can i judge a bit

janinekrause · February 2010

We went out with friends, DD and their DD who is 3 years old for dinner. After 5 mins, they busted out their mini DVD player for her so she could watch a movie and be entertained.

Me and DH don't get it. I would NEVER let my child watch a DVD in a restaurant. She will learn to interact and hang out and if she can't, we won't bring her to dinner. Right now she is wonderful in restaurants but who knows if it will last. Granted, we interact with her a lot and it is hard to have a real conversation but to me that just equals being a parent.

I will do crayons maybe but anything else to me is just silly.

If I want a meal where I can act if she isn't there, I will hire a babysitter.

PMJacobsen · February 2010

ya know, i used to say never never never to things like this. and in this case, absolutely not.

however, i have a few friends with children with special needs and sometimes they have to do things like this in order to keep the child focused in pubic restaraunts or other public venues. so unless i know the persons situation personally (which you do here) i don't really say "never" anymore...

Amya · February 2010

Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.

beachlovinbride · February 2010

I whip out my iphone whenever we go out so ds can watch caillou. He is 19mos old, his idea of interaction at this age and probably at 3yrs will be climbing on the table and playing w/the sugar packets.

If it gives me a few minutes to eat my dinner I am all for it. To each is own.

punkfiction_v.3 · February 2010

huh? you don't know their kid at all. perhaps they know that they need to pre-empt their 3 year old from being bored - or it all goes downhill. maybe it was getting close to her bedtime? you sound like an asshoIe friend

janinekrause · February 2010

Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.

Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.

punkfiction_v.3 · February 2010

janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.

lol how annoying. i really hope i never get to the point where "most" of the meal is spent talking to kids when i go out with friends.

naturelle25 · February 2010

punkfiction_v.3:
huh? you don't know their kid at all. perhaps they know that they need to pre-empt their 3 year old from being bored - or it all goes downhill. maybe it was getting close to her bedtime? you sound like an asshoIe friend

If the kid can't handle a meal out at a restaurant, the parents shouldn't take the child out until he/she is ready, especially if it his near his/her bedtime. Your last statement is ridiculous.

arizonamama · February 2010

Maybe they only did that because they wanted to be able to enjoy an evening with you and keep their DD entertained?

Skipperg82 · February 2010

Never say never....

But I hope and plan I won't ever have to do this when DS is three. When we were that age, we were expected to act appropriately, and if we didn't we went home. Hoping to do the same with DS but you just never know...

Fordlor · February 2010

Never say never. Seriously, you don't have a three year old- yet. Why don't you save your judgement for when you actually have to to go through it yourself?

janinekrause · February 2010

punkfiction_v.3:
huh? you don't know their kid at all. perhaps they know that they need to pre-empt their 3 year old from being bored - or it all goes downhill. maybe it was getting close to her bedtime? you sound like an asshoIe friend

I do know her and spend time with her. She is awesome and fun and will talk to you. I don't think I am an *** friend- maybe I judged too much but it seemed lazy to me. I think it would be different if she got fidgety after a bit than after 5 mins of being there.

I'm just different I guess and feel that way about restaurants. It wasn't a special occasion, we could have ordered in or cooked instead if she can't be in a restaurant.

And I do remember clearly when I was not a parent being annoyed as hell listening to a video playing next to my ear at the table next to me. Not fair to other people.

brandonsfuturewife07 · February 2010

that kid is giong to grow up to be a brat. gosh, what was life like before portable dvd players?

janinekrause · February 2010

Fordlor:
Never say never. Seriously, you don't have a three year old- yet. Why don't you save your judgement for when you actually have to to go through it yourself?

I don't say never to most things at all. Just one of those things I feel strongly about. Why should a table next to me have to watch my kid's video because I have to go out?

