Is it tacky to throw our own baby shower?

**Purr-Fection** · January 2010

ChristinaD09:

IrishBrideND:
Actually, PP, i think throwing yourself a bday party is just as rude (for the reason you mentioned).

I don't necessarily think its rude, but then again NO ONE in our group of friends would show up with presents for an adult birthday party. If you expected gifts, then please grow up.

THIS!

IrishBrideND · January 2010

**Purr-Fection**:
ChristinaD09:

IrishBrideND:
Actually, PP, i think throwing yourself a bday party is just as rude (for the reason you mentioned).

I don't necessarily think its rude, but then again NO ONE in our group of friends would show up with presents for an adult birthday party. If you expected gifts, then please grow up.

THIS!

I just wanted to clarify that I do not in any way, shape or form expect gifts

Either way, its AWish IMO to throw a party in honor of yourself. It seems many on here do not agree, and thats ok.

KRISTA555 · January 2010

If you're NOT asking for gifts, and CLEARLY stating "no gifts" then it's not tacky. If it's not CLEAR on the invitation, then it's tacky.

g8trkim · January 2010

Yes. It's tacky. Plus you are already getting one.

RadicalDreamer143 · January 2010

TBH, how many times do you see people on this very forum talk about how they are contributing to their own showers - all the time! Several times a day you will see people asking for advice on invites, guest lists, even menu options - which to me, is ALL you need for a party, and many of these showers take place in the mother's home.

That being said, talk to your friend who is going to get married, tell her you'll do all the planning, and if she would mind to be the "hostess" with a very easy job - having her name on the invites, and accept RSVPs - she won't have to shell out any cash or do any planning. I mean, eesh, I almost wish I could plan my own shower - make it a classy affair, don't do any shower games, sounds good to me!

jolibebe · January 2010

g8trkim:
Yes. It's tacky. Plus you are already getting one.

Thanks for even bothering to read my other posts.

I have since clarified it was NOT about getting gifts. We NEVER expect anything and are grateful for everything we are blessed with. The whole question was more about DH having several friends and co-workers, most of whom are male btw, that he thinks would like to share in his excitement. Being that most are male, he doesn't think of his guy friends would offer to throw a get together or shower because most guys don't think that way. I don't have anyone locally to offer and felt like he is being kinda left out.

I also stated that this is our first baby and we didn't know about a meet and greet after the lo is born and now that we know, we are going to do that instead.

Just wondering how much some of you actually read before going on and on? I am fairly new to this forum. I have no one to ask about some of these things. I thought we were all here to help each other and not flame. I think some of you should think about how you come across on this board.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

You need to relax. People are simply responding to the first post. They don't see your responses. Think about it: if they didn't see your previous additions, why would they see your more recent ones? So continueing to respond to their late additions won't really accomplish anything.

GL!

Gilly1126 · January 2010

Dear OP-

Do what you want. If you want to throw yourself a shower with all the bells and whistles.. do it. My husband and I just moved, and I may very well end up throwing some little shindig for myself, because my husband is an officer, and it is really hard to make friends with some of the otherwives because they are older and full time workers, while I'm still in school. I will probably just have the one on the east coast when we go home, which my best friend is all but foaming at the mouth to throw one, but if people here show an interest when it comes time, we'll have a co-ed bbq shower drinking shenanigans. People are always first to point fingers about what is tacky. FORGET THEM. If your getting married friend doesnt mind putting her name on it, fantastic. If not, put your own name on it, play games (or don't), make food (or don't) or whatever. Plenty of people throw their own birthday parties, bachelorette parties, whatever.. Parties are about getting together and having a good time. Beginning and end of story. Best wishes for you, yours, and your future

Josabelle · January 2010

I would call it more of a congrats party instead of a shower, and maybe have a relaxed pizza get together or bbq. Since you don't feel as close to some of those people, you could make it more into a bonding experience as well. Being a first time parent, if someone does ask what they can bring (gift) maybe mention something like a letter with a little advice for the new mommy from the other mommies.

I am throwing my own shower, but putting someone elses name on the invite as the host. I have had many people (family and friends) who were looking forward to a shower but couldn't throw one for me (too far away, just having a baby, getting married, etc.). No one has said anything except how wonderful it will be to get together at the shower. I think if you want to throw one for yourself especially since you are not looking for gifts, you would be able to put it together in a nontacky way.

yzrylbx · January 2010

Yeah, I think it is a little tacky. BUT, I don't see any problem at all with mentioning it to somone you're close to. OR...One thing I had with my second was a diaper dinner. we had people over to a friend's house to celebrate our upcoming blessed event and they brought diapers and changing stuff. I didn't buy diapers for months! If you feel like you are imposing by having it at someone's house, have it at your church or local community center. As long as someone else's name is on the invite as sponsoring the party, it's kosher. Good luck!

tnpenpal · February 2010

In my opinion, which is just one of very many, I do not feel it is tacky at all. I feel the person has to take their own life into consideration such as how far away your family may live and how much money the family has before making their decision. I've been to two baby showers that were paid for by the mom to be, but at both parties the mother and one of their siblings helped with the games and serving the food. No matter how you look at it, a baby shower is thrown for family and friends to celebrate a new life and it is common for guests to bring a gift, no matter if you give your own shower and take all the financial responsiblily or you are 'suprised' by a hostess. Either way you decide be stress free and have lots of fun!

KeepingItLowKey · February 2010

My shower was 1600 miles away.

When you say your husband "thinks he has enough co workers" for a shower, it seems like you're desperately trying to find guests... for some more gifts.

