soyager

*speedracer* · February 2010

what you said here really bothered me. i wanted to make sure you saw the last few responses. i wouldn't mind discussing your deep cynicism further.

papagena · February 2010

I must concur - you should go back and read if you haven't.

Soyager · February 2010

Hmmm.... not really sure what to say.

I guess I didn't really say *enough* to express what I was thinking...

I recognize that a person will go through a period of mourning a "life lost" at the moment of finding out their child has special needs. I noted that her post was "real" and raw and truthful. I didn't mean to imply that she felt any animosity toward the child and the situation, only that her subsequent posts contained the same sort of message: "I had this life envisioned for myself and my family and now it has changed." I didn't say anything was wrong with thinking that way. But I do think her life "before" contained a lot of superficiality (based on what/how she posted).

However, I think I'm entitled to be cynical. I'm also entitled to critique the whole story. She put it out there on the internet for all to read (and, I'm sure, to hype this book she's planning to publish). She wants to be a writer, I'm going to critique. Sorry, just my nature (and, um, part of my job).

As far as "not having a friggin' clue": no, I don't have any children of my own yet. I haven't been blessed with the experience of birthing. I, do, though, work with kids for a living. (Even some with special needs! Surprise ) My DH works with the special needs population almost exclusively, has since he was 18. So, my initial reaction to the post included some background knowledge and experience. Am I being criticized for not getting all wrapped up with this woman's story? Maybe I don't have a clue, not being a REAL mother yet, but I don't see anything wrong with having a different reaction to the story.

I'm not really going to debate my feelings about some stranger's story. There are people with far worse situations and far moving stories. The blogger is a good writer, she played to the emotions of the reader eloquently, and she will probably get some blog followers out of the whole deal.

::shrug:: Did I cover everything?

papagena · February 2010

Soyager:
(Even some with special needs!)

...sometimes your sensitivity is inspiring....

However - I wouldn't have mentioned anything (and probably no one else would have either) had it seemed like you were criticizing her writing as opposed to her reaction. Yes, perhaps she is mourning the fact that she won't be able to have this picture perfect family, but in that kind of situation, I think it is normal. Frankly in my experience with really emotive people, their first reactions tend not to be 'let's research the disease and get facts right away to help cope with the situation'. It's unrealistic for most people to make that leap in such a short time.

And yes, of course you are entitled to your own feelings on her public blog, just as anyone else is to your public posts on it. Tis the internet. Yes, there are far worse situations out there, but we also complain about backaches, mildly annoying DH's and some, students that make people joke about forced sterilization. So, criticizing her for her superficiality based on the fact that she had favors and had planned out an elaborate and celebratory birth experience seems short sighted and a bit insensitive.

*speedracer* · February 2010

i wasn't referring to you being a "real" mother yet or not. You don't have a special needs child. It doesn't matter if you know some, work with some, are related to some. It's simply not the same.

I found it offensive that you said mourning the loss of a perfect life is what happens when you are too wrapped up in yourself. Um no, it's the normal reaction when you find out your child is going to have a very different life than you could reasonably expect.

If you have faults with her as a writer/blogger/AW, that's one thing. But that is not how your posts came across AT ALL, and clearly I'm not the only one who thought that.

Soyager · February 2010

papagena:
Soyager:
(Even some with special needs!)
...sometimes your sensitivity is inspiring....

Yes, perhaps she is mourning the fact that she won't be able to have this picture perfect family, but in that kind of situation, I think it is normal. Frankly in my experience with really emotive people, their first reactions tend not to be 'let's research the disease and get facts right away to help cope with the situation'. It's unrealistic for most people to make that leap in such a short time. ...
... So, criticizing her for her superficiality based on the fact that she had favors and had planned out an elaborate and celebratory birth experience seems short sighted and a bit insensitive.

I didn't say her reaction wasn't normal. But from the standpoint of sitting at home, completely unrelated to the situation, reading about it on the interwebz, those were my thoughts. I'll take the insensitive title; it's nothing new. There are reasons I bond with only a select few women in life--I don't react to nor think about things in the same way as most women. And, consequently, most women take offense that I'm not sharing the same experience in the same way.

Soyager · February 2010

*speedracer*:
i wasn't referring to you being a "real" mother yet or not. You don't have a special needs child. It doesn't matter if you know some, work with some, are related to some. It's simply not the same.
I found it offensive that you said mourning the loss of a perfect life is what happens when you are too wrapped up in yourself. Um no, it's the normal reaction when you find out your child is going to have a very different life than you could reasonably expect.
If you have faults with her as a writer/blogger/AW, that's one thing. But that is not how your posts came across AT ALL, and clearly I'm not the only one who thought that.

Okay, so whattya want me to do? Honestly, I'm quite confused about why it was necessary to call me out.

*speedracer* · February 2010

i was hoping for an apology but clearly you're not sorry and i'm obviously too wrapped up in myself. never fear, i won't bother posting to you again.

Soyager · February 2010

::laugh!::

Who am I apologizing to? You? Because you didn't like what I said?

No skin off my back if you don't want to post to me again. smh. Don't take things so personally.

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soyager

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