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2nd Trimester
Dog situation..flame me if I need it (loong)
Preface:
We have two Blue heelers, Dixie & Pepper. Dixie is mine, Pepp is husbands. Dixie is the VERY hyper, energetic one. Pepper is lazy, mellow, calm. They are both 11 months old.
Since becoming pregnant it is becoming harder and harder to keep Dixie entertained... She is very high energy, and very intense. If any of you know cattle dogs, they will STARE at you if they are bored, and can be destructive when out of sight. To be 100% happy, she would probably require 2-3 hours of intense exercise, which I cannot give. Why do we have her? We rescued her from a bad situation when she was a puppy, and were told she was a very mellow dog. (LOL @ that statement now) And hubby wanted her to be HIS dog. WELL, fast forward a few months and Dixie totally latched onto ME, and wouldn't budge and didn't love hubby as much as me (lol). Hubby adopted Pepper shortly after, and she is his work buddy, and they are a perfect match.
I walk her once a day, and I work full time so she is crated 8am-12pm and then 1pm to 4:30. For a breed of dog that is NOT one to be pent up, she does okay, but I KNOW it is not fair. Pepper, husbands dog, is very laid back and mellow -- But with Dixies influence, Dixie has started getting Pepper to chase the horses, and chase my landlords truck when he drives up our dirt road (we are on a farm). When Dixie is inside, Pepper has ZERO interest in any of that, and sleeps on the porch. So hubby is a little upset that Dixie is influencing Pepper to do things she normally is just too lazy to do.
A friend suggested I find her a home, and find a breed of dog that suits me better, namely a laid back retriever which is what we intended to get before Dixie. I found a man who has a huge ranch home, will keep her as an inside dog and baby her, and also have her out working his livestock during the day..Sounds REALLY good. However, can I justify re-homing a dog that is obviously a poor match, and ontop of it adopting a different dog?
I really don't think I made a wise choice in getting a Blue heeler, and while I want to believe "dogs are for life", I keep thinking how challenging it will be having THESE sort of breed traits, and now our baby and I want the house to be comfortable, relaxed.. Not tense, worrying about exercising a neurotic cattle dog inbetween breastfeeding, ya know? I'd like to be able to play ball with the dog, take it on a walk, and then have the dog settle in the house with me. She does nip, and herds things - something that would be really cruel to try removing from her, since its part of what she IS. My friend said I need to find a nice mellow, laid back Golden retriever as I intended, one that will be comfortable just sleeping while I am at work, and then satisifed going on a long walk and playing ball. Things Dixie has trouble accepting. NOT having a dog is upsetting to me, since husband is gone 90% of the time and I am home alone, so I want to have a dog with me, and eventually with me and baby. We live in the country so it is nice to have.
Am I a horrible person? Should I keep this dog and work thru it through thick and thin, or accept that maybe I am not the type of person to own a cattle dog? On the plus side, Dixie is a VERY loyal, tender dog. She probably would be very gentle with a newborn, and follow me around the house while I care for the baby...and try her best to be "good", I just worry about the little outbursts of herding behavior she gets when she is not properly exercised. And lack of exercise is inevitible since I don't think I am going to be able to do the several hours of intense working. She's just very intense, and not very "relaxed" to be around.
Help!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dog situation..flame me if I need it (loong)
Coming from someone who has a high energy (American Bulldog/Pit Bull) foster dog in her possession after people have returned him for being high energy, you would expect me to say that you're a horrible person for wanting to re-home her. I don't think this is necessarily the case, if you do it correctly.
IMO, dogs ARE for life, but I can understand your position. However, adopting another dog after you adopt Dixie out would require me to flame you. I'm sorry, but if you don't have the energy for Dixie, it doesn't get much better with a retriever. (Unless said retriever is a much older dog) That breed is known to take years to come out of the puppy stage, unless you are willing to devote a great amount of time and attention into behavioral classes and training. Even then though....
Rehome Dixie if you think it is best. DO NOT adopt another dog.
If you have found a good home for the dog, than fine. Just make sure he is really going to have her inside and get her Vet care. We have a farm and a lot of the people around it do not do basic vet care, so the dogs don't live all that long.
