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3rd Trimester
RE: My husband wants me to BF
Ok so after yesterdays discussion, I have decided to try to pump only. My husband is not compromising in his stance at all, and I don't know what else to do at this point. So with that being said, I do not want to BF with the whole latch on thing. I am going to try and just pump and add it to formula if needed. I got a lot of interesting and helpful, and some hurtful advice yesterday. I know this is a strong subject for most of us.
Anyone have any suggestions on how I go about trying to pump only? I have purchased the First Years Mi Pump. What else will I need, and how do you start. I want to make an effort at this, I am really trying here.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: RE: My husband wants me to BF
If you are serious about it make sure you pump OFTEN. I tried that with DD and didn't do it enough milk supply slowly tapered off.
I didn't see your post from yesterday, but I just wanted to say that I think it's really admirable that you're really considering your DH's point of view. I'm sure lots of women would say it's your body, your decision, but it's DH's baby too and I think it's only fair they get an opinion. That being said, I hope your DH is open to the possibility that it just might not work out and will be equally supportive of you no matter what happens. GL!
DD february 2010 | DS october 2011
*please excuse my typos, bumping from my iphone*
StepMom to P, Mama to R and E.
SAHM and weekend NICU nurse
I am sorry that your DH is trying to make you do something with your body that you don't want to do. I understand why he wants you to but you shouldn't be forced into something you aren't 100% comfortable with.
I would ask the 0-3 board and the BF board.
For those who feel super strongly about bf..this isn't for you.
..That being said..my dh and father feel very strongly about bf. I tried w/ dd and ended up w/ a horrible infection and was on antibiotics for weeks...so it was formula for her. I tried again w/ ds...I literally cried everytime he needed to eat. I HATED it...I know...sounds horrible..but im just being honest. I have never felt more depressed or disappointed in myself. DS and I ended up w/ a nice parting gift from the hospital..mrsa..it went undiagnosed for 3 weeks which only added to the misery. So for infection control sake( AND my sanity) I stopped. NOW..I have flat inverted nipples (sorry tmi) and it was hell on my to even pump. I finally had to tell all the supporters around me that if they wanted to bf they could do it themselves. Maybe a bit harsh..but both my kids turned out wonderful and bright....and if I could bf..I would. But it's just not for some women. In the end it should be whats right for YOU and baby..dh is important too..but it's your body. If you're only comfortable pumping..then pump and tell him that IS your compromise.
This. Especially the possibility that it may not work, and he needs to support/be prepared for that. Good for you for trying it just for him... I don't think I would. Actually, I know I wouldn't.
Carter Robert 7.18.08 | Brynn Sophia 5.24.10 | Reid Joseph 9.10.12 | Emerson Mae 1.27.14
I'm glad you decided to at least give it a shot. If you hate it, you can give it up. But that colostrum is healthy stuff!
My one fear is that the pump you purchased is a single electric, not a double electric. Since it only "does" one girl at a time, you'll have to switch over to the other boob--thereby doubling your time. A double electric might make a lot more sense. Plus, you can probably rent one of those (double) from your hospital--and then if you only use it a month or two, you're not out tons of money.
So...I think the best option for you is to call the Lactation Consultant affiliated with your doctor or hospital. If you don't have one, try the La Leche League in your area (this link will take you to all the centers in Texas: https://www.llli.org//Web/Texas.html). Also, read up on info on sites like www.kellymom.com.
Stand firm in your decision, and don't let anyone make you feel bad--saying things like "pumping isn't really breastfeeding." You've made a good decision that will help your baby stay healthy. That's great! Now you just need some help to make it work for you.
My friend exclusively pumped for the first 4 months, and she felt really good about it. She had never wanted to breastfeed, and it was a big decision. But she's glad she got the first few months in. I know other moms who only BF or feed pumped milk a couple times a day, and the babies drink formula for the other feedings. GOOD LUCK!
This.
