disappointing negative tests

amyers0228 · February 2010

I got married in October. My husband and I had been talking about TTC and we are both ready. We have been together for 6 years and really want to be young parents.

Every time I take a test and it is negative it is so disappointing and I just want to cry. Every time my husband excitedly asks what it says and every time I say no I see the look of disappointment in his eyes too.

I see my friends having babies and I am so jealous. I just want to be a mommy too. I hope that it happens soon. It is very depressing. We are young and it is making me crazy that it hasn't happened yet.

Anyone have tips on how to make it happen??

XXXXX222 · February 2010

Sorry hon. You can't *make* it happen. It either happens or it doesn't. The best you can do is get to know your body and time sex appropriate.

LadyXaverian · February 2010

There are so so many factors involved with TTC. There is nothing you can do to make it happen, but there are things you can do to make conception more likely.

First, please consider reading the book Taking Charge of your Fertility. It will teach you about your cycle. There is so much your jr. high health teacher DIDN'T tell you.

Also, look into charting your cycle on www.fertilityfriend.com Charting isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's the only way to know for certain when and if you are ovulating/when your fertile time of the month is.

Finally, try to be patient. TTC can be a long and frustrating journey, but don't let it get the best of you. It can take a perfectly reproductively healthy couple a year to conceive. You only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each cycle.

Good luck!

mdluv21 · February 2010

You should visit fertilityfriend.com and read up about charting. You can click on any of our tickers as well.

Knowing when you are ovulating will be very helpful to TTC.

You can also get the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility if you want but fertilityfriend has great tutorials.

byrne15 · February 2010

charting, opks, cm

magnolia_femme · February 2010

Be patient. It can take a healthy couple a year to conceive. Keep in mind that there are ladies on this board who have been trying for YEARS.

Try charting and OPKs, it will help you make sure you're having sex during your fertile time.

Lurk on this board for awhile before you post, and sign up for fertilityfriend.com through one of our tickers.

GL to you and your DH.

**can anybody repost the info for newbies?**

mdluv21 · February 2010

kdodge423:
Think you are depressed now? Come over here where we have been trying for 3 years- even if just to visit for a day. That should give you this little thing called perspective.

LURK. And someone has a post for newbs. Read it.

Get some patience.

Here read this:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/31027678.aspx

JennyBee0916 · February 2010

Take the PP's advice!!

Also, do you have a reason to keep testing? Is AF late? How long have you been off BCP? Just trying to get a better understanding...BPN's can be heartbreaking...

lenfant1201 · February 2010

SarahL77:
There are so so many factors involved with TTC. There is nothing you can do to make it happen, but there are things you can do to make conception more likely.

First, please consider reading the book Taking Charge of your Fertility. It will teach you about your cycle. There is so much your jr. high health teacher DIDN'T tell you.

Also, look into charting your cycle on www.fertilityfriend.com Charting isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's the only way to know for certain when and if you are ovulating/when your fertile time of the month is.

Finally, try to be patient. TTC can be a long and frustrating journey, but don't let it get the best of you. It can take a perfectly reproductively healthy couple a year to conceive. You only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each cycle.

Good luck!

This. FF. TCOYF. Most importantly, patience. GL!

jjabs18 · February 2010

DH's cousin and her DH were TTC for 3 years. Started IF testing and everything when I asked her if she had charted her temp at all. She claimed she knew when she was O'ing but when I asked her how long her cycles were her O'ing time and AF arrival time didn't make sense.

I talked her into charting for the 2 months before their appointment with the RE. They are due August 6th. It literally was a timing issue for them...at this point she said she should have been expecting #2 if she just would have charted earlier.

GL!!!!

