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Stay at Home Moms
Stereotypes of SAHM's
I'm so sick of the Peg Bundy stereotype of SAHM's! I just sat down to take a break from cleaning all day and to feed LO when some young, blonde girl was judging this woman who was over weight by saying, "She looks like a SAHM or something". Seriously? First off that is so damn rude, who is she to pick on someone who is heavier and second by saying she's a SAHM because we're all lazy and don't do anything but sit on the couch all day and eat. I'm so pissed! If that little b*tch only knew the things we do! I never get a break to eat for myself. And she's not the only one. I was at Petco the other day and I overheard one of the workers joking about if she got fired she could SAH and sit on the couch eating bon bons all day. Next person to say something is going to get sprayed in the face with my breastmilk and told to STFU.
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Re: Stereotypes of SAHM's
funny you mention this...my sister is in real estate and works for a developer and they were interviewing real estate agent groups and she was complaining about how tacky one of the teams looked. She actually said to me, "I mean they were so frumpy and not professionals...they looked like stay at home moms". I let it roll of my back because I guess I don't dress like a business woman but I do feel like I am stylish...sometimes. I think that's where it comes from. We don't usually have stylish work/professional wear like working people. It still bothered me since she is my sister, knows I stay at home, and still kept using this as a deragatory statment. I will say though, it did help paint a picture for me. I know that's terrible but too many SAHMs don't put enough effort into their appearance and that's what I think people mean sometimes, more than Peg Bundy.
I was just talking to my SIL about this (she is a SAHM too of 3). We went in to the bank our mortgage is with to set up new accounts and the lady helping us (who was very nice but...) said "occupation?" me: Speech Language Path her: employer? Me: I am not working right now (after 5 years with the same company as the primary bread winner, all of which she knew because we had discussed this and it was in front of her) her (change in voice rather disdainfully): oh, homemaker.
Nice! Really really nice. What is wrong with choosing to stay home with my son & raise him rather than spending one whole paycheck for someone else to do it? Does that somehow diminish the top ranked Masters Program I completed or the 5 years of professional experience I had. Does it mean that everything I do is not enough? You shouldn't have to work out of the home to prove your worth. It seems society is going to much the other direction now. Oh well, other moms get it.
But this is an opinion. What is "enough effort?" and who defines that? I am thin, active, healthy and don't give a flip about fashion. I wear pj pants and yoga pants all day at home. I put on jeans and a simple top plus a little mascara and eyeliner when I go out. I am sure people don't think I "put enough effort into my appearance" but i pretty much don't care. My appearance (minus my weight), is pretty low on my concerns list. AND if I am going to be "rating" people, I am going to put their clothing, purses, and make-up abilities well below many other characteristics - like thoughtful, kind, compassionate, polite, open minded, etc.
I am getting really p!ssed writing this and could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on. But I won't. Well I may after I read more responses...
My own father actually says things like that to me all.the.time. He has absolutely NO understanding of what it means to be a SAHM, even though my mom was one. There's a reason they're divorced. . .
I swear if I hear the phrase, "So, what do you DO all day?" come out of his mouth one more time, I'm going to punch him in the face.
And to the OP, I just think people who think negative things about (good) SAHMs are dumb (yes, that is MY closed minded, dumb statement for the hour). I am happy that I honestly don't feel the need to convince the world that staying at home to raising my child is a good decision, because I KNOW it is. I hope you can get to the point where it doesn't bother you too much.
But what still is bothering ME is the pp's comment that SAHMs don't put "enough effort" into their appearance...and she is a SAHM! Wow. I can't even get my thoughts in order on that one. I just don't think anyone can tell me "i don't put enough effort" - they can say I am ugly, have horrible clothes, etc. but those simple words "enough effort" are driving me crazy! Where exactly is the line for "enough?" I will stop.
I will step away now.
carry on.
ETA:I just reread my comments. I am really not doing a good job expressing myself. Just wanted to put this disclaimer because I am not completely happy with what I have said.
I put minimal effort into my appearance and that is enough for me. I don't CARE to put anymore effort into it. So it doesn't make sense for someone to tell me it isn't enough because it is enough for ME. And like I said, they can then say I am hideous, have horrible clothing and fashion taste, need a make over, etc., but telling me it isn't enough effort doesn't make sense.
I think I am making myself even less clear...if that is possible.
WHY do I need to put forth more effort? So that someone can have a more pleasant view when they see me?
I am so confused
DH is usually very supportive of my SAHM role, but yesterday DD took a 3 hr nap (she's done this for a few days in a row now). when i was telling him how long she slept for, he said something like, "nice break for you then, huh?" what does he think i do when she's sleeping??? that's when i clean, organize, etc. i barely eat or relax and i SHOULD as i'm about to give birth! anyway...
Honestly, when you have done it as long as I have those kind of comments roll off your back. Half of the time I chose to believe that they are from small minded people who live in a tiny bubble and are very uneducated about the way the real world works. The other half I believe are just jealous, lol.
I do respond when I am taken advantage of though. DH's sisters planned a remodel on IL's home (they were on vacation). They planned it and the 1 day in, wallpaper, plastic, garbage everywhere, they called it quits. DH and I had to take over. When I called the sisters out on it, one of them claimed that I "didn't do anything anyway". Yeah, that was the first and the LAST time she ever said that to me.
I may not get dolled up everyday but who cares? I'm chasing kids and taking care of my house. Unless mascara is going to make me faster, I'll skip it;) I put on comfy, but presentable clothes as I never know when someone will stop by. I work out and take care of myself. When I run errands I'll dress nice with hair and makeup but it's really the only time anyone sees me. Plus, I like to look nice.
People will say what they will. By choosing to make such narrow minded comments they make themselves look like idiots. I say, better them than me:)
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
I don't think this is an insult. I usually take a break when DD is asleep. My goals in life include simplifying. If DH said this to me, I would say, "yes, yes it was a lovely break. I hope I get one tomorrow as it makes me a much happier woman, wife, and mom."
And especially since you are pregnant, DO relax, take a break if you want. Stop cleaning, organizing, etc. You need YOUR time too. The cleaning and organizing can wait.
I love the fact that being a productive SAHM gives me the opportunity to relax sometimes, do things for me, and enjoy life.
The rat race gets old...and is overrated...big time