Community› The Bump Message Boards› Parenting
Parenting
New Discussion

Dropoff horror. I can't take it anymore. please help.

joy143dhjoy143dh
in Parenting

(sorry it's long)

Help us. We can't do this anymore.  DH usually drops DS off at school (3x/wk) and always tells me how difficult it is.  It?s been this way for 18 months. I got a look first hand today and it really is awful.  Just horrifying.  I don't know what to do.  I actually considered quitting my job today just so we don't have to go through it anymore. 

DS is totally fine on the way to school - singing, laughing.  I talked about going to school and the day's activities the entire morning. We pull up to school and I can tell he's nervous. I give him his lunchbox to bring in, tell him how proud I am that he is such a big boy.  Explain that I'll be back after his nap to pick him up.  We get into the classroom and he immediately has a total and complete freakout...  hanging onto my leg for dear life, screaming that he wants to go home.  The other kids are all looking at him and I can tell that is scaring him too.   I stay calm, give him a hug and a kiss and tell him to have a good day and that I?ll be back later.  The teacher takes him and holds him while I leave and I can hear him screaming for me all the way out in the parking lot.   By heart broke and 5 hours later, I?m still in tears. 

Of course I called 10 minutes later and find out that he?s perfectly fine, playing with his friends and his fit only lasted about 2 minutes after I left. But I?m still torn.  The teachers all feel that this has become his ?routine? and he doesn?t know any other way to be dropped off.   I?m not sure I understand. They do not have any suggestions.  They all seem to be totally ok with it.  I?m not.  I?m sorry, maybe it?s ok and eventually he?ll grow out of it, but I?m just not ok with it.

We've tried so many things - waking up earlier to get quality time in before school; lots of praise and excitement on the way; staying with him while he settles in; leaving quickly before he can cling; bringing a toy/comfort item; going in earlier; going in later.  We?ve tried talking to him about why he gets so upset, but he?s not able to explain it to us.   I?m thinking that maybe we can arrange him to be dropped off in a private room with a teacher?s aide and then they can bring him into the classroom??  IDK. 

Any experience with this?  Will he grow out of it?  Should I try something else? WWYD?

 

image

David "BD" 2/8/07 Spencer 9/12/11
Report Reply to Post

Re: Dropoff horror. I can't take it anymore. please help.

  • REOMREOM member

    My older daughter, who just turned 3, had a friend who had the same problem. Overall, she loved school and did well there, but dropoff was horrible. The screaming, clinging, carrying on that you described.

    She and my daughter have been friends from the beginning. Her dad and my DH made plans to meet in the parking lot, so the girls could walk in together. They are always happy to see each other, and my DH is happy to meet up wtih him b/c that is the normal time he would drop her off anyway. Does he have a special friend that you could coordinate dropoff with?

    Good luck,that must be so hard :(

    DD1 12.18.06 DD2 9.18.08 DD3 EDD 5.10.2012 BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • monchichimonchichi member
    Is there any way he can have a really good snack right when you get there?  Something he really really loves?  Or, maybe a small toy if he can say goodbye without tears?
    L 7/06 E 8/07 L 6/10 imageimageimage
    Report Reply
  • eshaffereshaffer
    OMG, I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice, just ((hugs!!))  Hopefully someone here can help.
    Happy 4th birthday!
    image
    Matthew James 1/11/07
    Report Reply
  • august06momaugust06mom member

    This has been going on for 18 months? It may very well have become part of his routine, but if that was my DS, I would seriously begin looking for another daycare.

    My DS went thorugh a stage like this, so I know how heartbreaking it can be. But he only did it for around two weeks at the most -- I never could have handled it for 18 months.

    Is another daycare an option? If not, have you tried staying with him until he calms down?

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • hopefulmomhopefulmom member

    Is there a chance anyone else could drop him off besides you or your DH?  I can see where the teachers are saying it is his routine (habit) to act the way he does.  The only other thing I can think of is to ask the teachers if there is a way they can get him at the car...instead of you taking him in.  That would at least change the routine a bit.

