I feel like we need to warn newbies

fauxshelley · January 2010

A lot of people lurk on this board strictly for the perceived drama. Even if there is no real baby momma drama, they like to create it. Some people have trouble in paradise, so they come over here looking for train wrecks to make themselves feel superior to the lowly single mother. Sure, some people will post things that are completely off base, it happens on every board, and we respond as needed. But to lurk just to look for something to stir up, well, that's just mean spirited.

GET A LIFE!!

achase123 · January 2010

I completely agree-and was very disappointed in the way posters responded to "question about being a single mom". Many responses were rude and uncalled for. Several posters seemed to have a superior attitude which I found extremely offensive and I can't imagine what the OP felt like. Hopefully she continues to post here and isn't scared away by negative lurkers who most likely do not have the "perfect life" they would like everyone to think they do! 50% divorce rate people! Watch out, if you lurk too much on this board you too might catch the "divorce bug"....it's very contagious!

peeps61308 · January 2010

Yes

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

bellaleanne · January 2010

peeps61308:

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

this.

achase123 · January 2010

peeps61308:

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

We ARE a freakshow....we are *gasp* single moms! And.....some of us were single and pregnant!!!! Like I said, ppl, 50%!

You know what I think too??? That lurkers are jealous of the strong, independent, fearless women that we are! And perhaps also envious that we had the strength to leave a bad situation and be on our own instead of staying in a bad relationship because we were afraid of the unknown! I think we should be proud of ourselves!

KaliChick · January 2010

I'll post ... I'm a total lurker! Not a mom nor divorced. However, my older sister is not married and a mom. The DB is still living with her, but we keep hoping she'll wake up one of these days and kick him to the curb. So I read here to see how strong all of you are and get some insight as to what she might go through so that I can help her better. I hope you don't mind!!

achase123 · January 2010

KaliChick:
I'll post ... I'm a total lurker! Not a mom nor divorced. However, my older sister is not married and a mom. The DB is still living with her, but we keep hoping she'll wake up one of these days and kick him to the curb. So I read here to see how strong all of you are and get some insight as to what she might go through so that I can help her better. I hope you don't mind!!

Nope, this is good! There was an earlier post that had some very mean responses to the OP. The main ppl responding were not normal posters and it just seemed like they came out of the woodwork for the sheer drama of it. You sister should come on this board. Continue to be a support for her and encourage her to get into therapy. Hopefully she will see the light but in the meantime she is lucky to have you!

achase123 · January 2010

anderhea:
achase123:
peeps61308:

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

We ARE a freakshow....we are *gasp* single moms! And.....some of us were single and pregnant!!!! Like I said, ppl, 50%!

You know what I think too??? That lurkers are jealous of the strong, independent, fearless women that we are! And perhaps also envious that we had the strength to leave a bad situation and be on our own instead of staying in a bad relationship because we were afraid of the unknown! I think we should be proud of ourselves!

I'm going to be honest! I lurk here as well. I have some close friends and family members who are in the same shoes as you ladies. I want to do everything I can to be there for them when things get tough, and to be honest I'm not sure how to do it. You ladies are everything that you said-- strong, independent, fearless and honest! You give me the insight on how to be there for the strong, independent and fearless women in my life who really don't come right out and tell me what they need and/or want me to do to support them. I think that you are all truly amazing, and that is why I lurk! Please don't hate me!

Can't speak for everyone else but I don't mind lurking of this sort at all. I think what we are saying is we hate it when lurkers are just here for the shear drama of everything and view the board as somewhere to look to make themselves feel better about their own lives....like I said in an earlier post "they take a holier than thou approach". One poster was flamed by lurkers because of her question about her SO. She wanted honest advice and the lurkers criticized her grammar, put her down, and told her to not date until her child was 18. It was like they were all Dr. Laura or something-very creepy!