Mrs.Umm · February 2010

PPs gave you some good advice. I hope you follow it. You really should get to know your body so you can have the best chance possible. But also, keep in mind that you only have a 20% chance each cycle even with good timing and it can take a perfectly healthy couple up to a year. Be patient.

mchupie · February 2010

Welcome, and GL! TTC can be a frustrating process. Listen to the advice pp have given you, they are wise. Also, maybe ask your husband to stop asking you what the test results are...I'm sure he'll be able to tell when it's a BFP (you'll probably be going crazy) HTH!

LadyXaverian · February 2010

mdluv21:
kdodge423:

Think you are depressed now? Come over here where we have been trying for 3 years- even if just to visit for a day. That should give you this little thing called perspective.

LURK. And someone has a post for newbs. Read it.

Get some patience.

Here read this:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/31027678.aspx

I just added this to my siggy but don't know how to make it clicky..

ams8099 · February 2010

kdodge423:
Think you are depressed now? Come over here where we have been trying for 3 years- even if just to visit for a day. That should give you this little thing called perspective.
LURK. And someone has a post for newbs. Read it.
Get some patience.

Thanks KD. I have no patience for this asshattery today.

LadyXaverian · February 2010

kdodge423:
piecesofflare:

I don't even see how long you've been trying in this post.

So. How long have you been trying?

Well, if they started trying as soon as they got married, 5 months.

::headdesk::

Indifferent

Totally missed this fact my first time through.

OP, knowledge is power. I hope you'll take our advice and read up on your cycle/fertility.

BetchySprout · February 2010

SarahL77:
kdodge423:
piecesofflare:

I don't even see how long you've been trying in this post.

So. How long have you been trying?

Well, if they started trying as soon as they got married, 5 months.

::headdesk::

Totally missed this fact my first time through.

OP, knowledge is power. I hope you'll take our advice and read up on your cycle/fertility.

Semantics, but only 4. She posted in a post below.

gymnst1013 · February 2010

FFS, you've been trying for 4 freakin months??? Patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LadyXaverian · February 2010

ams8099:
kdodge423:

Think you are depressed now? Come over here where we have been trying for 3 years- even if just to visit for a day. That should give you this little thing called perspective.

LURK. And someone has a post for newbs. Read it.

Get some patience.

Thanks KD. I have no patience for this asshattery today.

((Hugs)) and a nice reference to KD's blog, if I do say so.

JennyBee0916 · February 2010

Pattypoundcake:
SarahL77:
kdodge423:
piecesofflare:

I don't even see how long you've been trying in this post.

So. How long have you been trying?

Well, if they started trying as soon as they got married, 5 months.

::headdesk::

Totally missed this fact my first time through.

OP, knowledge is power. I hope you'll take our advice and read up on your cycle/fertility.

Semantics, but only 4. She posted in a post below.

I just noticed your Lisa Frank pic in your siggy. I forgot all about that!! I used to LOVE all their stationary stuff when I was little! Too funny!

LadyXaverian · February 2010

gymnst1013:
FFS, you've been trying for 4 freakin months??? Patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO!!

Ok I'm going to put myself out there for criticism...

When you literally know NOTHING about your fertility... when all you know is that everyone around you seems to get pregnant immediately... when everyone and everything around you makes it seem like getting pregnant is as easy as changing your hair color... 4 months can seem like a long time.

I'm not advocating ignorance. When I came here back in October, I was so in the dark about my fertility, but thankfully, someone recommended TCOYF and I read it within days of my first post. I was shocked. Knock me over with a feather SHOCKED at some of what I read. I was flameworthy ignorant. I am thankful that I was smart enough to google my really stupid questions instead of asking here. Otherwise, I may be living over on the Nest GP with my tail between my legs lol.

I hope this OP will take the responses here as constructive instead of "brutal". I'm kind of waiting on the 'big meanies' response, but I hope I am wrong.

j_luvs_r · February 2010

SarahL77:

When you literally know NOTHING about your fertility... when all you know is that everyone around you seems to get pregnant immediately... when everyone and everything around you makes it seem like getting pregnant is as easy as changing your hair color... 4 months can seem like a long time.

