Anyone have a parent who is an alcoholic?

lsufan · February 2010

I'm so frustrated with my mom right now. She refuses to admit she has a problem, but it's obvious that she does. My sister and I literally had to wrestle the keys away from her last night to prevent her from driving away drunk. She spent the whole night either screaming at us or loudly bad mouthing us to various relatives on the phone. I'm visiting from across the country, so I can't just hop in the car and leave.

She did this once when Evan was a baby, and I told her then that if it ever happened again, I'd get a hotel and just get a flight out early (and never come back to visit). That was 3 years ago. I know through my dad that she's been abusing alcohol pretty heavily, but she always kept herself together in front of my kids. We've seen my parents many times, and we haven't had an issue until yesterday. We were having a great day, but while she was playing with the boys I noticed her acting strange. I finally figured out she'd been pouring rum into her soda all afternoon. When I called her on it, she went nuts, screaming at me that I've never shown her enough respect, that I wouldn't treat my inlaws like this, blah blah blah. Kept claiming that she wasn't even drunk, which she most definitely was. We ended up just going out to dinner and leaving her here. I thought about trying to stay somewhere else for the night, but in the end I decided that would be harder on the kids than just putting them to bed here. This morning she woke up and pretended nothing had happened.

I can't have her acting like this around the kids, but I don't know what to do. I know I've made her sound like a horrible person, but most of the time she is a terrific grandmother. The boys adore her and my dad, and they were so excited to come visit. It's going to be so hard to tell them I just can't visit them anymore, but I'm thinking I may have to do that. At least if they come visit me, we can just not have any alcohol in the house.

I really just wish I could help her, but she refuses to see that she has a problem at all. She thinks that because it didn't interfere with her job (she's recently retired), that she's not really an alcoholic. She seems to have some idea that alcoholics are all homeless guys begging on the streets, and because she's not like that, she's perfectly fine. The problem is that she will just randomly start drinking while hiding it from everyone else, and she gets belligerent and starts screaming and/or throwing things. How can she not see that she has a problem? And... my older sister's death a few years ago was caused by alcohol abuse. It's just mind boggling to me that my mom can pretend the problem is me for not wanting her to drink.

As upset as I was about this happening in front of my kids, I almost felt more sorry for my younger sister. She's also visiting from out of state and has brought her boyfriend for his first visit. Talk about a rough introduction to the family.

Sorry this is so long. Guess I just needed to vent. Any advice is welcome.

summerbrideDC · February 2010

((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry. You're not alone in this problem, I promise you. I wish I had some advice, but I'm just completely clueless about how to deal with it w/o alienating her. I really fear if I say anything she will just cut me out of her life completely.

(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

ridesbuttons · February 2010

"I really wish I could help her"

My dad was an alcoholic, it was terrible. He died before my kids were born.

You cannot help your mother any more than you could help her if she had cancer. You can only encourage her to face her problem and deal with it.

Sorry this is part of your life. I know it sucks.

AviatorJJ · February 2010

run don't walk to an Alanon meeting

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Anyone have a parent who is an alcoholic?

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