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Attachment Parenting
Working mom + AP = Advice?
Hi there! I usually visit the 3-6 month board, but I need advice from like-thinkers. I am making my way through week 2 back to work full time. I work 8-5 but come home for lunch to nurse. I feel like every second I am not at work I should be with DS (and I want to). So far I am feeling pretty depressed. I know you ladies speak of balance...I guess I am just interested in anything you might have to offer...thnx
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Re: Working mom + AP = Advice?
I work full-time and my boys are absolutely bonded aand secure in their attachments to DH and I.
It is going to be fine.
I agree - it is going to be fine.
This can be a really hard transition and you are at a stage where PPD is still a risk. So it may be that you can do things to help yourself feel better, it may be that you need some extra help.
There are things I need in order to feel good. I need a shower every day. I need enough sleep. I need some exercise on a regular basis.
I also need my kids.
Sometimes balance is about finding ways to get my kids involved in the things I'm doing - handing DS out of the shower to DH who's waiting with a towel, and then washing my hair. Jogging with a baby in a stroller. Sometimes it's about getting away on my own - getting DH to cover me for an hour after the kids are asleep, dropping them off with their grandparents (who adore them). Sometimes I need to be with the kids, but I don't feel like I have a ton of energy to offer them (which is more of a problem when they're toddlers). It is totally okay to do something like turn on the tv and hope it makes the baby fall asleep (the current count of times that my kids have seen Ocean's 11 is... well, let's just say it's high and leave it at that). Especially when they're babies, you can often get away with doing the things you'd want to be doing if you didn't have kids near the baby - reading, balancing the checkbook, getting a footrub from your partner - and the baby will be adequately entertained by your presence.
It's an adjustment. You've only been doing this for 2 weeks and it does get easier. I remember initially feeling like I needed to spend every spare second with DD and when I had to travel for work that pull was even stronger. But I also found that it is really important to get breaks. Even if it is leaving the dirty dishes and watching mindless TV or going out to lunch with a friend for 2 hours while DH was with the baby. And with two it is even more important to make me time because our house is just that much more hectic.
The important thing is the quality of time that you spend with your child, not the quantity. You'll always be mommy to him!
I felt the same way for a long time -- months and months, even. It was especially strong until solids started making up a larger part of DS's diet -- I never did *anything* after work and was always rushing to pick him up so he could nurse as soon as we got home and we could get in two nursing sessions before her went to bed. Also, he seemed so little and I wanted to be there A LOT. What you are feeling is completely normal!
Like the pps said, it will change over time, as you get more comfortable back at work and as your DS gets older. I still love to see DS at the end of the day, but I am not stressed about making sure I am with him every second I am not at work. DH, DS and I still do most things together on the weekends, but DH and I go out by ourselves, too, and I go get my hair done or nails done when I want on the weekends.
Balance will come with time. You are still in survival mode. Hang in there!