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North Carolina Babies
MrsHughesNC
member
Poll: caring for your parents
MrsHughesNC
member
This is a completely un-fun poll..sorry. :-) It's been weighing on me lately...Being a grown up is no fun sometimes!
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's?
2. How do you feel about their ideas?
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Poll: caring for your parents
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's?
No idea on either account.
2. How do you feel about their ideas? I'm not sure what their ideas are but I don't plan on caring for any of them. I will care for my gma or my great gma if they need assistance but not my mom or dad or his.
We have talked about this and basically agree that the only person we will let live with us if necessary is my gma and she would never let that happen.
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? Not there yet.
I'm just going to say I have no idea about 1, 2 or 3. It's just not something we've at all discussed yet.
I think my mom is open to living in an assisted living type place, because her mom didn't and it was such a burden on her and she doesn't want to do that to us. But that's about as far as the converstations have gone, and they really aren't serious conversations. I have no idea about my dad, but I feel lucky that I have so many siblings so whatever happens won't all be on me. As far as the IL's, I really have no idea. But it will pretty much be all on DH and me, because my BIL is a loser and can't take care of himself, much less someone else. Yeah, I'm a little bitter about that
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? My parents are older, and have already stated that when the time comes they will be moving into an assisted living center somewhere nice and warm! DH father is almost 80 and in bad health and lives in a remote part of Canada, DH brother who is unemployed and has no family is currently living with him and taking care of him. We don't have too much contact w/him.
2. How do you feel about their ideas? Fine about my parents, and as far as FIL, we really have no imput because he just wants to be alone and stay where he is.
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? I hope that my children will help care for us or help us get set up in an assisted living type facility. I see how my grandparents are fighting to stay in their own homes despite being in their 90's and it is taking a toll on my parents dealing with them.
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? My IL's have not mentioned it, but I can only assume, knowing them, that they've adequately planned, and will be going to a nice assisted living facility, and would hope that we'd assist them how we could. My mother, on the other hand, expects us to come move near her, and makes it clear on a regular basis. She has also mentioned her living with us. (although she always phrases it as "us living with her" which is interesting). She says that is "just what people do" (but can't come up with an example of who "these people" are) However, she is not living near her ailing 87 y/o mother, ironically enough..but she likes to talk about how "she wishes she could".
2. How do you feel about their ideas? Of course I want to do what I can for my parents when they're old. But if she ever has to live with us, you might as well find me a good divorce lawyer. I wish I was kidding. Unfortunately, I feel bitter because I can only assume that the assumption that "we'll take care of them" was a big part of their "retirement plan." I just find that irresponsible. I hope I'm wrong and that they've made other arrangements, in addition to us caring for them how we can. When I try to bring it up, all she will do is be insulted and hurt that I dare say I wouldn't want to care for them myself. *sigh*
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? I can see us moving to a retirement type community well before we actually "need it," just for the social aspects. Maybe sometime in our early 70's even. I want my children to want to help us, but I don't want the entire burden to be on them. I want us to plan so that they won't be in a position to be financially drained by our needs. If DH is no longer living when I make that decision/change, I am capable of living independently (assuming I'm healthy), which is something that my own mother is not capable of. My dad has been waiting hand and foot on her since she was 18. But I digress.
Ok, I'm stressed out again.
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? My IL's have plans - they've got their request in on where to go, and have wills/wishes all laid out. My Dad has already passed, everything with my Mom will be left to me.
2. How do you feel about their ideas? Fine with the IL's wishes, Sweet Jesus help me with my Mother!
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? We've talked about it some, but not with much seriousness. We'd like to stay together in our own home if we can, even if we're old, insane, and really cranky
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? My parents are fine with going into an assisted living facility. My mom's mom lived with my aunt for 7 years with declining health, and my mom saw how hard it was on my aunt. She wouldn't want me (I have two siblings, but neither of them will help) to have to deal with that. But, if it was possible for me to have them live with me, I would consider it. I know nothing about what my ILs want. DH won't discuss it with them and they've never brought it up, whereas my parents had a special meeting with me to discuss everything.
2. How do you feel about their ideas? I'm fine with my parents' decisions.
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? I would like to go into assisted living, but would hope that my child/ren would visit me. I would hate to just be left there with no visitors.
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? My parents say that they would like to go to some sort of assisted living facility when they are no longer able to care for themselves.
2. How do you feel about their ideas? I'm ok with their suggestion as long as the place is reputible and takes care of them.
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? I do not want to be a burden on anyone, so I'd probably say assisted living facility for me. No clue about DH.
ditto ALL of this except i'm not an only child
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? We have not really talked about it yet, but I assume they would go into assisted living. They have saved for their retirement/future, so money should not be an issue. Plus, my grandmother was in assisted living (other grandparents died before they needed it). I have no idea what my ILs will do. They have no money saved for retirement/future so I don't know about assisted living. One of DH's aunts told him we would have to take care of them, but that is not an option for me.
2. How do you feel about their ideas? I agree my parents should go in assisted living. And DH's parents should as well. My ILs will not be living with us and we will not be assisting them financially in anyway unless we win the lottery. My ILs have not saved a dime for their future and have given any extra money they had to DH's sister, her husband and their 4 kids. Therefore I do not feel it is our responsibility to take care of them when they have been incredibly irresponsible their entire lives. DH knows I feel this way and he agrees, but I know when the time comes, it will be an issue b/c he will feel guilty.
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? Assisited living, I am not going to burden my children with taking care of me
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? They've never actually said, but I know that my parents do not want to be in a nursing home. My dad has mentioned several times that he knows we'll take good care of them one day. I hate it when they talk like that, but I know it's just reality. I have no idea about my ILs. I'd be more than willing to take them into my home.
2. How do you feel about their ideas? My parents have met my every need so I will do my very best to meet theirs when they get older. I think DH would say the same about his parents. I would need to see what my brother says as well.
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? I think an assisted living facility is a great way to ease into not being able to do everything on your own. I wouldn't mind it (if these places stay as nice as they are now and if I could afford it). Also, I'd be willing to move in with one of my children if they would take me in.
1. What do you parents expect to happen when they are no longer able to care for themselves (live with you, go to assisted living facility, etc)? What about your IL's? IL's I don't know, we haven't talked about it. My parents will live with one of the 4 children, no doubt. We would never put our parents in anything other than one of our homes!!!
2. How do you feel about their ideas? LOVE IT
3. What do you want to happen to you and DH when you're unable to care for yourselves? I would hope my children will care for us!