Husband not happy about pregnancy
Jordnot
member
I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant and I was so excited about it. My husband told me he didnt want a baby yet, but after reading all the statistics about it taking around 6 months for couples to get pregnant, we decided to start now and hopefully get pregnant in a few months. We were blessed and got pregnant on the first try. I am so happy about it, but he is furious. He wont really talk to me or look at me, and I spent all of yesterday crying, instead of celebrating what should have been the happiest day of my life. I dont know what to do, he feels betrayed because I told him about all the statistics that I had read. I didnt know that we were going to get lucky on the first try and Im almost 29 years old so I thought that my age would make it harder to get pregnant right away too. We are telling my mom and his parents tomorrow and I'm so scared of how he will behave when we tell him. I've been fantasising about telling our parents and how wonderful it will be and now I'm just scared for his reaction instead. Has anyone else gone through this?
Re: Husband not happy about pregnancy
So he didn't want a baby, yet he still agreed to try for a baby becuase in 6 months he would have been ready? Sounds like your husband has issues. Sorry.
I can tell you though that if one parent isn't ready and the other is, it's really stressful. Hopefully he changes in the next 9 months becuase he's going to be a dad! Good luck.
He should not be surprised that you are PG if you were trying - even with the stats. Unless he is a complete moron (which I hope he is not), he should know that if you have sex and don't take precautions against pregnancy, it CAN and MIGHT happen on the first try. He was an active participant, so he should not be mad at you - you couldn't do it yourself!
Regarding telling you parents, I would wait a little while - both to make sure it is a viable pregnancy and also the time would let him get used to it more so that everyone can share in the joy. I would wait at least until you are 10 weeks.
JMO!
In my bag: Nikon D90; 35mm 1.8, 90mm 2.8 macro (my fave), Lensbaby Composer with macro extensions. BFP after 13 cycles and one ectopic. Lost left tube 5/19/10.
I am so sorry you are going through this. But I do have to say what did he think was going to happen? The difference between now and 6 months is a blink of an eye.
Enjoy you happiness and I would hope he would come around.
No, I have not experienced this.
What would you think about finding a family counselor to talk about this with? The last thing you would want is him resenting you or your child.
That's tough =( I'm sorry your going through this....but if he agreed to start trying he must have known that it can sometimes happen the first time....
Most people would be so thrilled to get pregnant the first time trying...
Well Good luck...
So he agreed to start trying and is furious that it worked?? Sorry, but he needs to grow up!! Maybe he's just in shock right now and he'll come around once he gets used to the idea of being a daddy. Sorry you have to go through this added stress
I am sorry your husband is making you feel bad.
If he wasn't ready for a baby, it might have been better to wait until he was ready, although it is definitely too late now.
Sometimes it takes longer for men to accept a pregnancy. Their first thought is about how they are going to provide for this infant, and a baby that comes earlier then planned it can make them pretty grouchy and downright panicky. Some men also feel out of control with a pregnancy; they can't control any aspect of it, they are worried about their wives, and they worry that they will lose who they are.
I would wait to tell your parents for a few weeks. Give him time to come to terms with it and it would give you two the opportunity to talk about it when he isn't so upset. Let him know how his behavior is upseting you and that his attitude towards you is not fair. He knew you were stopping birth control. He knew it only takes once to actually get pregnant. He still had sex with you without protection. He has no one to blame but himself. Which could be why he is so upset in the first place...
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
I agree with this.
I'm sorry he's not happy with a pregnancy, but what did he think would happen when you have unprotected sex and you were "trying?" There's always a possibility of a pregnancy.
And I do agree with holding off telling the parents mainly to give your H time to adjust to the idea of becoming a father.
GL
This is definitely true. My husband was gung-ho about having a baby and he still freaked out after we got the BFP. It really started to tick me off ... he became withdrawn and stressed. I finally said, "You need to go talk to a friend who has kids!" That really helped him.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
"><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/825/1820/8251820.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - Free <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Calorie Counter</a></small></p>Two words for your hubby.... "Man Up". I get that guys can be nervous and scared, but aren't we too?! We're the one's who have to carry and birth the baby. He needs to get over whatever he's going through and be there for you and the baby.
