Do you tell your 3 yr old to share?
catmw21
member
Ok, I'm just wondering...I feel like such a bad friend cause I guess I'm being judgemental.
My friend has a 3 yr old who really doesn't like to share. I'm sure most don't "like" to at this age, and it is totally age-appropriate, but when do you intervene?
We were at a party today and he was "playing" with my DD who is 1. She had a water bottle and he took it from her and was making her crawl across the room and then as soon as she would get close, he would take it and run to the other side of the room. I felt really bad for her (it was clear she was not having fun and getting upset) and wanted to say something but didn't. I just got her another water bottle and another toy to play with. I don't think he is old enough to be doing it maliciously, but his parents don't really say too much and if they do they say it, he says "no" and then they don't follow through. Honestly, I think they just don't want him to have a meltdown in front of others so they pick their battles I guess.
This isn't the first time I've seen him do this, I've seen him do it with other's kids. I'm sure I'm not being fair, but at this point, I just think that I would tell my DD to share and that it is not fun for a baby to play "keep away."
Am I being a helicopter mom? or do you think you would intervene and explain to him?
Thanks for your time.
Re: Do you tell your 3 yr old to share?
I tell my 2 yr. old to share. So I think a 3 yr. old should too. I have caught myself telling friends LO's to share in hopes that the parents would too. I watch myself as well bc I can understand that people don't like others to "discipline" their child.
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That's not about sharing - that's about being mean.
And yes - as a mother of a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old my vote is that he's fully capable of doing this out of mean spirit.
Since my 3 yr old has a younger brother we certainly deal with the exploration of being mean to elicit a response from another. It's not fun or pretty but you bet we nip it in the bud.
As for intervening? When in the situation I do speak to my friend's children if they're being cruel or mean to another child - mine or not. I wait to see how they'll handle it and if they ignore it I do suggest solutions for both/all children.
I personally would have said something along the lines of "It's DD's turn with that right now. Would you like a turn in 2 minutes?" with a big smile on my face. No one should fault you. You're not telling him no, you're telling him to wait for a turn. Perfectly acceptable.
Kids are not likely to share on their own. Granted - they do sometimes but during the hyped up energy of a party some of those fundamental socializing skills go out the window. I would hope that if I wasn't able to be on top of both of mine at the same time someone else would step in and guide the play and sharing. As a mom of 2 young ones running in 2 different directions there WILL be times when I won't be right there to correct the behavior the second it happens. I'm always grateful (and honestly embarassed) when someone else steps in to ensure a good play environment for all. After all - it takes a village to raise a child, right?
And frankly - a parent who's not willing to teach their kids not to be mean is not going to be on my play date list for long. Granted - a party situation can be out of your control to some degree but when I see things like that with no parental intervention going on during more than 1 occasion we tend to limit our exposure to those kids/families when we can.
I find parties to be particularly interesting. I'm often blown away at the number of parents who sit back and socialize and completely ignore their children. When they're a bit older I completely understand that but at this age I feel it's important to be there to guide these interactions so they're learning how to behave around peers.
It usually ends up that I'm sitting in the floor playing with all the kids while the parents are hanging out in another room drinking and socializing.
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I agree - it takes a village. But my circle of friends wouldn't think twice to intervene if it was my daughter being the "mean" one. (and yes, I also agree that he's being mean. 3 yr olds are totally capable of mean-spirited play).
You should not be afraid to stand up for your daughter. I'm not saying you should tell this little boy to knock it off. But you can definitely step in and say "dd is playing with that right now. you may have a turn next". So your goal isn't to correct his behavior but to show your daughter that it's okay to be assertive and not let people push you around just because they are bigger/brattier/etc.