IMO would be irresponsible to get another dog until you know what it is like having the baby.
IMO, if you found someone that will take her in and care for her and she'll get the exercise she needs, that's great! I think as long as you're giving her to a good home instead of taking her to a pound, then it should be fine. Personally, I wouldn't want a dog that has that much built up energy around a newborn child of mine.
Edit: Also, retrivers are VERY hyper and require a TON of exercise and play time, even when they're not puppies anymore. I wouldn't advise getting a retriver if you can't keep the one you have because of how energetic she is.
I only think dogs are for life in most situations, but not all. I believe that the health and happiness of everyone involved... the humans and animal... would be better met if you found her a new home.
You didn't get the dog with the intentions of any of this happening... you had every hope that you would have this dog for her life.. but unforseen things happen. I think it would be irresponsible for you to KEEP the dog, and giving the dog to a home better suited for her would be the responsible choice.
Do you have a dog park anywhere near you?
I adopted a dog a few years back and I was so discouraged after I got him because he had way more energy than I knew how to handle. However, once I started taking him to the dog park once or twice a week, he turned into a completely different dog. For the rest of the day he would be exhausted. For the rest of the week he wouldn't be restless.
It does take effort, cause I work alot and on wierd schedules, and the dog park is two towns over. But it was worth it because he started behaving, stopped destroying my house and making me crazy.
I am not normally the one to be in this sort of spot.... I also used to foster dogs, so this is why this is such a moral dilemma for me.
I fostered a Golden retriever a year ago who was rescued from a river, and his personality is always in my head when I think of Goldens, and that is why I thought to adopt one. He was under a year old and a DOLL - perfect gentleman, mellow, although he chewed! Which I know is common for retrievers. I know retrievers are a totally different ball game, energetic as puppies, but NOTHING like Heelers. Dixie @ 4 weeks old (no joke) was a snarling puppy who attacked tennis balls like they were pieces of meat... LOL
I hate the idea of not having a dog in my position, always alone, and I get super lonely. I've had dogs my WHOLE life, and normally had 1-2 fosters from a rescue I was helping at the same time! So, dogless just seems not an option.
But, meanwhile, I'm over my head with Dixie. I think. It's SO hard to say, because I have no idea what a NEW BABY will bring. My husband says stop trying so hard to adjust to Dixie because I will kill myself trying right now (being pregnant, I'm already overwhelmed LOL)....Keep her, let her age some, and eventually she will just adjust to us better with some maturity. Afterall, we are the ONLY home she's known so she's happy because she knows no different. I feel a little sentimental about that, and the idea of her being the dog I had when I became pregnant, it would be nice to keep her and let her be the dog I keep while my baby is growing up.
Sorry if I'm rambling.
This! My sister's 3.5 y.o. retriever is very high energy and playful and never seems to relax when people are home. And she's calmed down since her puppy stage! I know all dogs are different, but seriously consider what you're getting in to before making another commitment you can't keep.
No
We live in a very rural town. I need to walk her regularly (more than I do) but aside from that theres not much else we can do in this town. And when I work full time, it is hard coming home and JUST exercising a dog when I have a TON to do, I kind of try to do it all at once (like, I let her in with me and toss the ball every few minutes while doing laundry!)
I know they can get pretty riled up/opinionated at times but if you're sincerely looking for alternatives to rehoming, please, please, please try posting about this on the Nest's Pets board if you haven't already. The girls there really do know a thing or two & can give you some very helpful information on how to make this work for your family & allow you to keep your dogs.
My first advice is to google NILIF (Nothing In Life Is Free) & implement that right away. It can help with a lot of issues & can make your life much easier.
I also suggest checking out PittieBoo's blog: https://www.babiesandbeasts.blogspot.com/ .She has a wealth of info there on how to prepare dogs for baby.
Good luck & I hope you can find a way to make it work!
ITA. I've dealt with a VERY high-energy dog (Am Staff/Boxer/Shar Pei mix), and I have a hard time flaming you for realizing it's not for you. Granted, I would have made it work (she passed away) but I can't blame you for having doubts, personally, because I had my moments. I think doggy daycare or a dog walker who will run her or play ball with her would be the best option.