Ciconrad · February 2010

I have to say that I LOL when I see posts like this. You clearly have a kid who does well at a restaurant and can be entertained by your taking to her and crayons with all the stimulation around. Not everyone is so lucky and you clearly don't have any idea what that is like. My DS is crazy when we go out because he wants to get up and check out everything going on around him - crayons and me talking to him isn't going to cut it. We don't go out to eat with him much but sometimes we have to. I don't do a DVD because he would just want to take the DVD in and out and mess with the buttons, but if kept him quiet through a meal every once and awhile, you bet I would do it.

naturelle25 · February 2010

I really hate it when people say as a parent you should never say "I will never..." You can make whatever decision you want to make and if you are serious about enforcing it, then yes, I believe you can say "I will never..."

janinekrause · February 2010

punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.
lol how annoying. i really hope i never get to the point where "most" of the meal is spent talking to kids when i go out with friends.

we talked to them too but between feeding her and talking to her, no, i can't have a full conversation. I am ok with it- to me price of being a parent. Babysitter when I want a real night out!

Brit&Nate · February 2010

Then I guess you can judge me too. If we're out and dinner is taking a long time, I have no problem pulling out the iPhone and letting DD watch Little Einstein's. If it's between that or disrupting someone else's meal, then I chose TV. Judge away.

Ciconrad · February 2010

janinekrause:
Fordlor:

Never say never. Seriously, you don't have a three year old- yet. Why don't you save your judgement for when you actually have to to go through it yourself?

I don't say never to most things at all. Just one of those things I feel strongly about. Why should a table next to me have to watch my kid's video because I have to go out?

Unless they had it on a crazy loud volume or you went to Morton's for dinner, I doubt this was highly annoying to another table. You know what's more annoying? A fussing, bored toddler who lets the whole restaurant know they are unhappy.

anna7602 · February 2010

I think it's easy enough to either have dinner with friends at home or get a sitter or plan to have a meal at a different time of day if your child can't be taken to dinner without having to watch a DVD through the entire meal. I have never, ever, ever seen someone fire up a DVD player in a restaurant. On a plane, yes, or a long train ride, or during a ridiculously boring meeting when a babysitter couldn't be found but attendance by the parents was mandatory, yes, and I can see its value in these situations. but at a dinner at a restaurant? If their child can't deal with being at a restaurant, it would have made sense for them to make alternate plans with you.

punkfiction_v.3 · February 2010

janinekrause:
punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.
lol how annoying. i really hope i never get to the point where "most" of the meal is spent talking to kids when i go out with friends.
we talked to them too but between feeding her and talking to her, no, i can't have a full conversation. I am ok with it- to me price of being a parent. Babysitter when I want a real night out!

thats ridiculous.

*blondiem* · February 2010

naturelle25:
I really hate it when people say as a parent you should never say "I will never..." You can make whatever decision you want to make and if you are serious about enforcing it, then yes, I believe you can say "I will never..."

I agree w/ this....

to an extent.

I think until you have been there, and you know exactly what makes your child tick, that you can't make these assumptions. Yet.

Example: I swore off Yo Gabba Gabba a long time ago. I told DH that we would never let Charlie watch it, ever. One day, he caught one song about not giving up, and it was over from there. The only thing that will make my child smile, in the middle of a crazy meltdown, is YGG. I use it to my advantage whenever possible.

This might be one of those "pick your battles" things for this family. So what?? Let em' do what they want. Judge all you want, but I might just reserve a 'just wait' for this one....

[Deleted User] · February 2010

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Skipperg82 · February 2010

naturelle25:
I really hate it when people say as a parent you should never say "I will never..." You can make whatever decision you want to make and if you are serious about enforcing it, then yes, I believe you can say "I will never..."

I get what you're saying and I agree to an extent, but there have been situations where you just have to give in...maybe this was the first time they did it just because they wanted to have a quiet dinner for once?

I say this because I never thought I would put on Baby Einstein for DS or let him watch TV ever - on our 10 hr flight home from the mainland (where I was alone with DS), you bet your a$$ I had that DVD player on for half of it so I could get some peace and quiet. Never thought I would be that parent, but sometimes you just have to give in.

janinekrause · February 2010

Brit&Nate:
Then I guess you can judge me too. If we're out and dinner is taking a long time, I have no problem pulling out the iPhone and letting DD watch Little Einstein's. If it's between that or disrupting someone else's meal, then I chose TV. Judge away.

I think my comment came off too strong. I know them and it made me sad because they just wanted her to be quiet and not have to deal with her. It was in the first 5 mins, she wasn't fidgety, she is an easy going kid, etc.

iPhone still different to me than a portable DVD player on table.

