Community› The Bump Message Boards› 2nd Trimester
2nd Trimester
New Discussion

Can you tactfully say no to a shower? (long-ish)

NewlyWeds13NewlyWeds13 member
in 2nd Trimester

DH and I moved to a city about 3.5 yrs ago.  We have about 3 couples I would call good friends.   We have another 10-15 people that we work with and go to dinner with occasionally (think once every 2 or 3 months) and we go out to lunch with the one that works with us (meaning DH and I work at different locations/places, but some people are from his work, some from mine and we go to the lunch with the person who works from us seperate from the couple dinners we do every 3 monhts).

Anyways-- most of our close friends live all over the country and our families live somewhere else too. 

SIL is thowing a DH family shower.  My aunt and best friend are throwing a my family and close friends shower (in a city DH and I are flying into that we lived in for years and still consider home and likely will forever).  

Anyways-- the woman who I am closest to in new city, who happens to work with DH asked if she could throw a shower.  She would do it happy hour style on a Friday night, at her house, with a BBQ, beer, drinks, yard games, etc.... planned to invite the people at DH's work that they are friends with, plus my work friend couples, plus the 2 non-work couples that also hang out with original friend.

DH likes the idea of a BBQ to hang out with our friends, but is uncomfortable calling it a baby shower as he does not want these people to buy or bring gifts.   he is very stressed about this as he thinks it is weird and rude and would feel uncofortable.   I am kind of more neutral and figure that if the invites say a BBQ and our friend spreads the word that it a get together to wish them well on their upcoming new addition-- that those that don't want to give a gift won't, etc.

DH wants me to say no to her.  I am affraid I will offend her. 

Thoughts?

Report Reply to Post

Re: Can you tactfully say no to a shower? (long-ish)

  • IrishBrideNDIrishBrideND member
    You can ALWAYS politely decline a shower. In many cases, it is the right thing to do.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • ErinC27ErinC27
    What if you tell the friend you would love to have a BBQ welcoming the new baby but request that she tells everyone or puts on the invites that the guests presence is present enough. 
    Report Reply
  • tyke29tyke29 member
    Just don't call it a baby shower.  It is a get together (like most others) to celebrate the new baby.  Even without a shower, most friends will buy you a gift.  So just have the BBQ and enjoy time with friends. 
    Report Reply
  • ZooBaby2010ZooBaby2010
    Maybe you could call it a baby welcoming party?  I agree with the above though, just include a "no gifts" clause on the invite.  Or make it a potluck and tell people to bring food, not gifts. 
    Report Reply
  • ariel06ariel06 member

    I don't think there's anything wrong with saying no gifts (or even having people donate small gifts for a women's shelter or crisis nursery). 

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • fussbucketfussbucket
    Ditto, just ask the host to specify "no gifts" on the invite.
    Report Reply
  • babyblueize314babyblueize314

    imageErinC27:
    What if you tell the friend you would love to have a BBQ welcoming the new baby but request that she tells everyone or puts on the invites that the guests presence is present enough. 

     

    Well said!!!! 

    Report Reply
  • treala05treala05

    imageErinC27:
    What if you tell the friend you would love to have a BBQ welcoming the new baby but request that she tells everyone or puts on the invites that the guests presence is present enough. 

    This.

    Report Reply
  • BuckeyeBride200BuckeyeBride200 member

    I would feel uncomfortable declining. She obviously cares about you and DH and her feelings might get hurt.

    I would have DH field this, especially since he's the one who is uncomfortable with the gifts and it's his co-worker. He could ask the host if she'd be willing to do something scaled down, like a diaper shower.

     Last year, I had a male friend at work, and he was having his first baby. We teach on the same team. Because we work with mostly women, even the guys get baby showers. He really didn't want one, and he told us he just wasn't comfortable. Instead, we went to Applebee's (just our team) with his wife and presented him with one giant gift from his registry. It was a really nice time. We were able to show our affection for him, and he didn't have to endure an uncomfortable afternoon as a dad at a baby shower. Also, other people at work asked if he was having a shower. When we told them the situation, they understood and happily pitched in on the gift or bought their own to give to him.

     HTH!

    http://dairyfreemammaries.blogspot.com/ ~Chronicles of a MPSI Mama~
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"