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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
kit443
member
Can we talk about "second child syndrome"?
kit443
member
I can't wait to have another baby (hopefully!). Sometimes I get sad though when I think about it. I know that even though it seems I could never love another as much as I love Monk - I will. That being said some things will be different:
- I won't be able to stay at home as much the first year like I am with Monk
- I am sure I won't take as many pictures
- I doubt I will work as hard to BF like I am now (time-wise there is no way I could do as much as I do now to try and keep my supply up)
Does anyone else feel this way? It really makes me sad 
Like somehow I am being unfair to the as yet non-existent second child.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can we talk about "second child syndrome"?
yes! I was able to stay home w/my son for 8 months and if I have a second I won't be able to stay more than 4months.
I want a DD now! but knowing us we will have another DS! lol
DH and I will start trying in August, but I am super sad. I really want to have another baby, but I know how crazy it is right now. I just keep on telling myself that I can make everything work.
I am also feeling guilty that I am thinking of another one while I am enjoying DD. I just love her so much I am not sure how I could love someone else. I know it is possible, but at this point it just does not seem feasible.
I know everything will be fine.
sorry to say..but everything you said are true... : (
My #2 is just 6 months and my #1 is 2 years old. I totally don't (and can't) spend as much time or pay as much attention as I would like with #2. #1 is always clingy and wants both of mom and dad's attention that unfortunately, the quieter one (#2) gets short end of the stick. I am sure when #2 starts talking and walking, then it would be a competition for attention.
I think this is an excellent way to look at it! Thank you, I don't feel as sad anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I was the second child and my sister (the oldest) swears my mom did more for me than she did for her. I think it's true, although I deny it when it comes up. LOL
I think I'll be a better mommy once I have 2. I am NOT cut out to be a working mom. Just not not not. And with 2, I'll stay home.
* With DD#1 I was able to stay home 4 months, with #2 it was 3 .... I know it was only a month difference but when they are that small, its huge.
* Its not the "not taking pictures" part I am bad about it, its the getting pictures printed part I am bad about. The first time around I was always getting them printed, now I can't find the time.
* I have convined myself I must make it atleast 10 months Bfing like I did w/#1... otherwise I would feel like I failed her somehow. This time my supply has sucked and she is not a great nurser so each day is a victory to me.
On a cute side note, DD#1 is fine w/ me BFing #2 and she occasionally will get her baby and prentend nurse it while I nurse her sissy.
Actually, I feel like, because of the circumstances surrounding DS conception (Big Fat SURPRISE), things will balance out nicely for the second child. Sure, DS will have one on one time with me, and I will probably be working part-time when I have number two instead of SAH for 3 years like I plan to with DS. I'm sure I won't be able to take as many pictures, etc, or spend as much time just snuggling with the new LO. But I will have MONEY next time. That makes a huge difference.
DH and I will both be done school, so our new LO will probably have the best of everything while most of what belongs to DS are hand me downs. Second LO will have a designer nursery, I will get pro mat pics done and pro pics done at newborn, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and a year. I will get a 3D us and buy the DVD to be able to show them. I will actually have extra health benefits so rather than being miserable because of sciatica for 9 months I will be able to get massages and chiro. And we think we will hire a (liveout) nanny for our next LO, rather than day care, so even though they won't have one on one time with us as much, they will still have plenty of personal attention.
Plus, Moses is special because he's our firstborn, but since we only plan to have two children, the second LO will be special because they are the baby. Seems fair to me!
- In some ways I am around more this time. With DD I started traveling for business 1-2 times a month when she was 4 months old. This time I've requested projects with no travel because I feel too guilty to make DH take care of both kids so much by himself.
- We don't print as many pictures, but we are pros at flickr and facebook now, and we still take lots of pictures...so the only difference is that we don't have any albums with his pictures in it. But we do take less video and DH has only edited one video so far with DS in it.
- My supply is WAY better this time. My milk came in sooner and I was actually able to cut back to 2 sessions a day at work around 6 months because 3 sessions gave me more milk than DS could drink and I already had a substantial stash. So whereas DD got occassional formula starting at 7 months, I'm pretty sure that DS will never have any...and I've pumped less this time. Awesome.
- AND, DS has built-in entertainment that DD never had. He LOVES watching her and she can make him giggle just by jumping up and down. Sure, he may not get as much one on one attention as DD got...but he's got 3 people to love him instead of just 2. It's different, but that doesn't mean it is worse. :-)
I didnt even send out birth announcements for #2. He got a cheaper crib, has hand me down clothes, and uses toys that his brother is done with. I dont take as many pictures of him. But you know what- I dont feel that sad about it. He is a happy healthy child and he LOVES his brother more than anything. I may not have as much one on one time to spend with him as I did with his brother, but he also has a playmate for life. That is more than I ever could have hoped to provide for both of them. I love them both with all of my heart and enjoy every second with them both. I try not to think of it like I took something away from either one of them but I gave them both something wonderful. They may have to share my time, but they will never share my love.
I just thought I would let you know what my experience has been with 2. I LOVE every second of it!
It's the opposite for my kids. The first was in daycare 11 hours a day, we lived in a shitthole apartment, I was a single mom, she had all used/cheap stuff/ and I barely took any pics. I was also unhappy with myself and life. It was depressing.
Everything is the opposite with #2. I feel bad, but life goes on, not everything can be equal. This is something that my parents have told me about my 4 siblings. I will never forget when my parents told me I couldnt go to the expensive camp one summer, then 5 years later they sent my two younger siblings. I was bummed, but it didn't scar me for life. FWIW, I am the 2nd kid. No pics of me either. LOL!
Have 2 at once. Dilemma solved.
Seriously though, mini Monk or Monkette will be extraordinarily loved by family. Especially by big brother!
Signed,
3 of 3
I have 2 already, and while #2 doesn't get the same undivided attention that #1 did, I think I am a way better, more relaxed mother this time around. He doesn't have me all up in his mug "stimulating" him, stressing out about his milestones, worrying about trivial stuff, etc. He is just being him, and I am just enjoying his babyhood in a way I didn't get to enjoy my daughter's because I was a paranoid first time mom.
I BFed my DD until 14.5 months and weaned Ben at 10 months. I don't feel guilty about it--BFing was not working out this time around as well as before.
We take a lot of pictures, still, but they tend to be of my daughter who is a total ham. It's uneven, but I can't worry about it too much. He knows he's loved. I've made sure to keep up with his baby book, throw him a first birthday, and do all the "big" things I did for her.
He has his sister, who is built in entertainment. He adores her. I think it was a gift to BOTH of them to have a sibling and I try to look at it that way when I feel like one or the other of them is getting shafted.
All of these responsese have made me feel much better
Thanks ladies!