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NBR: What do you consider cheating?

anvloveskmeanvloveskme member
in 2nd Trimester
Weird question, I know, but I am a family law attorney and handle tons of divorce and custody matters and some of the stuff I hear is CRAZY!  Frankly, if I had to count, I would say financial troubles are a higher cause of divorce/separation than cheating in my practice.  I work in a "no fault" divorce state, and there are not many fault states left (ie - the cheating spouse can be penalized by the court).  Anyway, just thought I would ask and see what opinions are out there...
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Re: NBR: What do you consider cheating?

  • vegandyvegandy
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.
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  • jamielollarjamielollar

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This.

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  • AzraylaAzrayla member

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This.. SO looks at other girls while we're out and stuff but its glances and my mom says flirting can be okay but no touching..neither of us flirt with other people though and if he does or says anything thats hidden its wrong.. and should be wrong if he felt the need to hide it in the first place.


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  • Soon_2B_MrsMSoon_2B_MrsM
    No cheating is so wrong to me....I have never entertained the idea....I hope that my DH stays that way too!
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  • ZooBaby2010ZooBaby2010

    This.

    Plus any unthinking attention to someone outside of my relationship.  For example, a close friendship with a female, where her needs take priority over mine or my child's.  Sometimes I think men can be dense and not realize that their actions are inappropriate (happened to a friend, they're divorced now).  

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  • ZooBaby2010ZooBaby2010

    imageSoon_2B_MrsM:
    No cheating is so wrong to me....I have never entertained the idea....I hope that my DH stays that way too!

    I'm hoping I am misunderstanding this.  Are you saying it's okay to cheat or it's not acceptable?  This sounds disjointed.  

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  • niccole_eniccole_e
    My definition is contains both emotional and physical, if i ever read an email that insinuated some sort of non "friendly" relationship that is cheating. My degree of action would depend though on the degree of cheating, the email is counseling, the physical  is more grounds  for divorce in my book.
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  • wearenuttswearenutts member

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This

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  • wearenuttswearenutts member
    imageZooBaby2010:

    This.

    Plus any unthinking attention to someone outside of my relationship.  For example, a close friendship with a female, where her needs take priority over mine or my child's.  Sometimes I think men can be dense and not realize that their actions are inappropriate (happened to a friend, they're divorced now).  

    And This!

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  • 5de55de5

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    Ditto.

    And I admire you for doing Family Law, I was a paralegal at a family law firm before I went to law school and passed the bar, there is no way I could go back to that drama

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  • anvloveskmeanvloveskme member
    imageZooBaby2010:

    imageSoon_2B_MrsM:
    No cheating is so wrong to me....I have never entertained the idea....I hope that my DH stays that way too!

    I'm hoping I am misunderstanding this.  Are you saying it's okay to cheat or it's not acceptable?  This sounds disjointed.  

    Soon 2B - I think you misread the question, it is not Would you consider cheating?...but WHAT do you consider to be cheating   :o)

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  • MomE2BeMomE2Be member
    I also believe that if DH was to talk to a girl and feel the need to hide it from me it's being dishonest, and causes stress in a marriage. I am on and off about a spouse looking at porn though.. I mean, I don't think it's cheating if a man is to look at it but if he feels the need to hide the fact he is looking at it he is once again being dishonest towards his wifey. I don't think he should be able to go out and hang out with girls even if they are just friends... he'd be pissed at me if I went out and hung out with a bunch of guys that were just friends... there are so many terms to cheating. I just hope DH and I always stay honest with each other and never feel the need to hide anything from one another. I love my buddy, he better be a good honest boy! lol
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  • Dobie_MamaDobie_Mama
    Emotional or physical relationship outside of the marriage.
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  • orienaeorienae

    My definition is narrower, I believe actual cheating has to be a an action that is generally physical in nature that is usually premeditated.  Other actions can be inappropriate and unacceptable but I wouldn't call them cheating, perhaps mine is too lawyerly of a definition though! 

    My DH is the salt of the earth (his last marriage was due to her infedelity) and I have no problem if he looks, shows appreciation (usually in a funny way), or even tries to flirt (he's not very good at it).  Maybe it makes me very secure and therefore I don't have any issues with this, he is even known to have fairly long conversations with his ex-wife on the phone, he still does design work for her bakery and she baked our wedding cake (of course she calls me about various things too, ie legal advice).

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  • jessikarabbit11jessikarabbit11

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    well said....This!

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  • christiecroffordchristiecrofford member

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    I agree wholeheartedly with this. We are staying faithful in our minds as well as with our bodies.

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  • meghan_mariemeghan_marie member
    imageAzrayla:

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This.. SO looks at other girls while we're out and stuff but its glances and my mom says flirting can be okay but no touching..neither of us flirt with other people though and if he does or says anything thats hidden its wrong.. and should be wrong if he felt the need to hide it in the first place.


    This. You can look but not touch in my opinion. If you feel the need to hide your behavior from me then we have a problem. I do not care if you flirt with people, but you know when it has gone too far. If they feel like they need to hide it then something is wrong with that picture. I'm not a very jealous person so you shouldn't have to hide anything from me.

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  • jazzyexpojazzyexpo member

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    same

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  • justinlovesmejustinlovesme

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This!!  Very well said!

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  • Celtic EmberCeltic Ember member
    imageLaurLaurLaur:

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This. Sometimes I think it's easier to get past physical cheating than it is to work past emotional cheating.

     

    This.

     

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  • opheliacantswimopheliacantswim member
    imageorienae:

    My definition is narrower, I believe actual cheating has to be a an action that is generally physical in nature that is usually premeditated.  Other actions can be inappropriate and unacceptable but I wouldn't call them cheating, perhaps mine is too lawyerly of a definition though! 

    My DH is the salt of the earth (his last marriage was due to her infedelity) and I have no problem if he looks, shows appreciation (usually in a funny way), or even tries to flirt (he's not very good at it).  Maybe it makes me very secure and therefore I don't have any issues with this, he is even known to have fairly long conversations with his ex-wife on the phone, he still does design work for her bakery and she baked our wedding cake (of course she calls me about various things too, ie legal advice).

    My definition is pretty much like this one, too.  Other things can definitely be inappropriate and could require a serious discussion, but this is how I would define actual cheating.

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  • jastl32jastl32
    imagejamielollar:

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This.

    Totally agree. But...I will add...being truthful about it doesn't excuse it either.  

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  • jesslinnnjesslinnn member

    imagevegandy:
    Any deceitful behavior that someone would feel they had to hide from me...to me would be cheating.  It most definitely doesn't have to be physical.

    This. If you feel like you need to hide it, then you know you're doing something you shouldn't be.

    DH & I are very open.. I don't mind him looking. & if he says "wow that girl is really pretty" it doesn't bother me. Its not like he's saying she's so hot & wanna bone her. I tell him when I think someone is attractive.. girl or guy.

    If you see someone you think is attractive & act on it.. that's going to far & would make me mad.
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