I think that even when you do know about fertility, 4 months can still feel like a long time. I believe that everyone has crazy emotions about this whole process whether it be month 1 or month 36. Granted those emotions evolve throughout the process, but they are still there.

I sometimes get frustrated by someone saying that they are worried or anxious because after 3 or 4 months of trying they are still not pg, but then I try to remember how I felt when I was at that point. Guess what? It was sad and confused and anxious.

gymnst1013 · February 2010

SarahL77:
gymnst1013:
FFS, you've been trying for 4 freakin months??? Patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO!!

Ok I'm going to put myself out there for criticism...

When you literally know NOTHING about your fertility... when all you know is that everyone around you seems to get pregnant immediately... when everyone and everything around you makes it seem like getting pregnant is as easy as changing your hair color... 4 months can seem like a long time.

I'm not advocating ignorance. When I came here back in October, I was so in the dark about my fertility, but thankfully, someone recommended TCOYF and I read it within days of my first post. I was shocked. Knock me over with a feather SHOCKED at some of what I read. I was flameworthy ignorant. I am thankful that I was smart enough to google my really stupid questions instead of asking here. Otherwise, I may be living over on the Nest GP with my tail between my legs lol.

I hope this OP will take the responses here as constructive instead of "brutal". I'm kind of waiting on the 'big meanies' response, but I hope I am wrong.

Big Smile You're right. Maybe it's me that lacks the patience to deal with people like this. It just seems to me that we're such an instant gratification society any more that if people don't get what they want Right.This.Second, they freak out! It calls to mind Veruca Salt every time I read one of these "But I want a golden goose NOW daddy!!!"

staycee · February 2010

gymnst1013:
FFS, you've been trying for 4 freakin months??? Patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this ^

j_luvs_r · February 2010

kdodge423:
j_luvs_r:
SarahL77:

When you literally know NOTHING about your fertility... when all you know is that everyone around you seems to get pregnant immediately... when everyone and everything around you makes it seem like getting pregnant is as easy as changing your hair color... 4 months can seem like a long time.

I think that even when you do know about fertility, 4 months can still feel like a long time. I believe that everyone has crazy emotions about this whole process whether it be month 1 or month 36. Granted those emotions evolve throughout the process, but they are still there.

I sometimes get frustrated by someone saying that they are worried or anxious because after 3 or 4 months of trying they are still not pg, but then I try to remember how I felt when I was at that point. Guess what? It was sad and confused and anxious.

Are you going crazy or depressed? There is a world of difference between that and being a little sad and anxious. The first set should be handled by a mental health professional. The latter is set is normal.

It's not that I would ever expect people to be happy about getting a BFN because it's only been a couple months. Far from it. But it shouldn't be driving you into a depression.

I think that it can definitely feel that way in the moment (even if it isn't mean literally). But as it gets longer and longer and you look back at it, you realize that it wasn't that bad.

And actually, currently I am extremely depressed due to the loss I am experiencing right this moment. I know that my 10 months of trying compared to your 3 years is a drop in the bucket, but it still feels like fvcking hell when it culminates in this.

j_luvs_r · February 2010

kdodge423:
j_luvs_r:
I think that it can definitely feel that way in the moment (even if it isn't mean literally). But as it gets longer and longer and you look back at it, you realize that it wasn't that bad.
And actually, currently I am extremely depressed due to the loss I am experiencing right this moment. I know that my 10 months of trying compared to your 3 years is a drop in the bucket, but it still feels like fvcking hell when it culminates in this.

Oh honey, a loss is a completely different situation.

You are so condescending.

LadyXaverian · February 2010

j_luvs_r:
kdodge423:
j_luvs_r:
I think that it can definitely feel that way in the moment (even if it isn't mean literally). But as it gets longer and longer and you look back at it, you realize that it wasn't that bad.
And actually, currently I am extremely depressed due to the loss I am experiencing right this moment. I know that my 10 months of trying compared to your 3 years is a drop in the bucket, but it still feels like fvcking hell when it culminates in this.

