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So mad I could spit! **spits**

policewife08policewife08
in North Dakota Babies

Yesterday I found out that my parents, who watch A-man when I'm at work, fed him pears two weeks ago every day and did not tell me!  (Anderson has pooping issues and they did it for a week straight because they felt this would get his system on track.)

One day last week they mentioned they were going to pick some up and I said very clearly "Please Don't!", but I guess it was something that was already being done.

Last night I couldn't sleep b/c now I'm worried what else are they doing that they are not telling me.  So this morning when I went to drop A-man off at their house, I was just going to be very calm about it.  In a jokingly way, stated...I need to have a stern talk with you.  I know that you have Anderson's best interest in mind, but please respect my wishes as his mom and don't do anything behind my back.

 Then the flood gates opened and my dad proceeds to list the things that I am  doing "wrong" or that he doesn't agree with.  It was out of no where and I just started crying and I couldn't even respond.  I got to work and could not stop crying.  I ended up calling a sub and went to pick Anderson up.  My dad wasn't there.  I told my mom that I was very hurt and she said I'm reading too much into it and everything will just blow over.

They watch him without asking to be paid, but I am paying in other ways and I don't know if it is worth it.  I need to talk to my dad (I'm sure is the instigator behind the whole thing) and set some rules.  If they can't follow them then this is not worth it for me.  I would rather pay someone who I know will follow my wishes!  I'm just so upset!   I haven't stopped crying yet. 

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Re: So mad I could spit! **spits**

  • niuchick21niuchick21
    I'm so sorry!!!!!  I agree, even if they are watching him for free, they need to respect your wishes as his mom!
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  • Amer19Amer19

    imageniuchick21:
    I'm so sorry!!!!!  I agree, even if they are watching him for free, they need to respect your wishes as his mom!

    I agree 100%

    Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie DS: Born 2007 TTC #2- Diagnosed with secondary infertility, after 18 months and failed IUIs, we achieved success with IVF #1 DD: Born 2011
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  • Alexandra&JohnAlexandra&John member
    I'm sorry this is happening.  But you're right they do have his best interest at heart.  Look they raised you and I'm sure you're perfect human being.  I understand how upsetting it is.  When I picked up Angelica the other day, my mom told me that my dad almost cut her 2 little side curls to even out her hair.  I said "WHAT???"  If I come home and she doesn't have those curls, I will be very very upset.
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  • WendellsWendells
    omg i'm so sorry.  i would be livid as well! 
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  • Ms.Beachbum08Ms.Beachbum08
    Have you gotten the "We are the grandparents and while they are in our house...." speech?  If not, it's coming.  They will continue to do what they want, even if is against your wishes.
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  • policewife08policewife08

    imageMs.Beachbum08:
    Have you gotten the "We are the grandparents and while they are in our house...." speech?  If not, it's coming.  They will continue to do what they want, even if is against your wishes.

    I'm expecting it.  How do you handle it?

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  • BlondeBeachBride08BlondeBeachBride08

    I'm so sorry! I think Meg is probably right though. Would they take you seriously if you threatened to find other child care? Would it be worth it to them to change just to be able to keep watching him?

    I'd be so upset if someone started my baby on solids at 4 months without telling me!! 

    Siggy Deleted Due to Internet Stalking. Mama to Q, born July 2010
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  • policewife08policewife08
    imageBlondeBeachBride08:

    I'm so sorry! I think Meg is probably right though. Would they take you seriously if you threatened to find other child care? Would it be worth it to them to change just to be able to keep watching him?

    I'd be so upset if someone started my baby on solids at 4 months without telling me!! 

    My dad is trying to use it as a carrot in front of my nose so to speak.  Like, we are doing this for free and if you don't like what we are doing go somewhere else.

    I refuse to let my son be a pawn in a pissing match.  If they can't respect my wishes I have no problem finding other child care.  I know it would kill my mom though.  It is mainly my dad being bull headed. 

     Funny thing is I asked them how they would feel if my grandparents did it.  They said they knew it would be a problem which is why they didn't let my grandparents watch us...duh... 

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  • BlondeBeachBride08BlondeBeachBride08
    imagepolicewife08:

    My dad is trying to use it as a carrot in front of my nose so to speak.  Like, we are doing this for free and if you don't like what we are doing go somewhere else.

    I refuse to let my son be a pawn in a pissing match.  If they can't respect my wishes I have no problem finding other child care.  I know it would kill my mom though.  It is mainly my dad being bull headed. 

     Funny thing is I asked them how they would feel if my grandparents did it.  They said they knew it would be a problem which is why they didn't let my grandparents watch us...duh... 

    So by admitting that they wouldn't let your grandparents watch you for the same reason, isn't he pretty much admitting that he's in the wrong?? I hope you can get him to see reason, or maybe try to get your mom on your side. I somehow doubt that your dad is going to take A. and feed him pears etc if your mom is also firmly against it. Maybe he would though. ugh!  

    Siggy Deleted Due to Internet Stalking. Mama to Q, born July 2010
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  • Mrs.S_0909Mrs.S_0909
    I'm so sorry they're doing that. If it were me I would just find a daycare in the area and enroll him there.
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  • lindeenweddinglindeenwedding member

    imageniuchick21:
    I'm so sorry!!!!!  I agree, even if they are watching him for free, they need to respect your wishes as his mom!

    THIS! I'd be LIVID. I am sorry you are dealing with that. 

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    ~Kimberly & Eric~ April 21, 2008 ~Tensing Pen ~ Negril, Jamaica ~ My Blog: One Sunset at a Time
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  • WendellsWendells

    imageMrs.S_0909:
    I'm so sorry they're doing that. If it were me I would just find a daycare in the area and enroll him there.

    This! 

