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Baby Showers
Is it ok to have a Baby Shower for your second baby?
I gave birth to our first child (a boy) 4 years ago in January. Now we are expecting a little girl! She is due in July. Two of my friends want to throw me a shower for this one. My one friend is now referring to it as a "sprinkle". I told her I was already registering for things I will need. She said you don't register for a "sprinkle". I told her I was tired of telling people it stuff I needed, now they can look it up. My sister doesn't seem to think I should be having a shower for this one, because I already had one for my first baby. I guess my question is, is it Ok to have a shower for your second baby? I don't see why not. Isn't it a celebration of a child coming into your life? Plus, I can really use some things. I have all boy clothes, and she will have been delivered in the opposite season. In addition to that, my cousin (who planed the first shower) didn't bother to invite all the people I had asked her to. Not because she didn't have the room for them, but because she forgot to mail them an only handed out invites to the people she saw. I was really hurt by this, and there where several people that where offended by not receiving an invite. We are not planing on having any more kids. So, should this shower be "downplayed" because it's for a second child and it's "tradition" not to even have one for additional children? Or, should it be just as special because it's celebrating another new life and it's a different gender child?
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Re: Is it ok to have a Baby Shower for your second baby?
Here's what I've heard... First of all, if anyone offers you should feel comfortable accepting. However, usually folks don't have a full blown 2nd shower unless there is a big age gap between the kids (this happened to my mom when she adopted my nephew). Otherwise I have seen amaller scale showers when the kids are different genders or when the age gap is not so big. But know that some people consider a 2nd shower a no-no and will talk... That's why I have tried to go gender neutral on gear and big ticket items. I only expect to have to buy girls clothes and linens and new disposbles if we are blessed with a 2nd female child.
Yes, it is okay to have a shower for your second child, especially considering there is an age difference and gender difference. But, the catch is - someone has to throw one for you. Clearly, your friend has offered, but is obviously not comfortable with your registry, and likely won't be comfortable relaying registry information to guests. You and your host need to sit down and get on the same page. If she was thinking of a small, intimate sprinkle and you're envisioning a full out shower, that's clearly not going to work. You need to make sure what you're wanting is inside the realm of what she's comfortable with hosting. If she's only comfortable with a sprinkle and having a small guest list, then that's what you need to let her do. Just make sure you get on the same page with her.
Also, make sure your registry is stuff you truly need and not stuff you simply want - if you have a Pack N Play that's completely fine, don't register for another one just because you want a pink one, or a new one. This might help you friend see that you are really registering to help guide your guests, not to be gift grabby.
I agree w/ alot of what Dani said.
My personal take- SHOWERS are for new moms. If you want to "celebrate your baby", you can do so w/o making it a gift giving event!
however, if someone offers to throw you something small (like your friend is doing), this is fine.
I personally dont' find a "full blown shower" appropriate for a 4 year age gap OR a different gender (really, other than clothes, what do you need?). And on the clothes front, you'll get a ton of clothes from people once the baby comes w/o having any kind of shower or sprinkle.
Registry- its fine that you've registered, and it's also fine if your friend doesn't want to mention it. People will either figure it out, or they'll get you something else. (Remember, a registry is a wish list. Not a demand list.).
So- be gracious, accept your friends offer, and work w/ what she's willing to do. If you don't like this, then you can just say "no thanks" all together.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think it is perfectly fine to have a shower for a 2nd or a 3rd child. No one should be able to dictate what is and is not acceptable. I have been reading the threads and it seems that people have very strong and sometimes rude opinions on what people should do. Granted, people have been posing the question, so obviously they are looking for advice. This is my third and last child and according to those around me, family and friends, we will be having a shower. Before I had a chance to even question whether we would or wouldn?t people were saying,? When is the shower?? or ?Make sure you invite me to the shower?. My coworkers are planning a shower for me as well. I do not think that it is so much about someone just wanting gifts for a second child, but that it is a celebration for a new addition to a family. Lastly this idea of a 2nd or 3rd shower being ?tacky? must be a cultural thing. I am African American and never have the words tacky or greedy been associated with anyone in our family or friends who have had multiple showers. You should do what?s right for you and your family and baby. If some people don?t show up because they have a personal opinion about it, then so be it. There are others things to focus on than the number of showers someone has had.
IMO I think 2nd baby showers are tack y and I get annoyed when I am invited to one. However, I think there are certain exceptions - such as having multiple babies or having a big age gap between siblings. Since your son is 4 and you are having a girl this time around, I see nothing wrong with having a small shower or "sprinkle". If someone wants to throw one for you let them, that's wonderful. My sister wanted to throw me a sprinkle, but I told her absolutely no way - I didn't want one. DD#1 was just born a little over two years ago and there is nothing that I need. I think it's nice to want to "celebrate every baby" and that will happen when she is born and everyone comes to visit in the hospital or at home afterwards. I think some people are just greedy and want people to but them stuff.
Enjoy your shower!
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
Sorry but I agree with this. I'd be happy to send a gift but a second shower invite would offend me, personally.
Obviously it depends on your local, especially from the pp answers. Where I am from people have 2nd and even 3rd showers. If people are offering to throw it then I say go for it. 4 years is a long time, I know lots of people who give stuff away, get rid of stuff, etc in less time than that. To each their own, I guess. I hope you have a good time!