KaliChick · January 2010

I read and occasionally want to comment but it's not my place so instead I lurk and just get info. I did read the replies and while I agreed with some of it (the basics, not the snark), I never would have commented. While these are public messageboards and anyone can read, lurk, post, etc., I think people tend to forget why they are here in the first place. Most of us are here for camaraderie, friendship, support, laughs, comfort, knowing your not alone, etc ... in other words we're all here for a reason/purpose. There are so many boards these days and they all have a purpose. So while, yes, they are public and anyone can post on them, I feel it's better to stick to boards where you have something in common and can add to it, rather than slam people. I, personally, am on TTGP and Infertility a lot. It would be VERY hard for the women on IF to have someone come over there and start posting about how easy it is to get pregnant and how we're all horrible for choosing the treatments we're doing, etc. I guess I just feel that there's a board for everyone and that you should be able to feel comfortable posting on said board for your support, etc.

That's me though.

fauxshelley · January 2010

anderhea:
achase123:
peeps61308:

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

We ARE a freakshow....we are *gasp* single moms! And.....some of us were single and pregnant!!!! Like I said, ppl, 50%!

You know what I think too??? That lurkers are jealous of the strong, independent, fearless women that we are! And perhaps also envious that we had the strength to leave a bad situation and be on our own instead of staying in a bad relationship because we were afraid of the unknown! I think we should be proud of ourselves!

I'm going to be honest! I lurk here as well. I have some close friends and family members who are in the same shoes as you ladies. I want to do everything I can to be there for them when things get tough, and to be honest I'm not sure how to do it. You ladies are everything that you said-- strong, independent, fearless and honest! You give me the insight on how to be there for the strong, independent and fearless women in my life who really don't come right out and tell me what they need and/or want me to do to support them. I think that you are all truly amazing, and that is why I lurk! Please don't hate me!

Thank you. My original post was not directed at anyone who lurks for support, advice or insight. There are others who lurk simply to stir up trouble and link from other boards just so they can see a pile on.

achase123 · January 2010

fauxshelley:
anderhea:
achase123:
peeps61308:

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

We ARE a freakshow....we are *gasp* single moms! And.....some of us were single and pregnant!!!! Like I said, ppl, 50%!

You know what I think too??? That lurkers are jealous of the strong, independent, fearless women that we are! And perhaps also envious that we had the strength to leave a bad situation and be on our own instead of staying in a bad relationship because we were afraid of the unknown! I think we should be proud of ourselves!

I'm going to be honest! I lurk here as well. I have some close friends and family members who are in the same shoes as you ladies. I want to do everything I can to be there for them when things get tough, and to be honest I'm not sure how to do it. You ladies are everything that you said-- strong, independent, fearless and honest! You give me the insight on how to be there for the strong, independent and fearless women in my life who really don't come right out and tell me what they need and/or want me to do to support them. I think that you are all truly amazing, and that is why I lurk! Please don't hate me!

Thank you. My original post was not directed at anyone who lurks for support, advice or insight. There are others who lurk simply to stir up trouble and link from other boards just so they can see a pile on.

This exactly. And maybe I am in a fiesty mood today (blame it on having to deal with XH twice this weekend) but I went OFF on the lurkers who slammed the OP in the post re: questions about becoming a single mom. It really irked me the way they acted towards her. I agree that you shouldn't be posting things that you don't have a lot of experience with and she didn't deserve the negative comments that came with it. I have never done that before but I really felt passionately about it. We all need support and deal with enough BS in our lives without ppl coming over from other boards to do nothing but pass judgement and be rude. All because it makes them feel better.

nire99 · January 2010

fauxshelley:
A lot of people lurk on this board strictly for the perceived drama. Even if there is no real baby momma drama, they like to create it. Some people have trouble in paradise, so they come over here looking for train wrecks to make themselves feel superior to the lowly single mother. Sure, some people will post things that are completely off base, it happens on every board, and we respond as needed. But to lurk just to look for something to stir up, well, that's just mean spirited.

GET A LIFE!!

Well said and I agree. I worry that people are afraid to post in fear of getting flamed.