I actually don't agree with this ... I too believe that its admirable and loving that you are considering his feelings as well ... granted, it is your body and YOU will be doing the work, but after all, it is his child as well and he's just concerned (appropriately) about his baby's well being which I think is absolutely wonderful ... what a dad from the start (he only wants the best for his baby). Anyway, good luck and all the support to you for trying ... yes, and the bf and 0 - 3 boards would be a great place to start ...
I think the two of you need to sit down and have a long talk on his inability to compromise, before this affects the actual raising of your child. This goes WAY beyond BFing.
I'm honestly shocked that so many women here are ignoring the behavior of the husband in this situation. I'd like to see how you would react if your "DH" ordered you to do something that you were completely uncomfortable with.
I missed yesterday's discussion, but I think the reason a lot of women are 'ignoring' your husband's behavior is that we understand his reasoning for wanting you to breastfeed (better for the baby), but I have no clue why you don't want to breastfeed. You may have an awesome reason, but if we don't know what it is, I kind of have to agree with your DH. I'm glad the two of you could reach a compromise and best of luck to you. Sorry I don't have any good advice, but the double electric pump sounds like good advice for sure. GL to you!
I won't touch the actual debate regarding your husband wanting you to BF, but I can offer some insight on EPing - I did it for 5 months.
It is hard. HARD. You'll want to start pumping right away in the hospital, and you really have to be dedicated to get your supply up. I had a medela PISA and love that pump. You will have to pump every time the baby feeds (every 2-3 hours) for WEEKS to really get your supply up. Unless you master pumping while feeding your LO (or your DH does the night feedings), you are in for some very long nights, because I would have to give D his bottle, change him, put him back down, and THEN pump for 15 minutes or so. It added at least another 25 minutes to the night wakings and made me a zombie.
Eventually, though, your body will adjust. I was VERY lucky and had a fabulous supply, so I was able to go to a 5 pump-per-day schedule very early on (much earlier than recommended). That was my saving grace, otherwise I would have never made it as long as I did. Good luck - it is extremely hard, but I felt it was well worth it (D was exclusively on BM until he was 5 months).
Many people pump exclusively. My boobs hate the pump and could only get out a couple of ounces at a time, so thankfully I was a SAHM so I could BF while latching--we only used *maybe* 10 bottles the entire year I BF. Otherwise, it wouldn't have worked.
I recommend going to a BF class that your hospital offers; although the latching info won't be needed, they can help you figure out the best times to pump, how often, supplies that you'll need, etc... At the very least get in touch with one of your hospital's lactation consultants. You can probably just call and ask to speak with one--they are usually very accommodating.
That being said, it is your body and if you ever feel like it is too much and you don't want to do it, respect that! It's worth a shot, but if you hate it, please don't beat yourself up over it. There is so much going on with your body when you have a baby--you don't need to place any additional stress on yourself.
You can't add breastmilk to formula. That would be like adding milk to powdered milk--the nutrients would get all off, and it would probably be really thick and not very tasty.
You can feed pumped milk. You can feed formula. You can feed both in a day--don't let people tell you it has to be all one thing or another. Lots of people alternate feedings.
I think most women are admiring the fact that she is willing to try it b/c it is his baby too. It's something that I know I wouldn't do...
But I believe that BFing/pumping is such a commitment and you have to go into it 100% sure that you want to do it or else I think some women will bail at the first sign of difficulty (and there's nothing wrong with that!!) It sounds like her DH would have a serious issue with that... something that they need to discuss ASAP.
I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do before I had DS, and I decided that BFing just wasn't it. No comments or pressure from family, friends, or my DH would have changed my mind at all.
That being said, I do agree with you. This goes way beyond BFing.
Carter Robert 7.18.08 | Brynn Sophia 5.24.10 | Reid Joseph 9.10.12 | Emerson Mae 1.27.14
Yeah, it is definitely not true that you cannot mix the two in the same bottle - that is absolutely fine. In fact, it's recommended for transitioning from BM to formula. You just have to be aware that formula is only good for about an hour after your LO has drank out of it, where BM has more leeway and can be reused if refrigerated. So if you mix them and your LO doesn't drink it all, you should probably chuck it after an hour or so.