IMO if someone offers to throw one, it's fine to accept but only in the realm of what the hostess has planned. If your hostess isn't comfortable throwing you a huge shower w/ registery info included then she shouldn't feel pressured to. In my family most of the second and even third time moms get a shower, and I've never heard of it being tacky until I came to this board. That being said, showers are to shower the mom with gifts, not to celebrate the baby (although the two go hand in hand).
You can celebrate your new arrival without gifts being involved. Personally I'm not comfortable with a second shower and have declined offers. We're going to have a "Welcome baby" bbq a few weeks after baby is born instead.
It varies with the region, and with family/friend groups. It's obviously not common amongst your friend group to throw a full on shower for a second baby: the host is offering a sprinkle, and your sister is saying you shouldn't have one at all. Based on that, other guests are probably going to find it tacky to have a full blown shower and a registry for the second baby.
You are being rude to your friend to dictate to her what she does for you. She wants to throw you a small/downplayed sprinkle, and doesn't want to pass around registry info. That's her call. You either are OK with it, or you say no, thanks, but you don't get to dictate to someone (her or anyone else) what they should be doing for you.
Personally, I think a registry in this case is going overboard. All you've mentioned needing is clothes, and people can pick those out without worrying about duplicating major items. If people ask, that's what you can tell them.
I threw a sprinkle for my friend, although at the time I didn't know that's what it was called. She had a boy the first time and then was having a girl. It was simple and done at my house. We had dessert and gave her girl clothes since she had everything else. We played games and chatted, it was fun.
Registries are always good! I keep one for myself for Christmas and Birthdays just in case. There are always those people that don't shop off of it, but some like it cause it's low pressure!
In my personal opinion a shower should be for a first time mom only. My reasoning is that the idea of a shower is to "shower" a first time mommy with gifts. Generally the gift giving and the celebrating of the baby go hand in hand but I have never felt that a shower is for the baby. I feel that a shower is for the mommy. First time moms need a little more help as they generally have limited experience with products and are usually unaware of how expensive providing for a child is. Once you have had a child you should know what you are getting into and therefor should not expect the same sort of material help that is provided at a shower. Whenever I hear "every baby should be celebrated" I feel that it is just an excuse for people to get gifts. Don't get me wrong gifts are great and really help out but lets be honest there are other ways to celebrate a baby without having a gift giving event.
I feel that sprinkles are perfectly appropriate. The mom is generally gifted with "smaller" items like clothing, diapers exc. and you get to celebrate the baby. If your cousin is not comfortable with having a full scale shower then you have two options 1) politely decline and hope that someone else offers to host a shower or 2) graciously except the gift that your cousin is offering. Showers and sprinkles are gifts, they are not required rights of passage.
I would also note that if your cousin and sister are against a full scale shower then more than likely a lot of other people will be as well. Yes, you can go against the grain on this one and do whatever you want but be prepared to offend some people.
I say a sprinkle is fine. If you don't want to turn it into a gift event then ask for gift cards. That way they can put it in their card and you can use what you need from the Gift Certificate.Also, regardless of what # the LO is people want to give gifts. Family members etc. and friends/coworkers feel the need to help out. So give them an option.
I don't think that its greedy or whatever. You are celebrating baby and if you don't want gifts you can say so. I have been to many 2nd & 3rd baby showers and there was no gifts. Should anyone wish to give the mother one they did so outside the shower event or in the mail. The hostess requested that they bring something for a potluck if they felt compelled to contribute. It was fine.
Second showers are fine IMHO. I think it is kind of cheap and a little cruel to insist that since they already have one girl or one boy that the new baby doesn't deserve the same attention as the first born. You may not need all the new items etc, but the baby is still important to you and thus deserves to be celebrated equally.
To me insisting that a second shower is a no-no, is like insisting that people not celebrate birthdays after the very first one. Each birthday (and each baby) is a unique event and should be treated as such.
I think it's completely fine to register for the 2nd and even the 3rd child--people will still want to give gifts to celebrate the arrival of a new family member! My cousin was worried about this too recently and she found an article that had some really good tips about how doing the 2nd registry:
https://www.ehow.com/how_5983604_create-baby-registry-second-child.html
I would prob send a gift, or attend with a very small gift, like $10-$15 worth max. A friend of mine is having her 3rd child who's only about 2 yrs apart from the 2nd one; and she claims that she has NO baby stuff since she gave them all away to her friends and other family members. But I dont think that anyone is throwing her a shower.
My SIL's best friend threw her and her hubby a surprise shower for their second child. This is their first boy so she had no boy stuff and we were happy to celebrate their first boy's arrival. I bought her a lot of little boy's clothes since she has no boys clothes and really wanted boys clothes more than anything else. It was not as extravagant as her first shower it was more casual and really fun!
i'm not that far along with my second, but personally i can't imagine registering. it just seems greedy. even if this baby is a different gender like pp said clothes aren't that expensive and between that and diapers and formula will be all the things i will need that i don't already have. i have already started stockpiling diapers when i find a great deal, so i may not even need that many diapers.
if people WANT to buy you gifts for the new baby then they will - and based on my experience people usually buy you what they want to give you - not necessarily what you registered for anyway.
my mom has already offered to host a "baby tea" with close family and friends to celebrate the impending arrival and now all we have to worry about is how to tell people NOT to bring gifts. i am looking forward to this relaxing event much more than the showers i went to the first go around.