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Parenting after 35
So overwhelmed...advice about BF/FFing?
This is kinda gonna be a vent/rant, so bear with me...
I'm so overwhelmed right now. This is normally my busy time at work, where I get most of my OT in, but I haven't been able to because I HAVE to leave at 5pm in order to pick up Laney on time from the sitter. I can't go in early because I have to nurse her and help get her ready so DH can drop her off at the sitter. I tried bringing my work laptop home and doing some work while DH looked after Laney, but his idea of watching her and my idea of watching her are two different things - I can't get work done while he sits there with her crying and then he gets upset and brings her to me saying "She wants her mommy...". Plus - working at home cuts into my family time. My house is a mess, and it doesn't seem to bother DH a bit. He's supposed to put the laundry away (after I wash it) and do the dishes (after I cook), but both are piling up. And yet he has time to f*ck around on the computer (yes - I've broken my Lenten resolution to give up swearing). I've gotten behind on bills, not because we don't have the money but because I just forget. I've broken down these past two days in tears because I feel like I'm failing as an employee, wife and mother. When I ask DH for help, he thinks I'm nagging (maybe I need to look at how I'm asking....). When I tell him I can't do it all, he says nobody is asking me to. I have SO much respect for you single moms or moms whose DH's are away. I've started to wonder if I might have PPD (as I know it can come up to a year later) - I don't feel "depressed" but just overwhelmed and unhappy. I LOVE my little girl, but sometimes feel like it's too much.
Okay - enough of that rant. Just got a call from my regular doc that I have a slight UTI (go figure...). So, I'm going on antibiotics - and while he prescribed me something that is safe for BFing, I'm starting to think maybe I need to take this opportunity to start to transition her to formula. I absolutely HATE pumping. But - I do LOVE the bonding and closeness I have with her from nursing. I've seen where some of you still nurse just a couple times a day? For those of you that transitioned to formula after nursing quite a while, how did you do it? I tried to give her a formula bottle a couple weeks ago and she rejected it. What kind of formula did you use? I don't want to completely give up nursing, but I do want to give up pumping every day at work and maybe have DH give her at least one bottle in the evening and then I could nurse her at night and in the morning?
Sorry for the rambling....I'm just so frazzled...any suggestions are appreciated!
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Re: So overwhelmed...advice about BF/FFing?
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Carla, I am so sorry you are overwhelmed. Take a deep breath. Delaney will do fine with formula. You will prob take it worse than she will (mommy guilt). I started by pumping less and less at work. Drop a pump every few days. I still fed J at night and in the mornings for a while. About a week before I went on vacation, I stopped feeding him at night and then just before I left, I dropped the morning feed. My breasts never felt ingorged or leaked. I have to say, sometimes I miss it, but it was time for ME to formula feed.
Now on the everything else. Can you set up something w/ your sitter or DH to keep Laney one evening a week so you can get somethings done at work? I pay all of my bills online, even if they charge a stupid processing fee, bc I know myself well enough to know that I will forget to mail it. I do this twice a month. Get your DH on board to help w/ the housework, or get someone else to do it. Seriously. I have someone come in every other week and she charges $10 an hour. She is a SAHM, (hyper and a neat-freak too) and just does it to help me out. If you do feel like you have PPD, contact your dr. You have take care of you so that you can take care of Laney.
You are doing great!! You just need a bit more support. I hope you have a nice relaxing weekend and feel better soon.
So sorry you are having a rough time - I would have a serious chat with DH and just tell him you could use more help - it sounds like you are taking on too much!
I started supplementing with baby C a few weeks ago - her demand was getting to be more than my diminishing supply! I use the pre-made bottles by Similac - they come in 3 and 8 oz bottles and are great to throw in your bag when you go out. They are expensive, so I will have to switch to powder one of these days - I would like to know what everyone else uses too?
Hope things get better and sending you a big hug!
I just weaned Finn to formula. I bf'd Noah for 13 months and loved it,but with Finn, he was just much happier and more satisfied with formula. I just replaced one feeding with formula every week until he was on straight formula. He prefers the ready to feed over the powder. He will drink the powder these days but doesn't like it as much.
As far as transitioning him to formula, you can mix half breastmilk and half formula. Try warming and dipping the nipple into bm. It is the first smell of the bottle that is the most important to the baby. They say Nestle Good Start is the best formula to transition to because it is a little sweeter like breastmilk.
I am much happier these days and Finn is a different, full bellied baby. He is even gaining much more weight. I hated pumping with a passion so giving that up was wonderful. Also, as far as bonding, I seem to bond more bottle feeding because Finn stares up into my eyes when he is drinking a bottle and stared at my boob when nursing.