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  • ash.fleaash.flea
    I would be so pissed!  If it were me I would just find a daycare/nanny and stop taking him there because I doubt that they'll start respecting your wishes otherwise.  Maybe if you show them that you're serious you can stop this behavior now so that you don't have to deal with it the rest of A-man's life.
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  • Ms.Beachbum08Ms.Beachbum08

    imageMs.Beachbum08:
    Have you gotten the "We are the grandparents and while they are in our house...." speech?  If not, it's coming.  They will continue to do what they want, even if is against your wishes.

    We are still dealing with this and Mya is going to be 10.  I tried to reason with my parents, but even if you take the A-man to a different day care, they will still do these things during a daily visit.

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  • Butterflie6381Butterflie6381

    imageash.flea:
    I would be so pissed!  If it were me I would just find a daycare/nanny and stop taking him there because I doubt that they'll start respecting your wishes otherwise.  Maybe if you show them that you're serious you can stop this behavior now so that you don't have to deal with it the rest of A-man's life.

    this

    and I'm sorry because it must be so hurtful to hear from your own father that he doesn't approve of your parenting.  I think he just forfeited his "Father of the Year" mug come June.

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  • policewife08policewife08
    imageButterflie6381:

    imageash.flea:
    I would be so pissed!  If it were me I would just find a daycare/nanny and stop taking him there because I doubt that they'll start respecting your wishes otherwise.  Maybe if you show them that you're serious you can stop this behavior now so that you don't have to deal with it the rest of A-man's life.

    this

    and I'm sorry because it must be so hurtful to hear from your own father that he doesn't approve of your parenting.  I think he just forfeited his "Father of the Year" mug come June.

     Agreed!  Made me laugh...first time today thanks!

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  • policewife08policewife08

    I have a back up sitter.  I doubt that she would do it full time...although I don't know...  She watched him for half a day last week and only charged 15 dollars, but I paid her more...I just didn't feel right.

     

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  • siba1119siba1119
    I agree too.  You are still the parent and he is your son, not theirs.
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  • AshNicole331AshNicole331
    Ugh, these situations are the worst. Unfortunately this stuff is probably never going to end...that's what I'm told anyway :)
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker ashley jordan est. 06.07.08 | siesta key, fl
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  • Eleise96Eleise96
    Oh man, I would be spitting nails as well.  I think you did the right thing by expressing your feelings about this, but I'm sad that your dad handled it the way he did.  Maybe looking into another form of childcare may be in your best interest...  HUGS!
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  • dani_girl08dani_girl08
    I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.  This is exactly why I won't let my mom or DH's mom watch the baby full time--it's hard to fire your parents.  Hopefully, you can all sit down & have a non-confrontational discussion about why the things they are doing are inappropriate, & unfair to you as a parent.  I hope it all works out without putting too much stress on your relationship with them.  {{hugs}}
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  • Mrs.PsyDMrs.PsyD

    Good gravy what is with all these Grandparents and the feeding of the solids?

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like it is more than just the feeding thing and that your dad is having a hard time respecting your role as the mother and decision maker.  I'm glad you are able to see that he may be using watching A-Man for free as leverage.

    I disagree with your mom that you should let it "blow over".  Just because they are passive agressive does not mean you have to accept that behavior. I would get DH to babysit for a few hours and go over there without the baby and have a chat with them  

    That way if it turns into a hash it out fest, you wont have to worry about the baby at the same time.

    .Let them know that you appreciate then watching A, but if they cannot respect your parenting decisions and continue to have strong feelings about how you choose to raise him, you will be willing to find alternative care. Don't threaten, just say that" if you are not comfortable with my parenting style, I can make other arrangements".


    Hugs and vibes that it goes well when you are able to try to talk with him.
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  • DreamsBride411DreamsBride411 member
    Oh no!! Judy I'm so sorry!!! Major (((((hugs)))) from Nari's bedroom at 4 am...
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  • oohlypinonoohlypinon
    imageMrs.PsyD:

    Good gravy what is with all these Grandparents and the feeding of the solids?

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like it is more than just the feeding thing and that your dad is having a hard time respecting your role as the mother and decision maker.  I'm glad you are able to see that he may be using watching A-Man for free as leverage.

    I disagree with your mom that you should let it "blow over".  Just because they are passive agressive does not mean you have to accept that behavior. I would get DH to babysit for a few hours and go over there without the baby and have a chat with them  

    That way if it turns into a hash it out fest, you wont have to worry about the baby at the same time.

    .Let them know that you appreciate then watching A, but if they cannot respect your parenting decisions and continue to have strong feelings about how you choose to raise him, you will be willing to find alternative care. Don't threaten, just say that" if you are not comfortable with my parenting style, I can make other arrangements".


    Hugs and vibes that it goes well when you are able to try to talk with him.

     

    This!!!  I think that unless you are putting him at risk of some sort then they need to respect your wishes.  If they have suggestions then fine, but at teh end of the day they nedd to realize you have the final say.  (((Hugs))))

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  • sillybiochemistsillybiochemist
    imageMs.Beachbum08:

    imageMs.Beachbum08:
    Have you gotten the "We are the grandparents and while they are in our house...." speech?  If not, it's coming.  They will continue to do what they want, even if is against your wishes.

    We are still dealing with this and Mya is going to be 10.  I tried to reason with my parents, but even if you take the A-man to a different day care, they will still do these things during a daily visit.

    That was my thought exactly.  I'm not a mom yet but know that these arguments are coming.  I'm just glad in some ways that I don't live where I grew up.  That way I'll only have to deal with this when they visit or I visit them.  I'm sure there's a risk of it happening with other people (other than grandparents) but for some reason I'm expecting it from family the most.  

    Good luck and sending many hugs!

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