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Ug, I hate conflict. I'm such a wuss.

Kristin&FrankKristin&Frank
in Success after IF

So, I hired a "mother's helper" for when we're in FL.  Someone to come 3 days per week to hang out with me and the two boys.  I can't handle them by myself, and I need to get them out for a couple hours each morning so Frank can get some work done.  Going to the park, for example, I need someone to hang out with Joe while I chase Jackson, or vice versa.  Anything water based needs man on man defense as well.

I'm disappointed.  My ad on the site where I found her said I need someone to come play with us.  She doesn't play.  She watches.  She doesn't really even interact with Jack.  I got him a gorgeous new play kitchen and I said thsi rmorning, "Show her your new stuff!!!" and she sat at the table and watched him.  I want someone who will get on their knees and ask Jack to cook breakfast!  I'll have spaghetti and hot dogs please!  At the park she doesn't have fun.  She just follows Jack around.  I PLAY.  Hey, look at this!  A steering wheel!  Let's drive to Grandma's house!

She's a quiet person by nature.  That's just her personality.  I know I need to say something to her but I'm so bummed about it.  And I don't want to hurt her feelings.  "You're boring!" is what I'd like to say!

Plus, she friended me on facebook back in November.  Lately she has put a lot of things out there that say, basically, life sucks.  I don't want that kind of negative attitude around my boys, and yet, I don't want to make her life worse by firing her!

I'm going to call her tonight and say I expect more interaction.  If it doesn't get better, I will find someone else.  I just hate doing it.

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Re: Ug, I hate conflict. I'm such a wuss.

  • DavezWifeDavezWife member

    I get where you're coming from. And FWIW, she's not going to pull it off. It's just not her nature. Even if she's breaking up with BF/whatever, a positive upbeat person is GOING to pull their head's out, ESP. if  they are "working" in front of the mom/employer. It's not like you're spying on her, she's showing you her colors right there.

    Honestly, I would not even waste more time with her. Tell her it's not working out, defriend her on FB, and look for someone who's totally into playing with those kids.  You are responsible for your kid's happiness, and your own. Not hers.

    You'll find the right one. Be very upfront with interviews and say what you want and don't want.  I wish I lived nearby... we could put Chardonnay in our sippy cups and "play" with the kids all day long! lol!

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  • qtpa2tqtpa2t member
    I tend to agree with DW, but more from the perspective that even if you give her a second chance, she's probably going to disappoint you - meaning not one but TWO confrontations.  You are clearly modeling the behavior you want in front of her.  And she's still watching, not participating.  It would be one thing if you also sat back and watched - she'd get that that's the norm/expectation - but from what you describe, you're not.  
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  • mechanicsgirlmechanicsgirl
    imageDavezWife:

    I get where you're coming from. And FWIW, she's not going to pull it off. It's just not her nature. Even if she's breaking up with BF/whatever, a positive upbeat person is GOING to pull their head's out, ESP. if  they are "working" in front of the mom/employer. It's not like you're spying on her, she's showing you her colors right there.

    Honestly, I would not even waste more time with her. Tell her it's not working out, defriend her on FB, and look for someone who's totally into playing with those kids.  You are responsible for your kid's happiness, and your own. Not hers.

    You'll find the right one. Be very upfront with interviews and say what you want and don't want.  I wish I lived nearby... we could put Chardonnay in our sippy cups and "play" with the kids all day long! lol!

    This.

    ETA:  I was a nanny, and I did play with the children I watched, but like Davez said, I did it esp when the kids' mom was watching.  I pulled out all the stops for her.  For example, on a normal day, I'd play with/feed L all day long, sing her down for naps, etc.  But I'd also give her time to play alone.  On a day when the mom was home?   We'd likely be playing constantly and be louder/more rowdy to be able to show her what we were doing and how much fun we were having together.  Eh, now that I type that out, it sounds bad, but it's true. 

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  • Kristin&FrankKristin&Frank
    I completely agree.  However, my family is coming to visit in 2 weeks, and I would like to keep her until then.  Plus, there's nothing worse than being fired from a job without warning.  If I "warn" now, when my family comes I can tell her thanks, we're done... and look for someone new then.
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