, but Ethan wants to play in the street or go to another neighbors house to play. He can be quick and there are times he's made it to the road before I can get to him. It makes me so upset because I'm scared he's going to get hit by a car. We have a problem with speeders in our subdivision. Usually when this happens, he has to go inside and go to timeout, etc. I still chalk it up to him being young and not completely understanding everything I say, but I'm hoping that he will start listening better the older he gets.

BuckheadBride06 · April 2010

Hello! This is exactly what Macy is doing right now. The other day we got back from church and she decided it would be fun to run off the driveway and into the street. Of course, I was in my church shoes and couldn't catch her in time before she ran into the street. I was so scared that a car would come by and not see her. Thankfully, there wasn't any cars on the street. Macy doesn't listen and if I try holding her hands then she will go limp and make a scene. I really hope this is a phase and will pass very soon. I do agree that trying to reason or explain to her why we don't do things will not work right now. This is the reason why time outs do not work for us and I have to pop her in the butt sometimes. Everything is funny and a joke to her. Good luck. I like the suggestion about using the word "freeze".

noyoucomehere · April 2010

edw2353:
Camden isn't 2 (just turned 3) anymore but he would do the same thing. I would basically give him a talk before I let him go and if he ran off too many times (I would give him one warning) we would pack up and go home. I had to make him believe that I mean business.

We do exactly this. When we go somewhere like the park where I know there's a building they like to go behind where I can't see them anymore I just let them know what I expect before I get there. I tell them that as long as they are good listeners and stay away from that building, we can stay. If they have trouble listening we will have to leave. I get buy-in from them and ask them each if they agree. If they violate that, we leave. Period. They learn very quickly that they have to abide by my rules. I also usually go into lengthy explanations about the rules (why I have them, what could happen if they don't listen, etc.) and I find that they completely understand. Ethan knows exactly what I'm saying (he's 28 months). If I ask him to tell me why we don't walk into a parking lot without holding Mom's hand, he'll tell me exactly why. He understands fully. So, if you feel like she understands I'd go with it. You know her best.

We had a few ongoing issues that I was tired of dealing with so we devised a plan whereby we'd work on it for about a week until they mastered it. For example, Audrey wouldn't stay in the shopping cart at the store (at around 2 years). So, I planned a store trip every morning at 10am. This was just a lesson. I didn't have anything to buy. I'd let her know that she had to stay in the cart or we would leave. For three days straight, we left before even getting anything into the cart. On the fourth day, we got as far as the cookie isle where she was allowed to choose a package of cookies. She then got out of the cart. She had to put them back on the shelf and then we left. Oops. It was kind of sad watching her put them back while she sobbed but it was good for her. She never ever has to be told twice now while we're shopping that we'll leave if she doesn't stay in the cart.

We did this with eating in restaurants as well. For a week, we went to fun places with play equipment like CFA or McDonald's. They had to stay in their seats to eat. If they got up, they had to go to the car. It was a lot of buckling in and out for a couple of days but it was short lived. Now they both eat very nicely in restaurants. We just made sure there was an incentive (cookies at the store, playing after lunch).

FWIW, I don't have many rules. My real rules pertain to safety and it's where I absolutely mean business.

to-be-lam · April 2010

We struggle with this too. I try to do a lot of what was already suggested here. If I know we're going somewhere she'll be tempted to run off, I tell her the boundaries before we get there. If she doesn't listen to me when I ask her to stop, we leave.

If we're someplace like the zoo where there isn't a threat of cars, I usually let her have more leeway and freedom to run around. If we do have to leave somewhere, I do talk to her about it after the fact, when I am calm and when she is not so hyper.

Also, whether she completely understands me or not, I do always tell her why the rules are what they are. At some point she will completely understand - right now I put it in terms of "I don't want you to get hurt," and, "If you get hurt, Mommy will be very sad." I think she does understand those explanations to some extent.

MLvK · April 2010

myrall:
MLvK:
myrall:
Right now, Geneva will react to the word "Freeze." I think she learned it playing a game at school, but it works like a charm. When I get her from school and I'm unlocking the doors to the car, I tell her, "Freeze!" and she halts and puts her hands in the air. It's funny looking, but it works.
Maybe a simple command, instead of the full explanation would work. Also, when Geneva wanders too far, I try to beckon her with, "Come over here" or "This way!" Or, I feign interest in something at my feet and she'll often come over to see what I'm looking at. Trickery, but effective.
I wonder if Evie doesn't sense the emotion in your voice and thinks it's a game of some sort. She's running, you're chasing her. Get what I mean? Usually, a stern, "No ma'am!" works with Geneva. It's short, loud and to-the-point.
I hate to make this comparison, but it's like training the dog: attention span of a gnat, doesn't understand much English, short commands work best. You get the gist.
You know, I understand the whole aspect of me chasing her being a game. Which is why I won't. Except then she gets too far and I have to literally run to get her. Its a catch 22.
I am going to work on Freeze with her. We'll see. I just want her to understand WHY I tell her to stop.
I know you have a smart one on your hands, but I don't know that a 2-year old will "get it." The comprehension's just not there yet. I think that's why there are SO many books and experts teaching us different ways to communicate with our kids! We're trying to talk with and convey vast amounts of info to tiny humans that don't quite get the language.
I guess what I'm saying is that 2yo's don't need the "Why" right now, they just need to know not to do it period. Any explanation just complicates the matter. Maybe she'll understand in a month or it could be a year. I don't know. But it'll come eventually.

No, I know. I get she doesn't get it. That is my question. WHEN is she going to "get it". I want to know when she is going to get it so I can see an end in sight. I

Kerrin · April 2010

She should be getting it. Ava has for awhile now. If she doesn't do what we ask, everything stops and we leave or go in or whatever. So that for the most part has taught her.

maykat · April 2010

Alec started to get it when he was closer to 2 and 1/2. He pretty much has stopped the running away.

Now he is very cautious even of cars. If there is a car that is a really far away, he will put his arm out to protect me and say no, we can't go because there is a car:)

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