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S/O warning signs/red flags
Miss.Modular:
touche! i think it's common sense that there are red flags in a relationship before it erupts into complete chaos. don't ya agree?
Actually, no.
Has anyone ever heard of John List? The man had major financial troubles and began plotting the death of his entire family so he could make a clean get away. He was so meticulous about everything that not a single person in their town even knew that anything was wrong for an entire MONTH after he slaughtered his family.
Warning signs and red flags are not always out there. I am certain that Mrs. List had no idea her husband was going to kill her, their three children, and his mother in law for financial reasons. In fact, she didn't even know he had lost his job and was just dressing up and leaving the house every day for a month.
It also took 18 years for the police to catch him. Did he display red flags and warning signals to his new wife that he had previously murdered his other family? Nope. So you can't "always" know.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: S/O warning signs/red flags
Hot damn I never heard that story.
Even though I never heard it I can honestly say that I still agree. Sometimes people get married & BAM someone else shows their ugly face. One never knows.
Happened in 1971. The man killed his wife then shot his own mother directly in her eye at close range. When two of his kids got home from school, he shot them and then made himself LUNCH. He went to watch his third kid's soccer game, brought his son home and then shot him. He shot him ten times total because he thought he was still alive.
He left all the lights and radios on and cranked the air conditioning down low to keep the bodies from rotting. The police couldn't find him for years. Sick, sad and twisted. And his family had no idea.
There's no way you're Oprah. Oprah thinks there are ALWAYS signs and that you never just hit a brick wall.
To a certain extent, I think there are always some signs or gut feelings it's just that they are either ignored or explained away. Sometimes those signs only come to light after the fact.
But that's a horrible story you relayed.
i agree to a certain extent - i mean ted bundy was an "all american boy" - clean cut, charming, etc. no one ever suspected.
however, i think those cases are extremely, EXTREMELY rare. i think there are things people assume don't matter - i.e. a boyfriend who never cleans up after himself. well then 3 years and 1 kid later you're b!tching about a husband who never helps out around the house. things like that seem obvious to me. i think a lot of people believe their bf/gf will change once there's a ring on the finger and it's just not gonna happen that way. denial is a very populated place.
**note - i do think some people make complete 180s after something significant like the birth of a child so i'm not saying all women should have "seen it coming". i just think that there are probably issues that *i think* should be recognizable before marriage. jmho.
So it is true, Oprah DOES know everything.
And this story is creepy as hell.
Yeah, who knows what 'signs' were given behind closed doors? I know the John List story, and his, along with any others, has a side we'll never know.
Did he have any quirks or issues his wife or kids picked up on, but never told people about? Maybe stuff they thought was odd, or a little unsettling, but we've never discussed w/someone on the outside? Who the hell knows?
Not to say people sometimes DO NOT flip out without warning, but it's odd to present this case, or any other, as the definitive "there were no red flags" case. That's just bizarre, and based on a helluva assumption...