Oh honey, a loss is a completely different situation.

You are so condescending.

((Hugs J))

I don't want to speak for Kdodge, but I think she meant "Oh honey" in an "I'm sorry for your loss" kind of way, but I could be wrong.

gymnst1013 · February 2010

SarahL77:
j_luvs_r:
kdodge423:
j_luvs_r:
I think that it can definitely feel that way in the moment (even if it isn't mean literally). But as it gets longer and longer and you look back at it, you realize that it wasn't that bad.
And actually, currently I am extremely depressed due to the loss I am experiencing right this moment. I know that my 10 months of trying compared to your 3 years is a drop in the bucket, but it still feels like fvcking hell when it culminates in this.

Oh honey, a loss is a completely different situation.

You are so condescending.

((Hugs J))

I don't want to speak for Kdodge, but I think she meant "Oh honey" in an "I'm sorry for your loss" kind of way, but I could be wrong.

Yeah, I agree with Sarah - I don't think she meant it negatively. (((hugs)))

j_luvs_r · February 2010

kdodge423:
j_luvs_r:
kdodge423:
j_luvs_r:
I think that it can definitely feel that way in the moment (even if it isn't mean literally). But as it gets longer and longer and you look back at it, you realize that it wasn't that bad.
And actually, currently I am extremely depressed due to the loss I am experiencing right this moment. I know that my 10 months of trying compared to your 3 years is a drop in the bucket, but it still feels like fvcking hell when it culminates in this.

Oh honey, a loss is a completely different situation.

You are so condescending.

Wow.

I meant with a loss it doesn't matter if you tried for one month or years- it still hurts and is a completely different hurt than trying for months or years. What you are experiencing is a completely different pain that what I have been through. I don't know what it is like, so I can't compare them. But from what I have gathered from others, it is worse. I was giving you that benefit of the doubt, not trying to make light of your situation.

Perhaps you should ask for clarification instead of assuming someone is being a biitch next time.

When you set a tone with the way you always speak to others, it is difficult for one not assume that is the tone that is being taken always. You have to admit that your internet persona (and possibly your IRL one as well) is pretty short, bitchy, and condescending. That is how I read ALL of your comments because that is what they are.

Thanks for the clarification.

ETA: Obviously, I am uber-sensitive right now, so that doesn't help.

Joyous1106 · February 2010

j_luvs_r:
When you set a tone with the way you always speak to others, it is difficult for one not assume that is the tone that is being taken always. You have to admit that your internet persona (and possibly your IRL one as well) is pretty short, bitchy, and condescending. That is how I read ALL of your comments because that is what they are.
Thanks for the clarification.
ETA: Obviously, I am uber-sensitive right now, so that doesn't help.

I'm going to agree you're uber-sensitive right now, because IMO you're pretty wrong. And pretty harsh. Loss sucks, big time, but it's not an excuse to say stuff like that. I know this because I've bitten my tongue a lot in the past 5 months.

I've been around long enough to see plenty of PnR from kd, and plenty of humor, too. It's a given that tone is harder to read on the internet, but what you're reading isn't what everyone else is getting. The short, bitchy, and condescending is generally reserved for those in need of it, at least IMO. I feel confident saying this since I've been on the receiving end of that.

LadyXaverian · February 2010

Joyous1106:
j_luvs_r:

When you set a tone with the way you always speak to others, it is difficult for one not assume that is the tone that is being taken always. You have to admit that your internet persona (and possibly your IRL one as well) is pretty short, bitchy, and condescending. That is how I read ALL of your comments because that is what they are.

Thanks for the clarification.

ETA: Obviously, I am uber-sensitive right now, so that doesn't help.

I'm going to agree you're uber-sensitive right now, because IMO you're pretty wrong. And pretty harsh. Loss sucks, big time, but it's not an excuse to say stuff like that. I know this because I've bitten my tongue a lot in the past 5 months.