I've chosen to be very open about my situation (single mom because my stbxh sexually abused our child) in hopes that if anyone else out there ever finds themselves in the same situation they will know they aren't alone.

peeps61308 · January 2010

fauxshelley:
anderhea:
achase123:
peeps61308:

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

We ARE a freakshow....we are *gasp* single moms! And.....some of us were single and pregnant!!!! Like I said, ppl, 50%!

You know what I think too??? That lurkers are jealous of the strong, independent, fearless women that we are! And perhaps also envious that we had the strength to leave a bad situation and be on our own instead of staying in a bad relationship because we were afraid of the unknown! I think we should be proud of ourselves!

I'm going to be honest! I lurk here as well. I have some close friends and family members who are in the same shoes as you ladies. I want to do everything I can to be there for them when things get tough, and to be honest I'm not sure how to do it. You ladies are everything that you said-- strong, independent, fearless and honest! You give me the insight on how to be there for the strong, independent and fearless women in my life who really don't come right out and tell me what they need and/or want me to do to support them. I think that you are all truly amazing, and that is why I lurk! Please don't hate me!

Thank you. My original post was not directed at anyone who lurks for support, advice or insight. There are others who lurk simply to stir up trouble and link from other boards just so they can see a pile on.

Exactly what you said. Good lurking is great...lurking just waiting to find someone to pounce on is not good!

CharmCitySmith · January 2010

achase123:
peeps61308:

I continue to be very upset that a lot of these posts have like 600+ viewings...it happens to be our life...and we are being watched like we are in a freakshow...

We ARE a freakshow....we are *gasp* single moms! And.....some of us were single and pregnant!!!! Like I said, ppl, 50%!

You know what I think too??? That lurkers are jealous of the strong, independent, fearless women that we are! And perhaps also envious that we had the strength to leave a bad situation and be on our own instead of staying in a bad relationship because we were afraid of the unknown! I think we should be proud of ourselves!

I totally agree with you. It takes a very strong woman to be able to step out on faith knowing there has to be something better on the other side of the rainbow. There are A LOT of women out there that are stuck in horrible marriages that do not have the means to get up and leave because they either don't have the financial means, or the emotional support, or they're just flat out afraid. I don't care of people come on this board to gawk at me being a single mother bc hey, there are waaaaaaaaay worse things in life than being a divorced single mother of an amazing son! I realize I'm very blessed to be able to leave and be able to provide comfortably for the both of us.

meghan_marie · January 2010

Totally agree! I don't mind lurkers. As long as they are not sitting and waiting to pounce. I don't care if you sit and read about my situation, maybe it will help someone you know by reading mine and other people's responses to posts. Some people are just plain rude though! I know the regulars on this board, know their stories, recognize their names... I know that they would never "flame" anybody on this board. This is a board that is meant to be a place where single moms can come for support! Not some place they come to be harassed and told how stupid they are.

meghan_marie · January 2010

ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME??

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/30025876.aspx

This is bullsh*t!

fauxshelley · January 2010

Saw that. Hence the original post.

meghan_marie · January 2010

fauxshelley:
Saw that. Hence the original post.

Grr.. I despise people like that. We're the trainwrecks but half of them will be joining us pretty damn soon. Notice what board they post on. (*cough* trouble in paradise *cough cough*)

ootmother2 · January 2010

I haven't read this board enough to know who is creating drama or just a regular poster.

I took an interest in this board because I was basicly a single parent, daughter is grown now and I would give advice to if I had a knowledge that would be of advantage to them.

ladyaylena · January 2010

I have a temper... so when I see people being D'Bags on forums, I don't hold back. Of course, I'm a bit brutally honest so it's part of my personality. I just finished reading the thread about "single mom" wow... I'd likely punch a couple of them in the mouth if they had the nerve to reply like that in person. The internet is a freeway for foot-in-mouth disease.

meghan_marie · January 2010

ladyaylena:
I have a temper... so when I see people being D'Bags on forums, I don't hold back. Of course, I'm a bit brutally honest so it's part of my personality. I just finished reading the thread about "single mom" wow... I'd likely punch a couple of them in the mouth if they had the nerve to reply like that in person. The internet is a freeway for foot-in-mouth disease.

LOL!! You got that right!

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