*blondiem* · February 2010

janinekrause:
Brit&Nate:
Then I guess you can judge me too. If we're out and dinner is taking a long time, I have no problem pulling out the iPhone and letting DD watch Little Einstein's. If it's between that or disrupting someone else's meal, then I chose TV. Judge away.
I think my comment came off too strong. I know them and it made me sad because they just wanted her to be quiet and not have to deal with her. It was in the first 5 mins, she wasn't fidgety, she is an easy going kid, etc.
iPhone still different to me than a portable DVD player on table.

HOW???

My iPhone can play movies, just like a DVD player can. It's not any different IMO.

Chloe77 · February 2010

I would not do this, either. I'm with you, OP.

Ciconrad · February 2010

anna7602:
I think it's easy enough to either have dinner with friends at home or get a sitter or plan to have a meal at a different time of day if your child can't be taken to dinner without having to watch a DVD through the entire meal. I have never, ever, ever seen someone fire up a DVD player in a restaurant. On a plane, yes, or a long train ride, or during a ridiculously boring meeting when a babysitter couldn't be found but attendance by the parents was mandatory, yes, and I can see its value in these situations. but at a dinner at a restaurant? If their child can't deal with being at a restaurant, it would have made sense for them to make alternate plans with you.

That's all well and good and 98% that is exactly what we do with my DS, who does not do well at restaurants. However, I find the same people who get all judgey about my kid's inability to sit still at a restaurant are the same people who get all judgey about me not wanting to take DS out and make comments like "They have to learn how to behave at a restaurant at some point".

janinekrause · February 2010

punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.
lol how annoying. i really hope i never get to the point where "most" of the meal is spent talking to kids when i go out with friends.
we talked to them too but between feeding her and talking to her, no, i can't have a full conversation. I am ok with it- to me price of being a parent. Babysitter when I want a real night out!
thats ridiculous.

Maybe to you. I go out with some friends to see their kids and them. If we all talk and I talk to their kid, and they talk to mine, part of hanging out as a family. It is ONE hour of my life. They came over after and we spent hours talking.

I don't expect to be able to have a full conversation until she is a little older. at 14 months, oh well, no can do when she is around.

punkfiction_v.3 · February 2010

janinekrause:
punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.
lol how annoying. i really hope i never get to the point where "most" of the meal is spent talking to kids when i go out with friends.
we talked to them too but between feeding her and talking to her, no, i can't have a full conversation. I am ok with it- to me price of being a parent. Babysitter when I want a real night out!
thats ridiculous.
Maybe to you. I go out with some friends to see their kids and them. If we all talk and I talk to their kid, and they talk to mine, part of hanging out as a family. It is ONE hour of my life. They came over after and we spent hours talking.
I don't expect to be able to have a full conversation until she is a little older. at 14 months, oh well, no can do when she is around.

no i agree with you that its fun for everyone to talk to everyone - including kids. but that you can't have a full conversation while your child is around?! come on...

janinekrause · February 2010

*blondiem*:
janinekrause:
Brit&Nate:
Then I guess you can judge me too. If we're out and dinner is taking a long time, I have no problem pulling out the iPhone and letting DD watch Little Einstein's. If it's between that or disrupting someone else's meal, then I chose TV. Judge away.
I think my comment came off too strong. I know them and it made me sad because they just wanted her to be quiet and not have to deal with her. It was in the first 5 mins, she wasn't fidgety, she is an easy going kid, etc.
iPhone still different to me than a portable DVD player on table.
HOW???
My iPhone can play movies, just like a DVD player can. It's not any different IMO.

Is it as loud? i don't have an iphone so clueless. I took it more as when my DD plays with my phone. Guess it is the same.

CelticWife · February 2010

I have seen this a lot lately and I find myself judging this as well. A neighbor of mine does this all the time, and when I asked her about it she said that it saved her money on a babysitter and her daughter just gets in the way otherwise. Sad

I will let DS have crayons when we go out, and I will always bring a toy for him, but I will never let him watch a DVD at dinner. We have family meals now and we will in the future.

mabst196 · February 2010

The HORROR! Come on now. If I could get my DD to sit still without trying to rip everything off the table and scream bloody murder to get down, I'd use one in a hot second.

beachlovinbride · February 2010

InternetExplorer:
I don't like the idea of DVD players in restaurants. Meals are about conversation and community. If a child is too young for a restaurant, then invite your friends over to eat at your house.