Good luck
Thanks, Shel - what kind of formula do you use? Did J take to it right away or did he resist at first?
I'm so sorry honey!
I'm still EBF, but it's my understanding that it's a supply and demand thing. You'll keep making as much as Laney needs. That said, she may reject the breast just because she prefers the bottle after a while.
It's a tough decision.
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The hospital started him on Similac Advanced Earlyshield while I was trying to figure out if I would be able to bf, so I have stuck with that kind. He has never had a problem taking it. His only issue was that he wanted a boob, not a bottle,. I went back to work full time when he was just over a month old, so he had to get over that real quick.
Carla -
Sorry you are going through a rough time. {{HUGS}}
Do you need the overtime money, or are you just used to working as much as you can during the busy season? Is your boss giving you a hard time for not working as many hours?
In the mornings, can you nurse DD and then pass her off to DH to get her dressed to take to the sitter so maybe you can get into work a few minutes early?
I haven't weaned yet, but I have read that the technique Shelley used is the best way for a smooth transition for you and baby. I have also read that Dragonfly's tip about mixing formula and BM helps with that transition.
You can definitely do a combination of FF and BF - supplement as much as you need with formula and BF when you can.
How do you handle your bills? Which part is the problem - do you miss them coming in, lose track of them, forget when they are due, or forget to mail them? Even if I don't go through all of the mail, I can usually find a couple of minutes to open the bills, mark the due date on the outside and stack them all in one place. Put the checkbook and stamps in that same place. If you can do it, pay all of the monthly bills at one time, so you don't have to worry about them more than once a month.
Do you use Outlook, a calendar, or some other type of planner? Set a reminder a few days before you need to send them out, and another for the day you need to send them out.
Put bills that need to be mailed on top of your purse so you will see and remember them in the morning - can you drop them in a mailbox on your way to work, or put them in your work's outgoing mail as soon as you get in? Or you could put them in with your lunch so you will see them and put them in the outgoing mail when you eat.
It sounds like DH needs to step up and help out. Did you come to the agreement together that he would wash dishes and put away laundry? If so, you need to remind of that agreement and that you did your share when you did the laundry and cooked. Can you point out that you are running out of clean underwear in your dresser and do not have time to dig through the basket for in the morning?
DH does the dinner dishes while I am nursing DD and putting her to bed. Can you point out to DH that if he does his chores while you are busy with Laney, you might actually get a few minutes to sit down together before you go to bed?
GL! Our system isn't perfect - I still feel really overwhelmed sometimes, too.
" I can't get work done while he sits there with her crying and then he gets upset and brings her to me saying "She wants her mommy..."."
Why do they do this?! Man.
Big cyber-hugs to you! It sounds so overwhelming. I'm not sure how to transition to formula, since I use pumped milk, but having just the bedtimes/nighttimes to nurse really works for us. Using bottles during the day frees up my schedule and lets DH feed her, and I no longer had to wait until she was hungry. For me, I just pump every four hours except the 4AM-ish one, and we always have at least one bottle ready in the fridge.
Good luck!
Sweetie, I really have nothing more to add to the wonderful suggestions everyone else has provided, but did want to give you a big hug!!!
I totally understand the feeling of being overwhelmed though. And if it makes you feel better I forget my bills sometimes too! I must have paid my car payment a day late like 2 months in a row. Then I finally just set it up with the bank for them to automatically pay my car payment. Maybe that is an option?
I need to find a way to tell him I need help without him interpreting it as nagging. This morning it became an argument, and while I would normally yell back - I had the baby and I don't want us yelling at each other in front of the baby so I hold it in and it turns into crying...
Amy - how much is Margaux taking per feeding? You are still on materinity leave, right? So you're pumping about 5x/day?
Let's see... I pump at 8am, 12, 4pm, then after feeding her at 8pm then midnight, so yeah, 5. The morning one I get about 10 oz, the others between 4 and 6. Margaux eats between 4-6oz per feeding right now, so I end up with a little extra every day. Early on, I was getting overwhelmed, so I used Enfamil A+ whenever I felt behind, and it let me build up my supply.
I'm still on maternity leave, so it's easier...
oh Carla, all the advice that everyone has provided is wonderful advice and I SO know how you feel about being overwhelmed.... you are definitley NOT alone. I also think about single moms and how in the world they do it ?!?!?! but then again, waiting for my DH to actually do the dishes while I could have already done them....well...ya know. I agree on hiring someone to come in every two weeks to spot clean the house, I may have to cave myself, I have come to realize that I cannot do it all, i'm exhausted and it's ok to ask for help.
)
Breathe and knw that you are a loving and wonderful mommie and that is what matters.