I really don't see why she needs a reason outside of, "I really don't want to." It's her body, and she will be responsible for 100% of the work, effort, risks, commitment... Her husband has absolutely nothing to do with breastfeeding, unless he can magically grow lactating breasts, in which case he can feel free to do it.
They DIDN'T reach a compromise - the OP has felt forced to back down before her uncompromising husband.
What do you think will happen if a) she tries it for a day or two, and throws her hands up because she loathes it, or b) she can't do it? Do you really think the husband is going to be supportive, or make her feel guilty? I fear the latter, based on his actions.
Agreed most guys know very little about the issue or seem to have no real thoughts on the matter. I am surprised your DH is so adament on it. I don't see the OP's DH "ordering" her to do anything! feeling strongly one way is totally different.
With that said I really don't see what's the big deal...the baby IS getting the same nutrition as if the OP were to breast feed. What's the big deal between pumping and EBF???
Huh, well, I just learned that from the BF'ing board & a post from 0-3. I'd check with a pediatrician on what they recommend.
ETA:
You know what? I think I'm wrong. I think the posts I remember were about mixing breast milk with formula instead of formula with water. My apologies. Logically, I guess it would make sense that it wouldn't be too bad to mix the 2 as long as they were both properly mixed & stored. I guess I'd check with a pedi anyway. Sorry for the misinfo if I'm wrong!
did not see the post yesterday but I have to comment on the husband wanting you to BF: ....if you DO NOT WANT TO, don't. It is YOUR BODY, YOUR DECISON. He isn't the one that has to deal with scabbed, sore bleeding nips, night time feedings, fussy babies that won't latch, engorged painful, leaky boobs, mastitis, clogged ducts, the constant nursing ( can you tell i've BF'd before?)...YOU ARE. You need to stand up for yourself to your husband and tell him this if you do not want to BF. It is not a requirement for a healthy baby or to be a good mother. I must have a much different relationship with my husband b/c if he told me he wanted me to BF and wouln'dt compromise I'd laugh in his face and hand him a bottle of formula...that being said, exclusively pumping is just as time consuming and sometimes more annoying but here is how to go about that:
You need to pump as much as baby would eat in order to build and maintain your supply. SO when you get home from the hospital you will be pumping every 2hrs around the clock likely, for a few wks. At first not a whole lot is going to come out and thats fine, baby doens't need alot at first, and as the days go on, your real milk will come in and you will start making alot more. Serve what you pump. If you only pump 1oz from both breasts combined...give that to baby. Eventually you'll want a hands free contraption; its basically a bra that holds the flanges to your breasts; its wonderful, I used it while I was working and pumping. SO, just lots of storage bags, bottles, your pump and a hands free bra thing. Check out Kellymom.com for more on pumping...or google " exclusively pumping breasmilk" and tons of sites will come up. Good luck in whatever you decide.
You certainly CAN mix BM and formula. I do it for my dd, usually 2/3 BM and 1/3 formula. Formula has to be used within one hour of starting the feeding, this is not a problem for us as my dd always finishes her bottle.
First off I want to say it's very admirable for you to compromise with your DH. Frankly, I feel it's sucky for your DH to not compromise in his stance but expect you to....this could lead to too many other issues if y'all don't learn to compromise together.
As far as exclusively pumping, this could work and does work for many women. I suggest you speak with your hospital's LC. You will need to pump every 2-3 hours to build your supply. Also, look into getting a dual electric pump, they work much better for the type of pumping you plan to do. I plan to pump exclusively after about a week or two of BF.
You are right w/ your ETA. The BM doesn't replace the water, you make the formula as directed and then add BM and then you are all good.
THIS! She shouldn't have to validate to us why she doesn't want to breastfeed. It's her personal choice. Yes, taking her husband's point of view into consideration is great, but she states right there that he is not compromising, so she is the one to back down to make it work. It is a deeper issue than just the breastfeeding.