And I also totally agree that if you do rehome, no more dogs, at least until you're done having kids and through all those transitions and able to commit to some pretty intense training. And, IMO, it's penance for rehoming a dog you committed to and reneged on.
I will see about reposting this on the pet section, too. I just thought other pregnant women might relate. I'm just really frusterated, and nervous.. Coming baby, and I haven't a clue what to think about our CURRENT babies (the dogs) lol
Thanks for the honesty. I'm not trying to avoid flames, if I NEED it, flame away... maybe I am being unfair to Dixie, or the family somehow.
We have no options for doggy daycare.. I live probably 50+ miles from the nearest one, AND we are pretty rural so theres no way to find a dog walker. We live in the country, so its just us.. and woods.. And a tiny, tiny town. The most I could do is obedience class, which is about 45 minutes away.
Edit: Your lab in your signature made me think of how things are in summertime.. In the summer, we are a bit more active, we go camping on weekends, take the dogs swimming every weekend, etc. So I wonder if I'm just having serious winter blues. :P Next summer we will have a baby though, so I wonder how much camping we can get in if ANY.. (can you camp with a baby? LOL)
Thanks. That sounds like our Dixie. We wanted to attempt leaving her out, so that crating is not so frequent and try to gain some trust in her, but she still chews things if left out too long. She has a thing for socks! It would be nice if she COULD eventually be trusted out, but I don't know if not crating any herding dog is a good thing :
Thanks for you're honesty.
I don't know if I missed it but would you be rehoming both dogs or just Dixie?
I'd say, give Dixie to the people who can give her what she needs, keep Pepper who has great energy and is what you're looking for, and do not get another dog until your child is older and you have settled into life with a child.
I had goldens growing up. Our first was a saint, our second was a terror that went back to the breeder after 2 weeks (way too aggressive with little kids) and our third was just dumb and crazy. He ended up going to a family that had a farm and he would herd their sheep.
One good experience with a breed does not mean you can recreate that experience with any dog of that breed. I mean, it sounds like Dixie and Pepper are like night and day and they are the same breed. That can happen with any dog.
Are you a horrible person- no. But I do find it highly irresponsible to not fully research a dog breed before you get a dog or to not KNOW you can meet a dogs needs before you adopt one. Sounds like you found a good home for the dog, so good.
But you should definitely not get another dog right now. At all. First of all, you can't even handle the one you have. Secondly, just because a breed is known to be mellow it doesn't mean EVERY dog of that breed is mellow. And puppies are never mellow until about age 2-3. You should just make your decision about whether or not to rehome the dog & then focus on your baby until you 100% know you can add a dog into the mix & be 100% committed to the dog.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
It's not just about YOU though- it's about you, your H, the baby AND the dog. If you are not 100% sure you can meet another dog's needs then you shouldn't get one just because you are lonely & you like dogs. Know what I mean? And there is no way you can be 100% sure about any of that until you have this baby, acclimate to being a mom & then can make an informed decision.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
Oh, I understand. I've always had dogs and I love having them around. I can't imagine my life without them. Bacon (my foster dog) has been returned to me twice. Once from my brother who wanted him, but then realized that he doesn't have patience for a dog, and another from this couple that took him, kept me updated on him but then gave him back because he had blood in his stool and left me with the vet bill. (They told me that they gave him a real cow bone. Well no shiiit, he started pooping blood! Vet says it's bacteria, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they're trashy a$$es caused it from the cow bone from the freakin' butcher. Grrr. Can you tell I'm still bitter? haha)
Anyway, rehoming Dixie seems to be what is best for your family. There is no flaming intended there. You have recognized what it best for her too, and if she can go to a home with lots of room to run and someone who ISN'T having a newborn soon then that will work out better for her in the long run.
So, it's clear that you want to have a dog. Have you considered adopting an older dog? I adopted my chocolate lab (in siggy) at 3 years old. He is an ANGEL! I couldn't ask for a better companion. I'm sad that I missed out on seeing him as a fluffy little puppy, but that only lasts for so long. There are so many dogs in shelters and in foster care (as you know!) that need loving homes, that may be a lot lower energy than Dixie. The only thing I would worry about is having a baby around a dog that you've only had a few months, and being unsure as to how they would react.