The first time I was pregnant was an accident. My husband was so mad, and cried in bed for about 3 hours when I told him. He had everything "planned out," and had the baby scheduled for a year later. He continued to be a pain to me for a couple months. For the first few weeks he'd ignore me when he got home from work, or sometimes lock the bedroom door and make me sleep on the couch. I was told that I have a few problems that could delay getting pregnant, and have had a few chemical pregnancies, he was upset that one broken condom (I can't take hormonal BC) could lead to a viable pregnancy.
Eventually, he decided that he was ok with everything, and it was for the best. Somewhere around 16 weeks, I got the flu really bad and had a 103 temp. I lost the baby, and we were both devastated.
He decided that he wanted to "try" for a baby as soon as it was medially ok to do so. I decided I didn't want to, and spend about a year being depressed about the whole thing. We then started trying last August, and didn't get a successful pregnancy till January. So, it took about 6 months for us. He's happy now, and I'm nauseous all the time.
This might not have been a good example, but sometimes men are a bit childish, even when they are over 25 and married. Maybe he needs some time to process it all. He might be upset because he wasn't expect it to happen so soon. I've noticed that things like U/S or hearing the heartbeat seem to make things more "real" for them, and make it a tangible idea that some men need to understand what's really happening.
I agree with the other posters, maybe he just needs a bit of time to get used to the idea. I would definately wait to tell the the parents. Maybe in a few weeks time, he will have adjusted to the idea and can be excited with you when you share the news.
This. Well said, Chrissie.
Hubby needs to put on his big boy undies and stop being angry about something you both decided to do. The difference between today and 6 months from now is nothing....why does he think he would have been more ready in 6 months?
Here's what I would do - adult conversation with him. I'm sure he's freaking out and it's coming out as an immature rant. We get excited about being pregnant and tend to think about the logistics later, men do the opposite. It's the hormones, I swear. If he continues to be a jack@ss about this, I would look into counseling. He has 9 months to get it together and get excited, although it would be nice for you if it happened before.
I would definitely wait to tell family and friends. You don't want to be all "I'M PREGNANT!!!!! squee!" with him in the corner pouting. Give him a few weeks to get used to it. If your doc does an early US, take him to that because seeing the baby might change him a bit.
Worst case scenario, he has to be excited by the time you're 6 months pregnant. Because after all, he was going to be ready by that point.
Good luck. I'm betting he's just overwhelmed and needs some time.
Speaking of some counseling. There is absoutely NO reason your husband should ever lock you out of your bedroom and make you sleep on the couch. This isn't childish, it is downright nasty.
Right?! I was thinking the same thing.
This, and a healthy dose of perspective as well. Maybe he would like to talk to my DH who thought he was going to be a father four times, only to have his heart broken.
This isn't complicated - if he willingly had sex without birth control, he should have understood that babies usually are the result. Tell him to grow the hell up and be thankful for his blessings.
Wow, I am so sorry you're married to such a man-child. Did he not remember all the safe sex talks from his teen years, how one time can result in a pregnancy?
Would he rather have my husband's life? Tell him that my DH was eager to have a family, instead it took 36 MONTHS of trying and we were only successful after spending about $35,000 in fertility treatments and medication. Now THAT is a bitter pill to swallow. So yeah, he should feel damn lucky that you guys were blessed to get pregnant the first month. He definitely doesn't want to be on the opposite end of that spectrum.
As for telling family, please wait. Give your husband time to grow up and realize this baby is coming, whether he likes it or not. Good luck.
6 IUIs,IVF #1 w/ICSI = BFP!
Betas, 332 & 856 = twins!
Our baby girl is here!
This.
I think your husband is an ungrateful pig.
I understand him being overwhelmed, shocked, scared that it happened so soon.. but furious? He deserves a kick to the nuts.
Why would he start trying to have a baby if he wasn't ready for one?
Me too! Seriously.
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
:jaw on the floor:
Obviously he missed out on high school sex ed?
Considering that your husband is acting like a spoiled little brat, I think he has a lot of growing up to do. You might want him to get that in check before the baby comes and you're raising 2 at the same time.
BFP#1 Kaitlyn 11-17-04
BFP #2 Matthew pPROM 23w5d 06-03-07, b/33 weeks 8-6-07, d/10-15-07 SIDS,
BFP #3 m/c 8 weeks 2/20/09, BFP #4 m/c no hb 6w4d, m/c 9w4d, D&C 11w2d, BFP #5 C/P 12/18/09 after BFP- 9dpo
BFP #6 Samantha- 11-9-10
BFP #7 4/20/12 21 DPO beta: 2382 29 DPO beta: 23000! HB 6w2d 116 bpm due Christmas day!
