offensive to invite to a baby shower???

MrsDeHav · February 2010

i know some of our jewish friends didn't have a baby shower but had a "meet the baby" right after the baby is born. i've never heard of it with anyone else/other cultures.

my MIL has informed me that their family "doesn't do" baby showers and i don't understand why. she didn't want to provide any reasoning other than it's just not something that they do (i dont think its cultural since they are irish and italian). either way, my mom is throwing me a baby shower and inviting everyone... they can choose whether or not they wish to attend.

that's not offensive, is it?

tlmommy2b:) · February 2010

I don't think its offensive for your mom to invite people. They can decline. But its nice that she is trying to include everyone.

~CoCo~ · February 2010

An invite (worded normally) cannot be offensive, IMO. If people choose not to attend, that's on them, but there's nothing offensive about inviting them. You'd be wrong NOT to, even if ya know they won't come...

xtencornfield · February 2010

For some reason I remember that Italians also do "meet the baby" visits and not baby showers but I could be wrong. In any case, I don't think it's offensive at all. Like you said, they can choose to come or not.

h3b · February 2010

i have no idea if it's "right" or not, but if your mother is throwing you one and you'd like to invite everyone, i think you should. they can simply decline to attend. no worries (but i could be wrong about offending people..and i wouldn't care.)

sarahbear · February 2010

Nothing wrong with inviting them.

cdc1982 · February 2010

I don't think it's offensive. Besides, maybe someone will decide they'd like to go to your baby shower because they got an invite

SissyKate21 · February 2010

An invitation is just that - an invitation. It is their option to decline if that is what they are most comfortable doing.

The hard part isn't about whether you are going to offend them...the hard part for me would be trying not to feel offended if they decline!

MrsDeHav · February 2010

xtencornfield:
For some reason I remember that Italians also do "meet the baby" visits and not baby showers but I could be wrong. In any case, I don't think it's offensive at all. Like you said, they can choose to come or not.

MIL said that they meet the baby at the christening and not a "meet the baby" gathering Huh?

buckeyeki · February 2010

I don't think it's offensive to invite them, but I guess if your MIL warned you then you can be prepared if no one from that side shows. I didn't have many from my DH's side show at mine either if that makes you feel any better. Some sent gifts and some just ignored the invite.

Inspiredbysoph · February 2010

Yea, I dont think its offensive either. If she doesnt invite them they could come back and say why didnt I get invited?, and if you invite, some may suprisingly show up.

When we have get togethers/birthdays, etc, in my family, we know basically who all will show up, and who wont (because they never do)...but the ones that we know wont show up, we still have to invite them, just so they are "invited".........I guess, just something my mom taught me was the 'right' thing to do.

But like, my moms friend is a jehovah witness, and they dont 'celebrate' birthdays and such.......but she will attend baby showers, and also around their birthdays, like that day or sometime that week they will go out and have a nice dinner..................................LOL.

RadicalDreamer143 · February 2010

MrsDeHav:

xtencornfield:
For some reason I remember that Italians also do "meet the baby" visits and not baby showers but I could be wrong. In any case, I don't think it's offensive at all. Like you said, they can choose to come or not.

MIL said that they meet the baby at the christening and not a "meet the baby" gathering

This. My family is italian, and we do showers, then everyone meets the baby at the christening, which is within the first month. I think I was christened about a week and a half after I was born.

MrsDeHav · February 2010

i forgot to mention that MIL has personal feelings about a baby shower... she didn't have one and says that she has never attended one. she thinks they are excuses for asking for gifts and was kind of making me feel bad/greedy for wanting a baby shower. i had to step away from the situation to realize that most ppl have a baby shower and that friends and family WANT to celebrate the occasion (or at least that how i've felt at the showers that i've attended).

mjm123 · February 2010

I don't think it's offensive to invite them.

I've heard that some old school Catholics don't have baby showers. Maybe that's what's going on.

gunsofbrixton · February 2010

nope...its being considerate if you ask me...at least you think enough of them to invite them...and they cant say later they werent invited...

kelcat · February 2010

It is cultural. My mom does not believe in baby showers either, until after the baby is born (a meet and greet). It is not just a Jewish thing, Italians believe it too. It is more of a superstious thing for the Italians. My mom will be at my shower for me, but I know I will not be receiving a gift from her until after the baby is born.

danilynn17 · February 2010

MrsDeHav:
i forgot to mention that MIL has personal feelings about a baby shower... she didn't have one and says that she has never attended one.

I think this is much more likely the issue than anything cultural. MIL may be bitter that she never had one, and has held that grudge for a looooong time.

Mrs.Syntax · February 2010

MrsDeHav:
i forgot to mention that MIL has personal feelings about a baby shower... she didn't have one and says that she has never attended one. she thinks they are excuses for asking for gifts and was kind of making me feel bad/greedy for wanting a baby shower. i had to step away from the situation to realize that most ppl have a baby shower and that friends and family WANT to celebrate the occasion (or at least that how i've felt at the showers that i've attended).

In that case, I'm willing to bet lots of people on that side of the family do not share your MIL's sentiment and would be happy to come to your shower. It sounds like she's just being a stick in the mud due to her own bitterness. Invite them - I don't think it's offensive at all!

g8trkim · February 2010

I don't think it's offensive to invite them. You're putting it in their hands and they can accept or decline. MIL may say they don't do showers, but some people may still want to come so at least you're giving them the option.

rmaxim · February 2010

A jewish friend told me once that some jewish families consider it "bad luck" to have a baby shower before the baby is born, and that some are so superstitious about it that they will even order everything they need but not have it delivered until the baby is born. However, she was not that strictly religious and had a shower anyway, with lots of people there.

Maybe your MIL believes the same thing...however you should not feel guilty about having a shower, it's certainly a cultural norm in the US. And it's not offensive to invite someone, if they don't believe in it, they won't come.

Hope it all works out for you!

blissfully_caffeinated · February 2010

Baby showers are very American things. I'm Irish and traditionally there is no baby shower. That said, we left that in the dust a long time ago and we've been having baby showers for ages. I don't know anything about Italian traditions.

I would invite everyone you want to come. I don't think it's rude or offensive to invite them. Who knows, maybe they will have so much fun that they'll start having baby showers for everyone who gets pregnant

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