I've been around long enough to see plenty of PnR from kd, and plenty of humor, too. It's a given that tone is harder to read on the internet, but what you're reading isn't what everyone else is getting. The short, bitchy, and condescending is generally reserved for those in need of it, at least IMO. I feel confident saying this since I've been on the receiving end of that.

Hmm

Going to disagree with you on both counts here.

I don't think J was harsh.. just hurting. You reponse to her makes me want to throw up.

I have NEVER seen any puppies OR rainbows from Kdodge, and I don't say that to be snarky. That's just the truth.

Starbuck5 · February 2010

Dude, I think everyone needs to relax.

We've already established that kdodge's "oh honey" was a sympathy one and not a "snapin' fingers and shaking head" one.

Leave it at that.

Joyous1106 · February 2010

SarahL77:
Going to disagree with you on both counts here.

I don't think J was harsh.. just hurting. You reponse to her makes me want to throw up.

I have NEVER seen any puppies OR rainbows from Kdodge, and I don't say that to be snarky. That's just the truth.

Feel free to vomit, I'll even hold the pail for you.

To me, she was harsh. Then again, I've probably had different experiences with kd than she has. And I didn't comment to be hurtful, maybe more of a check yourself kind of thing.

And obviously she's hurting, and I am sorry for her loss, the same I'm sorry for anyone's. You don't have to tell me the hell of losing a pregnancy, because I've been there. But to me that doesn't excuse harsh behavior towards others. I say that because I don't excuse it in myself, either.

I'm sorry you've never seen kd's softer side. She can be just as supportive and kind as anyone else on here, and I think her tolerance for bs is just lower than many other people, and she doesn't hide it (like some do, myself included).

LadyXaverian · February 2010

kdodge423:
SarahL77:
Joyous1106:
j_luvs_r:

When you set a tone with the way you always speak to others, it is difficult for one not assume that is the tone that is being taken always. You have to admit that your internet persona (and possibly your IRL one as well) is pretty short, bitchy, and condescending. That is how I read ALL of your comments because that is what they are.

Thanks for the clarification.

ETA: Obviously, I am uber-sensitive right now, so that doesn't help.

I'm going to agree you're uber-sensitive right now, because IMO you're pretty wrong. And pretty harsh. Loss sucks, big time, but it's not an excuse to say stuff like that. I know this because I've bitten my tongue a lot in the past 5 months.

I've been around long enough to see plenty of PnR from kd, and plenty of humor, too. It's a given that tone is harder to read on the internet, but what you're reading isn't what everyone else is getting. The short, bitchy, and condescending is generally reserved for those in need of it, at least IMO. I feel confident saying this since I've been on the receiving end of that.

Going to disagree with you on both counts here.

I don't think J was harsh.. just hurting. You reponse to her makes me want to throw up.

I have NEVER seen any puppies OR rainbows from Kdodge, and I don't say that to be snarky. That's just the truth.

SIlly silly newb.

There's even a badge for it. I'm sure somone has it.

LOL!! This is probably true. I probably am. (Assuming you me and not Joyous since I've been 'notified' that Joyous is an 'old reg' and I am still a 'new reg').

KD, YGPM.

Hoping this thread dies.

LadyXaverian · February 2010

Joyous1106:
SarahL77:

Going to disagree with you on both counts here.

I don't think J was harsh.. just hurting. You reponse to her makes me want to throw up.

I have NEVER seen any puppies OR rainbows from Kdodge, and I don't say that to be snarky. That's just the truth.

Feel free to vomit, I'll even hold the pail for you.

To me, she was harsh. Then again, I've probably had different experiences with kd than she has. And I didn't comment to be hurtful, maybe more of a check yourself kind of thing.

And obviously she's hurting, and I am sorry for her loss, the same I'm sorry for anyone's. You don't have to tell me the hell of losing a pregnancy, because I've been there. But to me that doesn't excuse harsh behavior towards others. I say that because I don't excuse it in myself, either.