You can mix the two. I don't know many people that didn't. If you have to supplement it is actually easier on the baby's tummy to mix then to alternate. We started mixing right in the NICU.
I just wanted to say that while I didn't contribute to the original thread, I totally "get" not feeling comfortable with the whole "latch" thing and I will be one of those trying to pump exclusively.
I went to a breastfeeding class last Friday and while they said not to pump until the 4th week, I questioned her and she said that it's more so that the baby doesn't learn to prefer the bottle vs. the breast, and that the baby's demand dictates the supply you make. So pumping might make it a little difficult to replicate, but it's certainly possible. I recommend asking for the lactation consultant at your hospital as soon as baby is born so that they can help get you set up on a schedule. Either that, or you can call La Leche League or even one of the retail stores in your area that specializes in nursing bras/pumps. (Ours has consultants on hand to help)
Good luck -- it sucks that your hubby is insisting on this despite your feelings, but at least you will be comfortable enough to try pumping. That way he can get up at 2am and 4am and feed.
Wrangling babies since 2010
As the father I agree 100% that he should have every opportunity to have his opinions and desired heard but the fact that he is absolutely unwilling to compromise and wont take no for an answer is unfair. She is going to have to be the one to feed the baby at all hours, have the painful cracked and bleeding nipples exc. He made is opinion known and now as a couple they should either come to a compromise or DH should understand that it is his wife's body and she is not comfortable. The baby isn't going to starve if it isn't BF and choosing not to BF is not going to be to the severe detriment to the child.
I completely agree. This goes way beyond BF/EP/FFing.
Agree. If you are that adamant that you don't want to do this and DH is 'making' you then there are some serious underlining issues here. From your post yesterday, it seemed you just didn't want to - no real reason why other than not wanting to and DH wanted you to give it a try, even for a few days to give baby the good colostrum.
Have you thought about going to a counselor to talk about this? Is the only issue here you just don't want to or is there more to it? I am prolly waaaaay off and please don't be offended by this, but I know many women who are survivors of abuse cannot/do not want to breastfeed. Again, please do not take offense, it just sounds like there is more to the story here.
Best of luck to you.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
"><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/825/1820/8251820.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - Free <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Calorie Counter</a></small></p>I'm sorry but this is totally not true.
As long as you don't nuke the bottle and the proportion of water to formula is correct, there is no reason you can't mix formula and BM. I did it often when DS weaned himself from the boob and I switched him to formula at 11 months old, increasing the proportion of formula to BM until his bottles were all formula. Had I just given him formula without the mix, he would have most definately rejected it since he wasn't used to the taste.
Zachary Ryan - 1/13/08 - 6lbs 15oz, 20.5 inches
Lilia Rose - 5/11/10 - 8lbs 6oz, 21 inches
I pumped exclusively after DS was 4 months (he just started refusing the breast one day). It's easier to do early on than once they are 5 months + and more active and awake more during the day. He'll be sleeping a lot in the early days, so he can lay next to you or in his swing and you can pump away. The only other thing I would suggest getting is some milk storage bags. I used the Lansinoh and they were great. You can pump and portion out the milk to whatever a normal feeding for your baby is in the bags. Then just warm under some lukewarm water when it's time to feed and pour into a bottle.
I think it's great you are making your DH's opinion a priority. Give it a try - it may not be nearly as overwhelming and difficult as you think. I will warn you that even for the most dedicated BFer who has their heart set on BFing (like I was), there are days when BFing and pumping is hard and overwhelming. My advice would be that even when you feel like giving up, give it a few days. I had so many times when I was ready to be done with it and I just forced myself to keep doing it for a few days before I made a decision. I usually found whatever issue I was having worked itself out before I got to the point of being completely fed up.
However, if you just find your heart isn't it and it's becoming too stresssful and not allowing you to enjoy your baby, it is ok to walk away from it and just decide it's not for you. I understand some poster's point about it being DH's baby too but the weight of BFing is solely on the mother. Therefore, if you have made a solid effort to try it out and it just doesn't work, you have every right to override your DH's desire for your baby to be BF.
GL!