I would NOT adopt another dog right now. Retrievers can be extremely hyper and energentic. You may have had a mellow retriever in the past, but they're not all like that (just look at the two dogs you have now -- same breed, but much different dogs). I would wait until after the baby comes to consider adopting a new dog.
I'm heartbroken when I hear that people who work full-time and have dogs just stick them in a crate and walk away for eight hours. We have trained our dog from the day we brought her home and feel it's cruel to leave a dog caged up for an entire day because of laziness. How would you feel if someone put a fence around you, took away your water and told you that you can't even get up to go potty. People who cannot take the time to train their pets and treat them right, should not have them. If you feel that she is too much for you to handle, do her and yourself a favor and give her to a home with people who want her and can take care of all of her needs. I think you are selfish for having a dog because you are home alone 90% of the time. And if you live in the country, why can't you get a fenced in yard for her to run/play in? Our dog is high maintenance and will require a lot of extra time and care when baby arrives, but I would never solve it by crating her and getting rid of her beacuse it's hard. You need to adjust your life to your animals if you want them, they do just fine with proper care and handling.
I hear you on the winter blues. Duffy weighs 5 pounds more! We still go on walks, but he has bursitis, so I don't run him on ice--too dangerous. In the summer, it's tons of ball outside, sailing, long hikes, etc.
Honestly, you know what's best. II don't always agree with the every dog is a forever dog mentality--if you know for absolute sure you're in over your head and failing the dog, it's best to admit it and figure something out that truly is for the best of the dog. In your case, it sounds like you actually do have a great option lined up. I'm not for rehoming in a general sense at all (especially because most of it is done by lazy jerks who just don't put in the work) but it's also clear that's not the case here.
What about a dog run with a dog house? My family had one for our dog and it worked wonders.
Having said that, I think sometimes it is selfish to keep a dog when you can't do everything for that dog. When I here about people jumping through hoops to try to make the situation work but in the end it still isn't fair to the dog....well, all they are trying to do is either make themselves feel better for not rehoming the dog or they are just selfish because they want to keep the pet even when it's not in their best interest. It is good to hear someone really put the dog's best interests first.
I would say that you should not get another dog at this time. You have a dog, you don't need two dogs. Enjoy your baby, see what your new life brings and then reassess after an appropriate period of time and when it would be appropriate to get your child a pet.
I have a three year old, two herding dogs, three rabbits AND three cats--OY!
Had I had no animals BEFORE I got pregnant with number one there would be no way in heck that I would have this many creatures in my home
That being said-my husband I made "our bed" and now we must lie in it-
My dogs were young very crazy, untrained rescue dogs--who are still untrained
but as they age are not as crazy--they NEEDED, I mean NEEDED 2 hours of hard play to even sort of relax--and I worked full-time as did my husband so that was very difficult to do-but we did it-then when our daughter came it was very difficult-the cats and rabbits were "easy" but the dogs took up so much time that they were lucky that they even got fed in those first weeks--we bit the bullet and hired a walker because it was not fair. You must have someone near you, a teen, a neighbor etc. who can walk Dixie a few times a week for you while you transition no? If not you slap the baby in a carrier and walk your dog-it will be summer, it will be great for you, the baby and the dog to get out and get some exercise...
With age she will relax and with time you will become used to your new routine and adjust as needed...
I know have baby number two on the way--same amount of animals-now we are adding another human--its going to get crazier but we took them all in-as did you-so we need to make it work...
So keep her-find someone to help you walk her (what about hubby can't he walk her once in a while?) if not invest in a carrier (strollers are way to cumbersome I think when walking a dog) and just walk her--it will do everyone good! Herding dogs are the best in the world.....I think you can handle it!!
What you need is a treadmill. You can exercise the dog on that in addition to your daily walk. Also with your walk, put a vest on him/her with some water bottles to add weight. Make him/her think that s/he's working.
If you can't do these things then yes, find a decent home for the dog. I know you said that you didn't want to be dogless... but don't you have another dog? The one that has befriended your DH? Why not just love one dog until you have settled with your baby?