I'm sorry you've never seen kd's softer side. She can be just as supportive and kind as anyone else on here, and I think her tolerance for bs is just lower than many other people, and she doesn't hide it (like some do, myself included).

I have absolutely seen her be kind to many people. I guess I interpreted "PnR" as an over-the-top blowing smoke up people's arses kind of thing.

I am so sorry for your loss. J is literally m/c'ing as we type, and she fully admitted she's uber-sensitive right now. I still disagree with "harsh", though I guess, like you said, it's all about how you read "tone". Since I know J personally, I am reading her responses differently than you are, I suppose.

I hope we can let this go.

amyers0228 · March 2010

What is the point of people asking questions on here to try to get advice and help if others are nasty about it. Don't answer my post if you don't have anything nice to say.

I am new to all of this and read up as much as I can. How about instead of being petty and nasty you are patient. Most people are very nice but others, NO.

Thank you to the ones who are nice and I will keep my head up and keep trying.

JosiePosy · March 2010

OP I understand that when you're first starting out, everything seems so exciting and you believe that all you have to do is have unprotected sex once and BAM you're pregnant. Anytime DH and I didn't use protection I spent the rest of my cycle freaking out. That's a lesson you'll have to learn on your own like I did.

Definitely read TCOYF and check out the FF website. There's a whole world of knowledge out there that I never knew about until last year.

DH and I just started officially trying, and now we're back on hold a few months. This TTC stuff puts you on an emotional rollercoaster from hell.

Take a breath, read up, and stick around. You'll learn a lot and you'll probably have better luck down the road. Good luck!

j_luvs_r · March 2010

JosiePosy:
OP I understand that when you're first starting out, everything seems so exciting and you believe that all you have to do is have unprotected sex once and BAM you're pregnant. Anytime DH and I didn't use protection I spent the rest of my cycle freaking out. That's a lesson you'll have to learn on your own like I did.
Definitely read TCOYF and check out the FF website. There's a whole world of knowledge out there that I never knew about until last year.
DH and I just started officially trying, and now we're back on hold a few months. This TTC stuff puts you on an emotional rollercoaster from hell.
Take a breath, read up, and stick around. You'll learn a lot and you'll probably have better luck down the road. Good luck!

This post is from a month ago...she hasn't been back since she posted it originally. She probably won't be back for another month to check.

JosiePosy · March 2010

Obviously I need my coffee yet. Thanks. Stick out tongue

ETA: Wait I'm not crazy. Her response above mine is from today right?

j_luvs_r · March 2010

JosiePosy:
Obviously I need my coffee yet. Thanks.
ETA: Wait I'm not crazy. Her response above mine is from today right?

Yup. But I don't think she has posted other than that since the 1st post! Weird.

JennyAnne022776 · March 2010

amyers0228:
What is the point of people asking questions on here to try to get advice and help if others are nasty about it. Don't answer my post if you don't have anything nice to say.

I am new to all of this and read up as much as I can. How about instead of being petty and nasty you are patient. Most people are very nice but others, NO.

Thank you to the ones who are nice and I will keep my head up and keep trying.

What is the point of asking a question and then never coming back to respond, answer questions, or thank people for any of the advice? I mean come on, you posted a month ago and never responded. That's called a post and run, and it considered to be kind of rude. Some people typed out some thoughtful, helpful responses to you.

Be thankful for the responses you got and quit telling other people where and when to post. It's a public message board and you put yourself and your lack of patience out there. We're not going to blow smoke up your asss.

amyers0228 · April 2010

I am so glad I no longer need your advice. Or actually your negative comments. I am pregnant so obviously I know a bit more than everyone thought about my fertility. I have my secret to why it worked but I am not going to put it up because I barely had a nice post to this. 4 months to me was a long time when I am only 22 years old and a newlywed. I put up my post because I thought I would get more positive support but instead I was critisized.

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