What is proper Re: inviting people you know won't come

Lara&Josh · February 2010

My shower host is asking me for a list of people to invite to the shower. I have many out of state relatives who I am 97% positive won't make the trip halfway across the country to attend the baby shower. Do we send them an invite? On one hand, it may look like I'm just inviting them so they send a present. On the other hand, they may be offended if they don't get an invite or feel like they are not welcome.

It's my family, and I know I shouldn't be so worried about it. I don't know why I am. Anyways, what would you do?

K.a.T.e · February 2010

How is this handled in your family?

Is an invite to a baby shower that you won't attend seen as gift grabby or nice?

Personally, I'd invite my out of town immediate family (sisters) but not cousins, aunts and uncles

Lara&Josh · February 2010

K.a.T.e:
How is this handled in your family?
Is an invite to a baby shower that you won't attend seen as gift grabby or nice?
Personally, I'd invite my out of town immediate family (sisters) but not cousins, aunts and uncles

I really don't know how they would look at it! I'm the oldest grand daughter, so first to get married, first to have a kid. All of my aunts were invited to my wedding shower and, though they didn't come, they all went in on a nice gift for me. If there was anyone upset about it, I didn't hear about it.

EastCoastBride · February 2010

I personally feel that showers (wedding and baby) are smaller, personal events. Not "Invite everyone you know" - even family.

And most (MOST) grown, adult women are not "offended" to not being invited to what is really a gift giving event!

W/ few exceptions, I did not invite anyone who wasn't local.

pinkcallalily · February 2010

I think it depends on how close you are to the person. I would definitely invite any of my aunts and cousins even if I thought they wouldn't come, but I wouldn't invite more distant relatives that live further away. Because my showers are back home and I'm traveling to them most people will be able to come, but I invited 2 cousins and one of my best friends that live across the country that I know won't be able to come. However, I have a lot of other friends that live in other parts of the country that I didn't invite.

KMK51 · February 2010

My shower is in Michigan and I did not invite family from Florida. I just felt like if they want to send a baby gift after she is here, they will send a gift, if not that is fine too. But if you know they will not be able to attend I would not send an invite. (I have an OOT friend whose shower I just attended but did not send her an invite to mine knowing she cannot attend because she will have her baby a couple weeks after.) Its a tough decision but I don't think your own family would be mad either way.

KirstieC · February 2010

I think you have to just go with your gut in terms of who you would like to send an invite to and who might be in the "if-y" list. I'm somewhat in the same position and I sent invites to some really close out of town friends. The ones who were on my "if-y" list I'll probably just send an announcement when the baby is born. If they want to send a gift then, great, and if not that is fine too.

mysticporter · February 2010

EastCoastBride:
I personally feel that showers (wedding and baby) are smaller, personal events. Not "Invite everyone you know" - even family.

And most (MOST) grown, adult women are not "offended" to not being invited to what is really a gift giving event!

W/ few exceptions, I did not invite anyone who wasn't local.

I agree with all of this!

bahollist · February 2010

All of my side of the family is out of state - I didn't want to seem greedy so I kept it to my mom, sister, sister inlaws. For her side, MIL included out of state Aunts and Cousins that I wouldn't have put on but she didn't want to exclude anyone. I only added out of state friends if I actually thought they'd try to come (and I plan on inviting them to sleep over if they do!)

hopefulmom · February 2010

I agree with K.a.T.e

Is it possible to ask your Mom her thoughts. She probably knows how these people would feel if they were not invited.

gringa78 · February 2010

I lived on the opposite side of the country from my friend when she had her shower...I wasn't invited, but sent a gift anyway. I totally understood why I wasn't invited and I wasn't offended. If people find out about it, they'll probably send a gift anyway, or one when the baby is born.

aborgra · February 2010

I would most likely send them an invite. We left out some distant relatives for the wedding shower because we knew they wouldn't come and we never heard the end of it. Even relatives I barely know were angry about not being invited to the shower.

MCC1010 · February 2010

I think it depends on how things work in your own family. I have family all over the US, Canada & Central America. I have aunts,cousins and family friends coming in for the baby shower. Instead of being a one day event my family makes it into a reunion. We have outings planned for the days before. That may not seem "normal" to anyone else but in my family it is. We find any excuse to celebrate something for as long as humanly possible.

*LuckyMermaid* · February 2010

I think that an invitation is always nice. This shows that you are thinking about them and want to include them. Should they have any inquiries about the registry they can contact your mother (or whoever the contact is regarding your registry considering you don't include that in an invitation. Or if you do they can look it up themselves and send you the gift). Odds are it being family and all that they will send a card. Maybe a gift certificate or a gift, but I would send the invite as a matter of politeness. I wouldn't expect gifts from the ones who can't make it though.

HTH.

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