A DVD player, while convenient, really removes the social/interpersonal aspect of eating a meal with friends, and isn't that what it's about?

I get what you are saying, but what is the conversation w/a 3yr old going to produce? Does that mean I must eat at home until ds is able to hold a conversation? That is a bit ridiculous.

It gives me a few minutes to enjoy my meal while ds is occupied. I dont see anything wrong with that, so judge away.

janinekrause · February 2010

punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
punkfiction_v.3:
janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.
lol how annoying. i really hope i never get to the point where "most" of the meal is spent talking to kids when i go out with friends.
we talked to them too but between feeding her and talking to her, no, i can't have a full conversation. I am ok with it- to me price of being a parent. Babysitter when I want a real night out!
thats ridiculous.
Maybe to you. I go out with some friends to see their kids and them. If we all talk and I talk to their kid, and they talk to mine, part of hanging out as a family. It is ONE hour of my life. They came over after and we spent hours talking.
I don't expect to be able to have a full conversation until she is a little older. at 14 months, oh well, no can do when she is around.
no i agree with you that its fun for everyone to talk to everyone - including kids. but that you can't have a full conversation while your child is around?! come on...

At an hour long meal between ordering, feeding her, etc. Kind of but nothing real. We bulls**t but conversations get broken up constantly. If I am on the phone or friends are over with their kids with DD, totally depends. Someone falls, someone takes someone's toy, DD needs help with something, etc. You mean you can have a 20 mins conversation with someone and it doesn't get interrupted? Lucky!

honeybeez · February 2010

janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.

Then why the hell did you go out. I would not want to go out to dinner to watch someone talk to their kids while being ignored.

DelGrecoBride · February 2010

OMG! WHY didn't I think of this?!?!?! This has opened up a door of all sorts of possibilities...think of the places Brock will get to go now!

janinekrause · February 2010

honeybeez:
janinekrause:
Amya:
Maybe they just wanted to really focus on you, so they brought something along to entertain their LO.
Nope we spent most of the meal talking to our DD which we do. We warned them before we went out that we wouldn't be able to talk until after she went to bed and they came back to our house.
Then why the hell did you go out. I would not want to go out to dinner to watch someone talk to their kids while being ignored.

Because it was an hour long meal. We asked them if they wanted to join us and then come back to our house. Of course we talked to them but we constantly talk to her too. She is 14 months old. Maybe I can just sit her down, throw a plate in front of her and say good luck. I always warn people because my child is not 100% predictable. 95% of the time she is wonderful but what if she wasn't and started crying or something (happened once). One of us would have walked around with her or something.

star173 · February 2010

*blondiem*:

naturelle25:
I really hate it when people say as a parent you should never say "I will never..." You can make whatever decision you want to make and if you are serious about enforcing it, then yes, I believe you can say "I will never..."

I agree w/ this....

to an extent.

I think until you have been there, and you know exactly what makes your child tick, that you can't make these assumptions. Yet.

Example: I swore off Yo Gabba Gabba a long time ago. I told DH that we would never let Charlie watch it, ever. One day, he caught one song about not giving up, and it was over from there. The only thing that will make my child smile, in the middle of a crazy meltdown, is YGG. I use it to my advantage whenever possible.

This might be one of those "pick your battles" things for this family. So what?? Let em' do what they want. Judge all you want, but I might just reserve a 'just wait' for this one....

Blondie...we've still been able to ward of YGG, thank God! Also, I agree with your above statement.

Echowysp · February 2010

I don't know. IMO, if a child can't make it through a dinner in a restaunt without the need for a movie, the kid is too young to go out. Have dinner at home and invite your friends over.

What did people do before portable entertainment devices? Were their kids just better?

mabst196 · February 2010

Honestly, our conversations with friends during a meal out with kids still go just fine. I just multitask. Talk and make sure she is happy at the same time. It makes for an enjoyable time for all. I would never ask friends out to dinner and say we can't speak to you until after we go home and hang out. What's the point then? Just meet up with them after the kids are in bed and get a babysitter.

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