4ksdesigns · February 2010

I love Frisco! I am a nursery designer and I do Peekaboo Parties, it's a party designed to show off baby's new room...a lot of women opt to use this time as their shower. I have worked with the BS planner, but, in some situations, like yours, there is no one throwing the shower for mom. I send out invites and I simply put where mom is registered. I become the host. If you have the money to do so, you could hire an event planner or baby planner (There is a lady in Dallas, Peekaboo Design Group). I don't think it is tacky, it's all about following baby shower etiquette. It is fun to get gifts and people are usually happy to give them, every woman should have a shower especially for the first baby! Most of these ladies are not in your situation so I don't think they can really say whats best for you. I work with different women with different needs, so I can honestly say, if you go about it the right way, you can make it work! Good luck!

4ksdesigns · February 2010

I just wanted to add that I have 4 children and when I got home the last thing I wanted was people in my house expecting to me to entertain them after I've had a baby (all C-sections at that, I could barely walk and was hopped up on meds :^P). You might want to think about that before you decide to plan an event after your LO comes! JMO

Plus this may be a good opportunity for you to meet wives of your husbands friends/co-workers and make some new connections and friendships

delg23 · February 2010

You might be surprised. Someone may actually throw you a shower. I however know I will not be having a shower where I live. My only friend said she would throw me one and I laughed and said "who would show up". I think my MIL will plan to throw one. I kind of don't want her to though. My bridal shower was AWKWARD. I hope your friend snaps out of the wedding planning bubble and plans one for you! GL!

MJCarp09 · February 2010

Hello,

I just wanted to say I read through all of the responses you have gotten on this, and to be honest I can understand why it would be thought of to be "tacky", but at the same time I have absolutely no one in my family or group of friends who feel confident to throw a baby shower, I have had many offers to pitch in to help plan. Although no one wants to take on the responsibility on their own.

I would say though, if you think the majority of your guests are going to be males, a friend of mine did a diapers and poker night, (or a game of your choice) and instead of everyone bringing a case of beer, they brought a case of diapers, you still foot some of the bill for the drinks and some finger foods, but its a fun evening also. It helps to give a meaning to the evening but without the responsibility of having men go out and try to find a gift.

Also, if you were to decide to simply throw your own shower I think that your friends would be understanding of the situation that you may not have a a closefriend there to do it for you.

I am sorry that the responses haven't all been friendly, I am new to this as well, and now I am nervous to post any questions since I am seeing people don't always think of how things sound online versus in person before they post.

Good luck though! and hope all goes well with the baby!!

Junesong_109 · February 2010

I don't think so, it is your choice!!!

I pretty much threw my own baby shower since I really don't communicate much with my mom. my grandma wanted to give me one but because of her age and money issues there were obvious restraints. She helped me organize he games but I bought and made the invitations, decorations (grandma pitched in) and the place it would be held in!!! My husband helped a lot and the reason it didn't seem tacky is because I called it a baby welcoming party since I have many guy friends and all my family lives out of town and no way would the girls come down husband-less! I also am not a social person so i don't have many friends, the ones i have are still in school, so obviously they couldn't do it either. I think as long as you just make it a party and provide people with refreshments and snacks its perfectly okay! ( I still ended up getting many gifts!!!)

Brynnie2010 · February 2010

I was totally surprised to find that almost no one felt the way I did about this. I do not think it is tacky at all. Why does a shower have to be thrown for you by someone else? What difference does it make? If people want to come and shower you with gifts, why should you be denied that? My mum threw me a shower near my hometown, but a lot of my co-workers were somewhat offended that they weren't invited even though it was like 2 hours away. We are also moving soon so we had a Baby Shower/Farewell party that I threw myself. No one seemed to think it was tacky.

ColieJ · February 2010

It is just an ettiquette thing because I wouldn't think it was tacky to go to a shower thrown by the parents. I am in the same situation, we moved a year ago and while I know people associated with hubby's job I don't have really close friends here. All my friends are at least 12 hours away. Since we are due in summer and we didn't do a housewarming party when we bought our townhouse I am going to throw a barbecue. No mention of the baby or shower, just a gathering for summer. Most of our friends here are married, some with kids, but I do think it will be fun :-). I likely won't end up with a shower period because I am not sure I would want to fly to TX even if someone wanted to host one.

cjksawyer · February 2010

we had friends that did ours but we had it at house. Great because we didn't have to transport everything and people got to see the nursery. Maybe if you could just have a friend that sends out the annoucements but you helped plan it would not SEEM like you threw it for yourself.

Ours was co-ed with beer and snacks and we had a great time.

teelaman · February 2010

IrishBrideND:
DebbieJS77:

It's weird that it is considered rude to throw yourself a shower because people give themselves weddings all the time where people bring presents. I wonder what the difference is as far as ettiquette.

I think the "meet and greet" idea is a great idea.

I have mixed feelings about weddings in regards to that issue. But at least with weddings, the reception is supposed to be about the guests and for the guests as a thank you. A shower, on the other hand, is about the mom. Plus, a wedding is not inherently about gifts, where as that is the point of a shower.

But I do see your point. I see weddings as a slightly grey area.

By this logic, OP's DH should be able to throw her a co-ed shower without any tackiness.

And I plan my own birthday parties (DH tries, but generally I end up calling everyone to say when it is, decide what we're eating, etc.). I do it so all the family has a reason to get together - and I feed them and give them cake and ice cream - all without expecting gifts. I don't think it's tacky at all.

KatB77 · February 2010

CaitlinJ22:

if you do, dont call it a shower, and say NO presents. just have a fun before the baby comes party. Otherwise it looks greedy IMO.

you never know if someone is planning on surprising you either....

I agree completely

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