I believe that pets are not disposable. They are a part of my family. I encourage you to find a way to make it work. He is only 11 months, he is still a wild puppy.
Well, a dog run would not work....If she's kept here, she is a member of the family, not an outside dog. SO, putting her in a kennel for any period of time really won't work and probably make me feel worse. She loves her crate, so when I'm not home, she's atleast crated in the house, AND we have sort of been working on adjusting her to having more access to house (i now leave her loose at NIGHT, to test her and see if she will chew/have accidents, etc)
I REALLY doubt I could find anyone! And not trying to sound like I am trying to weasle out of the problem, either. We just live in a pretty rural area, people here leave their dogs loose to get hit or run over, no one really believes in spaying/neutering, muchless a dog walker. lol. It's sad, but mostly true. I could walk her more myself, and then when baby comes it would be good for ALL of us. I will be home with baby probably 3+ months, so it would be good having a reason to get outside.
Hubby works out of state, so no he's never home to help with walking. He will be home when baby gets here, but for now, nope.
I know herding dogs make the best sort of dogs, they are so loyal and insistent on pleasing you..
Hubby takes Pepper. He works out of state, so when he's gone, most of the time she's gone too.
I don't have room for a treadmill (what room we DO have is being reserved for baby stuff!).
I REALLY want one though, LOL The weight/water bottles idea is not bad... especially for a Heeler.. they are some very strong dogs!
We had a 4 yr old Bloodhound last year, at our old house....she got shot in our own yard by a neighbor (hence why we moved). It was REALLY sad, and I think our grief is what led us to get the two Heelers at once, we were trying hard to replace our BABY
I think I am riddled with a little disappointment, because I still think about the dog we lost, and how wonderful, quiet, and mellow she was and how good she'd have been with our baby.
Ok so I know you love dogs & you are in over your head with Dixie.
I think it is best to re-home her, that place sounds like they'll give her what she needs. I know you are lonely w/o DH and want another dog. But getting another dog sounds kind of hippo-critical, so I would suggest that if you really want the companionship of an animal, get a Cat. My cat was wonderful and still is wonderful with DS. They like to play when you can play with them can entertain themselves when you can't play with them, and are considerably low maintenance. My DH is away from home a lot and the cat always has kept me company, he is about to turn 13 years old.
We will get a dog, after we are done having kids and I an devote time just to the dog! A dog is like a child, it needs lots of love & attention from it's person!
I agree with this! I have two labs. They are 1.5 and almost 2.5 and they are still not out of the puppy stage!!!!! I do get overwhelmed sometimes because of all their energy but then I have to remember it was my decision to get them and it is my responsibility to take care of them one way or another.
Good luck with whatever you decide!!
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
BTW I love your middle dog, is s/he a Swiss mountain dog?
He would build run.. It's just that, I am not 100% sure I believe in using them, my dogs have never been let outside to live, or anything like that. We have a backyard thats remote fenced, AND 50 acres, so we have plenty of "running space", so a kennel isn't really necessary..
I've thought about using one JUST for when I am at work so Dixie can have outdoor time when the weather is nice. BUT I am terrified of her digging out or something.
Not sure if I'm too late for you to get this but I wanted to tell you one last thing. My father in law is a vet and he said (my)Dixie probably has seperation anxiety when we leave her so she tears stuff up. So he said to buy a kong and put some peanut butter in it and let her start licking it then leave so her focus is on somethign other than us leaving her. It has worked like a charm. Not sure if you are past the point of hope but just a thought. Good luck
I think an 11 month old dog is going to be hyper, regardless of the breed. (Although I guess Pepper is a bit of an exception.)
I would suggest some positive training techniques for you and your dog. We did clicker training with Stella, and it has helped a lot. Hugo is our really hyper dog. He's had to adapt to fewer walks with all of the crazy snow. He is almost 3 now, so he's handling it okay. Last year though, he ate furniture! I think Dixie needs some time.
I agree with PP who said that if you do give up Dixie, you should NOT get another dog. I'm sorry, but it seems really selfish of you. You say you are lonely without a dog, but that makes it seem like you are only looking out for your happiness, not the dog's. Getting a new dog at a time like this would not be easy for you, nor would it be fair to the dogs.