Why do people care about the sex of my baby? (long vent)

triquetra123 · February 2010

I know everyone has their own opinions about finding out the sex of their baby. It seems as though most women on this board want to (and will) find out the sex before the baby is born. I, on the other hand, have no interest in finding out. I could really care less if my baby is a boy or a girl. It makes no difference to me, I will love this child with all of my heart regardless of if it has a penis or vagina. But seriously, some people act as though it's the end of the world if they don't find out what the sex of my baby is before it's born.

DH just HAS to know. He CANNOT wait. at. all. So, our compromise is to find out the sex (even though I don't want to) and not tell anyone. I am seriously contemplating revealing it at our baby shower though. (Of course, I'm also thinking about letting DH know and not tell me.) DH told MIL last night that we aren't revealing the sex until the shower (which I told him wasn't exactly correct. I'm fickle enough as it is... I don't make guarantees about anything) and she is apparently "confused." She doesn't understand how you can buy anything for the shower if you don't know what the sex is... Huh?! I wonder what did women do before the luxuries of gender determining ultrasounds?

Why do other people care more than me about the sex of my baby?

Maria Agnesa · February 2010

I REALLY didn't want to know but the hubby did.... so he found out at the ultrasund and has been keeping it a secret. I am ok for now but I think when I want to start buying stuff I will force him to tell me!

synchrosally · February 2010

I don't know why it matters what the sex is for a shower. What, just so they can buy pretty pink dresses your LO will never wear? I say DON'T reveal the sex and people will be forced to buy you useful stuff. We're team green all the way and couldn't be happier. If they can't figure out what on earth to buy for a baby, the can just stuff it.

mrs.messi · February 2010

I think they are probably just excited and impatient!

Hope everyone will respect your wishes and not give you a hard time.

LALAFitz04 · February 2010

I feel you. My SIL is sort of angry that we aren't finding out the sex...she is even more upset we aren't telling names either. It's actually kind of amusing! DH was not really into the idea at first, but he's deployed, and misses the U/S and says that now it's actually fun to keep it a surprise! We decided to see if keeping it a surprise would be fun for the first one...and we might find out for future babes.

I've never understood people needing to know in order to buy presents. I would still want more neutral things so I could use them for future babies and if it was a girl I'm not into all pink stuff.

Deep breaths....I actually have had a lot of people say "good for you" when I tell them we are keeping the sex a surprise...which in turn surprised me!

Good luck....and do what makes you and your DH most happy! You two will be the ones in the delivery room so will you want to be surprised or not.

LA

skiwic8 · February 2010

The only thing worse is when you do find out and people are actually disappointed by the gender! As for shopping for the shower we know we are having a boy but plan on more kids. So nearly all of the items we registered for are gender neutral. If she is talking about a decorating theme there are plenty of colors and shower decorations that are gender neutral.

erincon8 · February 2010

I feel the same way! We are not finding out although DH would prefer we did. We talked about it and agreed that for our 1st we would wait and then we would talk about it again if we are lucky enough to have a 2nd baby. We have had people tell us that we are driving them crazy that we are not finding out - and not saying it to us in a nice way. A girl at work just had her baby 2 weeks ago. She knew her baby was a girl all along and when I told her I was not finding out she went crazy. She stood 2 desk away from me and loudly announced one day that she thought people who didn't find out were stupid - her exact words. She said in this day with the technology that we have she could not understand why anyone would wait. Now I have never said one word to her about her finding out her baby's sex or anything else about her pregnancy b/c honestly I don't care and I respect that it is totally up to her and her DH. I just wish people would think before they speak and realize that whether or not I find out the sex really has no impact on their lives. Grrrrrr! I just got mad again thinking about her! Thank God she is taking the full 3 months of maternity.

lms_bride · February 2010

I totally hear you on this one! I think it is the pregnancy hormones talking... why can't they just respect your decision and leave you alone? I say wait as long as you want, do not worry about other people on this. And yes for the shower, the best gifts you will receive will have nothing to do with the gender: bedding, stroller, boppy, swing, burp cloths, bottles, etc etc... the vast majority of baby items are not gender related, its generally just the clothes and the bedding unless you go all out and get the pink stroller or something. Your MIL is just being lame and inconsiderate.

Good luck and hang in there. I think it is all about whatever you and your husband want!

MWoodside · February 2010

We didn't find out the gender. DH wanted to at first, but we got it in an envelope & then he changed his mind so we never looked at it & aren't planning to. If you find out & keep it a secret I'd just tell peoplpe you didn't find out. That way they won't pressure you & harass you to tell them.

kcox123 · February 2010

They're just excited and curious and want to go crazy buying appropriate stuff... What they can't get their heads around is that the most appropriate stuff will be stuff that is appropriate for either gender. Just try to not worry so much about it.

We were team green with our first two. We always got a lot of "But you HAVE to find out!" or "you're driving us all CRAZY!" Like I cared.

Just try to come up with a standard reply that indicates you appreciate their interest but that this is a surprise that you and DH get to share in in the way you see best.

With people you can be more frank with (like mom or MIL) you can even say, "Look, besides that we want a bit of a suprise... we also want to have more than one child and since you only get the baby shower experience the first time around - we'd like to get gender neutral baby gear..."

We got a lot of these complaints too but I just don't remember it being that big of a deal. I guess probably because we were both totally on the same page and wanted to wait.

mzovoce · February 2010

I was lucky enough to have a 72 year old co worker who didn't find out with any of her 5 and she told me that each time the surprise was that much more intense. As soon as I tell people that, they shut it. Except my brother who just doesn't get it.

triquetra123 · February 2010

Thank you, Ladies! It's so nice to know that there are other people out there that feel the same as me.

sept0305bride · February 2010

DH and I found out this morning but aren't telling anyone in our family.

I don't mind pink, but pink everything...nononononono.

I would like to have anywhere from 2-4 kids (we figure we'll know when we're done) but you only get one shower. We're going gender neutral.

I've made a compromise by saying that it will be a surprise for the shower. That seems to have gone over well. And then it will be too late to buy pink frilly junk....muahahahah.

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