    Report Reply
  • isabella22isabella22

    Hugs.

    First of all, you are not alone, and it is absolutely horrible!

    Second, it is likely just a phase, a difficult one, but if he is fine in 2 minutes, that is a good sign.

    DD went through a phase like this too, sobbing tears, clinging, it was awful.  It broke my heart every morning.  I realized that this phase started right after I had a couple of back-to-back work trips and she was afraid that I was going on another trip when I dropped her off (we had been using the wording 'Mommy is at work' for both regular work and trips and DD was getting confused).  So, I started telling her about how I would pick her up, what we would do that night, etc, and she was fine.

    I realize you said that you tell him what time you will pick him up, but is there anything else that he could be worried about?  Anything that happened right before the freak-outs started?

    Oh, crap, I just realized that you said it has been this way for 18 monhts (not that he has been going for 18 months).

    Well, I will leave this post in case anything sparks any help for you.  Good luck.  I know how hard it is.

    Report Reply
  • melmaxmelmax

    I'm so sorry. My dd goes to nursery school 3 days a week for 2.5 hours. She did JUST what your son did for hte first month (and still does it every once in a while). She'll be the happiest kid in the car, then cry when I leave. I too, would have to pass Ava off to the teacher so that I could physically leave. I chose to just keep at it, even though it broke my heart. She did get better though. Now, she goes fine about 80% of the time.

    I'm so sorry this is so hard for you guys, I can imagine how upsetting it is for everyone involved. REOM gave a great suggestion, maybe you could try that?  Or your new idea sounded like a good one as well.

    I wish you lots of luck that you find a way to get past this!

    Melanie ~Ava Grace 7.20.06 & Lila Jane 7.22.09~ m/c #3 6/18/08 image
    Report Reply
  • hopefulmomhopefulmom member
    Meeting a friend of his in the parking lot like the other pp suggested sounds like a great idea.  Maybe find out who he plays with a lot and then call that parent up and see if something could be worked out.  Also, a special treat when he gets there (something he really really likes) but that might be a problem with the other kids.
    Report Reply
  • joy143dhjoy143dh

    Thanks you guys. Yeah, it's been about 18 months... ever since going into Toddler 2 and now Preschool 1.  He was fine in Infant and Toddler 1. 

    DH always does the dropoffs and always tells me how awful it is, but I guess I never really gave it too much thought.  To be perfectly honest, god I feel bad about this, but sometimes I thought DH was 'doing it wrong' and would tell him he needs to wake up earlier, not rush, give him a better breakfast, etc.  Now I feel like such an a$$ for not seeing what was going on.

    Thank you for your advice.  I will definitly try your suggestions!  Fun thing to eat, toy, meeting a friend outside, and the others - all great ideas.   

    image

    David "BD" 2/8/07 Spencer 9/12/11
    Report Reply
  • Mrs.TonyMrs.Tony
    Oh Joy! That sounds so hard. Emily sometimes gives us trouble but once she is in there she is fine. Her teacher would often come over and tell her what they had planned. Since September, she is now much better but occasionally give us trouble. I arranged a playdate with one of her friends from school as I thought that would help and it seems to have helped alot actually. Is he really friendly with anyone in there?
    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • CMF1031CMF1031
    As a former daycare teacher and a Mom, I can sympathize with the heartache of this.  I had kids in my class who had a REALLY hard time separating at drop-off, but none that lasted all year!  In general, I tell the parents to do exactly what you & your DH are doing (explain that you'll be back, give a quick kiss and hand him off).  The kids are usually fine a few minutes later, once they are distracted (it's harder on the mom & dad than it is on the kid sometimes!).  But maybe your DH should try sticking around for a few minutes and see if that helps?  Let your DS pick an activity and DH could help him (color with him, help him do a puzzle, etc.) get settled for 5 minutes before he goes?  I usually tell the parents that "lingering" only makes the drop off worse, but in your case maybe it's worth a try.  GL!
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"