This Momma's Journey
~Today I am pregnant and I love my baby~
i can't even respond to the comment about the husband locking his wife out of the bedroom. it's beyond words.
as for the OP's issue, I guess I don't understand the original logic. Yes, it often takes 6 months to conceive, because it doesn't always work on the first try. Sometimes it takes longer. But to go into it thinking you would try for five months and on the sixth month, *wham!* That makes no sense, either. It's a statistic. If either of you weren't ready, you should not have started trying. It sounds like this was a conversation you had that lacked some basic communication. Like, statistics mean "on average," and are not a predictor in any way for any particular couple's chances.
I totally agree that you should wait to tell your folks until he comes around a bit, or at least you are out of the first trimester. Getting counseling? Excellent idea. Because you both need to get on the same page, quickly. Best of luck to you in that.
This.
It is true that you can never tell how long it will take to get pregnant. I have a coworker who knows my story and he talked his wife into TTC a little sooner than she was ready because it "might take a little while". She, of course, got knocked up their first month NOT PREVENTING (versus actually actively trying) and had serious emotional issues for the entire pregnancy. She was also weirdly detached for a WHILE after the birth. Now their kid is like... one and a half, I think and she's finally eased fully into mommy-mode. Not trying to scare you, just letting you know that it make take your DH longer to adjust to this than you'd like. I suggest you find a way to be happy despite the fact that he's not.
Hopefully he will get over this soon. He needs to be supporting you right now not being negative. Maybe he needs to be reminded that he made choice to have sex and that there is always a chance of getting pregnant. Also, the baby is not coming tomorrow. l have time to prepare and do whatever you want before the baby comes. Also, you may consider telling him to talk to a mature friend or a counselor.
I know it can be hard. My husband was really nervous at first. We were surprised by out pregnancy but we are thrilled. I hope that he turns his attitude around. Good luck!<a href="https://alterna-tickers.com"><img src="https://alterna-tickers.com/tickers/generated_tickers/l/l9zxweosp.png" border="0" alt="AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers"></a>
Seriously.
Let me tell y'all something. If Mr. Corningstone pulled that with me, our bedroom door would have a nice little window in it from me punching sh*t through it. Hell.No.
6 IUIs,IVF #1 w/ICSI = BFP!
Betas, 332 & 856 = twins!
Our baby girl is here!
I certainly hope he has not only apologized for his disgusting behavior but made it clear he knew how wrong it was for him to even consider treating you this way.
Wow.
It sounds to me that there was a major communication break down on both of your parts. While I agree his behavior displays a great deal of naivety, and I certainly can't pretend to know both sides of the story, I do know that my husband and I singing from the same hymnal when we started TTC. We both 100% agreed that we wanted and were ready for a baby, now, as in today, with the understanding that it may happen that month or in 6 months or in 2 years. Regardless of how long it took, we were ready when we started. We also agreed that should anything change how we felt, we would tell the other person and reevaluate.
The past is the past, but I encourage you to not focus on who is right and who is wrong in this situation, but to focus on improving the communication skills between each other because your child will need a unified front at so many different stages. If you and your husband are not able to get on the same page and realize those times when you are not on the same page, then I see lots of difficulty ahead for you.
Also, do remind him, how blessed you are that it happened on your first try. If he doesn?t believe you, have him check out the trouble trying to conceive boards.
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
Seriously? You TTC based on sh!!t you read? Every person is different. I got pregnant on the first try both times. You HAVE to expect that if you dont use BC you will most likely get pregnant and it could be the first time you TTC
I was thinking the same thing! You lock me out? get out you toolbox honey, you've got a door to replace!
But I also think you sould wait to tell people - this time when we know and no one else does can be really special, and you'll miss that too if you tell now. Let him come around and enjoy it just the two of you for a little while.
Your husband is pretty stupid if he honestly had no idea that it was possible that you would get pregnant right away.
And honestly, it's ok if he's feeling a little overwhelmed, but it's not ok that he's being a jerk. He had sex with you without birth control, therefore, he has no right to be p*ssed.