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Feeling very low today.

fish_n_babyfish_n_baby
in Adoption
Hi all I introduced myself last week. Long story short my husband and I were contacted on the 1st of March about a mother due the 20th. Well we've had our home study (the 1st anyway) sw says everything looks wonderful. However BM never told the BF (wow!!) our SW was the one to inform him yesterday morning. She's 16 he's 20 and is now living with his 16 yr old girlfriend and her parents and is refusing to sign. SW says she has a gut feeling that this is just coming from anger but to be prepared. BM is being induced on Saturday. SW says we are going to take custody of the baby (if we still want to proceed) and if the father does in fact want to father his child he can fight us pending a DNA test. DH and I both agree we don't want to "take" someones child who wants to parent. I have a gut feeling it will all work out. Thanks for listening. Any of you had a situation like this where BF said no but changed his mind. They are meeting for the first time today since around the time of conception and I'm on pins and needles. 
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Re: Feeling very low today.

  • GLynn2009GLynn2009
    I am lost. He is living with BM or another 16 year old? How did he not know if she is due this week??
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  • lilmufishlilmufish member
    Bummer. I can understand your hesitation of not wanting to adopt if one of the bio parents wants to parent. Saturday is just a few days away, keep us updated!
    My Blog Attempt Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
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  • fish_n_babyfish_n_baby

    *update*

    he is living with his 17 yr old "fiance" (completely different girl, who by the way is sending threating text messages to my BM, I'd like to get ahold of this girl) and was in contact with my attorney yesterday on and off asking quite a few questions. There were a couple that made me hopeful, but he also asked if he does this will he have to pay US child support? My lawyer explained that no he would not be responsible for any of the child's needs. So I'm hanging on the the shred of hope that we have left, thanks for listening again. Also please pray that I don't drive myself completely crazy today. How in the world do you make your mind go anywhere else?

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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member

    I'm thinking of you fish.  That is a really tough situation.

    It sounds like the BF's angry he didn't know about this sooner, and that's certainly understandable.  I think he lashed out in anger when he refused to sign, but now it also sounds like he's trying to figure out how having a child and/or relinquishing his rights will affect his life moving forward.

    I'm sorry that your heart is on the line, but if this man would truly like to parent his child, I think you'd agree that he should be given the opportunity to step up and do so.  In the meantime, you are all tied up in knots, wondering if this will be your child or not, and I know how difficult that is.

    Unfortunately there are no words that can make your wait easier.  It may help to know that his concern over child support payments might be an indication that he is considering relinquishing.

    Either way, just know that we are here to support you through this trying time.

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  • fish_n_babyfish_n_baby
    Thank you captain, it is very difficult. And yes absolutely if this boy decides he does in fact want to be the father. Then we both agree we have no right to challenge him at all. I agree with you the fact that he's asking the question about child support means he's thinking about it. Thank you for understanding what I'm going through. I'm a complete mess on the inside. Not knowing is what's killing me, I can't not think about it. Maybe after Saturday if it's not going to happen, I'll be better able to start accepting the fact that he just wasn't "our" baby. Until then I can't help but think, I still have the strongest gut feeling like this is "our" baby and we will be bringing him home and thats been the hardest part. No definate closure.
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member

    imagefish_n_baby:
    Thank you for understanding what I'm going through. I'm a complete mess on the inside. Not knowing is what's killing me, I can't not think about it. Maybe after Saturday if it's not going to happen, I'll be better able to start accepting the fact that he just wasn't "our" baby. Until then I can't help but think, I still have the strongest gut feeling like this is "our" baby and we will be bringing him home and thats been the hardest part. No definate closure.

    I've been there, and the child was referred to another family.  It's why I'm so guarded this time (to the point that it's actually been kind of tough to imagine myself as being M's mother at times).  So I know exactly what you are feeling.

    I wish I could make it better.  The not knowing and waiting for someone else's decision that will affect the rest of your life is definitely the worst.  But you will get through it either way, and we are here to listen and support you.

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